Wednesday, May 31, 2006's not bad...only eighty degrees in my office opposed to yesterday's eighty FIVE. (<-----that was sarcasm by the way!)

Anyway, I'm glad it's Hump Day already...the week is *half* over. I love four day work weeks! (or should I say, I love 3 day weekends?) I am thankful that I have another one coming up too! My July 4th weekend is fast approaching. Daryl and I will be going to Maine on Saturday, July 1st to Monday July 3rd to see Carsa and the family! I'm very excited! I better charge up the batteries in my camera for THAT visit! Braeden is so much bigger now than the last time I saw him! Damn, babies grow too quickly!

Oh! And on another baby note. I'm psyched cuz Sarah is due TOMORROW. She looks about ready to's too cute! But I think Baby Julia is NOT quite ready to come out. Sarah said she went to the doctor yesterday and her cervix is not dilated in the LEAST yet. If the baby does not come by next Tuesday, they will be inducing Sarah on Wednesday. Her and Brian don't want the baby born next Tuesday because then the date will be 6/6/06! LOL

By the way...the above is a photo from quite a few weeks (possibly a month or two) ago of Sarah's preggo belly....

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I don't have a clue how I'm going to make it through three and a half more hours of work. I'm ready to jump out a window! This has been such a crazy, neurotic, ANNOYING day...I want to wash my hands of it. :-P

My only hope is that one of the 3:30pm Student Clinic clients DON'T show up so that I can fill in for a FREE massage!!! I need one. B-A-D.

Thank GOD I have (another) three day weekend coming up! I plan on doing some serious house-cleaning and yardwork, in addition to having some fun squeezed in here and there, too. ;-)

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

This is some funny shit...

...I drove by a truck this morning that said the name of the company (Eastern CT Eggs) and then above the name was cute little cartoon eggs smiling and waving.

Above one of the smiley eggs was one of those speech-bubbles, like you would see in a comic strip.

This egg's bubble's message said....

"I got Layed at.....Eastern CT Eggs!!!"

Talk about a much-needed laugh on the ride in this morning!!! LOL

Monday, May 08, 2006

Had such a fun weekend! It was busy, but FUN-busy. :-)

Friday night AJ (my six year old cousin) and Daryl's friend's son, Joey (who is seven) had a sleep over at my house. They were freaking ADORABLE together...two little blond heads together, hyper till bedtime (which took place in sleeping bags, in the tent in the middle of the living room!). LOL It was like Dennis the Menace timed two. They made me laugh. Saturday we had a HUGE squirt gun fight in the yard. By the time it was over, both boys were soaked and DRIPPING (Thanks Daryl, for squirting them with the HOSE! LOL) so I had to wash and dry their clothes. I haven't laughed that hard in a while.

Saturday night we went over Sarah and Brian's and did dinner outside and let the dogs run loose in the yard. They bought a fire pit, similar to mine, so we sat around the fire pit and tried to stay warm. It was CHILLY AS HELL Saturday night! I gave up drinking the homemade wine I had (that one of Daryl's customers had given him...VERY yummy) and moved onto hot chocolate, with Preggo Sarah. :-)

Sunday started out with a Starbucks and Home Depot run then cracking down to do some SERIOUS yardwork. Once I started yanking out the roots from the horrible bushes that Daryl had chopped down previously, I felt like freaking She-Ra, Princess of Power! LOL Some of the roots though were just TOO MUCH to do by hand, so I had to rely on digging it out with the shovel. Daisy was ALL up in my business, of course, trying to dig right alongside me. Her fur and paws were COVERED with soil, and she kept trying to pull out the roots! It was hilarious. We fenced in the section of yard that led out to the street so now the pups can run free in the yard! I'm MOST excited about that. No more leashes in the backyard! Anway, we had to make ANOTHER Home Depot run to get more 30-gallon refuse bags. I literally must have filled between 10-15 just yesterday alone and I still have so much more to do! But what a sense of satisfaction Daryl and I both had after finishing what we did. He sprinkled some more grass seed down on the dirt yard is really shaping up!! I'll post pics soon....

Friday, May 05, 2006

Where DOES the time go?? I just can not believe it has been four years (TODAY) since Dad died.

I remember the moment just like it happened yesterday. The house was full of people and Mom and I were in the bedroom. Daddy was in bed, with his new body pillows that Uncle Kenny had bought to prop him up, when he could no longer hold HIMSELF up. Dad's arms were speckly looking...I remember that clear as day...and I knew it was the "moment of truth". I had just read a book on dying and read all about those spots that appear on a person's skin when s/he is dying. They were a purplish-red color. I forgot what they are actually called.

His skin was cold and clammy and I remember I specifically wanted to feel his feet. Maybe becuz for the past few months I had been Dad's favorite foot-massager. I had become quite accustomed to the texture and contour of his feet by that point. The Smith-feet that I shared. The only difference between his and my feet, though, was that Dad's second toe on each foot was longer than his big toe. And, I remember how he especially liked the pressure of my thumbs on the balls of his feet. Funny, how you remember stuff like this, four years later.

Anyway, I lifted the comforer and touched his feet. I dont think I've ever felt such cold skin before. I covered them back up, tucked the comforter around their coldness, like ice. Heard the constant pumping in-and-out whir of the oxygen machine, as it pumped air into Dad's cancerous lungs. Each intake of his breath sounded a man who'd inhaled too much of the ocean during a swim. It hurt me inside to hear that sound. Dad was "drowning".

I also remember Mom, at that moment. She was crying...all her months and months of holding back, and the dam had finally broken free. Her tears fell on Dad's blankets, on his pillows. He was struggling to keep his eyes open, trained on his wife's sorrowful gaze. It was a moment that I will never, ever forget. A moment that still breaks my heart.

I leaned over, close to his hear, and murmured that I would take care of Mommy for him. That he didn't have to worry. Inside, I felt dead. My pain felt numbed, like I'd taken a shot of Novacaine before a big feeling. My tears were locked up inside my eyes, trapped. I wanted to break down and let them go; I hoped it would feel more "real" to me to feel those tears on my cheeks....

Anyway, Daddy's passing was as peaceful as it could have been under the circumstances. He sucked in his last breath of air...exhaled his life in one short burst. And his eyes bore glassily up at the ceiling.

I laid my head on his arm, my mom's head on his chest, and breathed in his scent....

.....I wish I could still smell him.
Color of Obscurity

Author: ME

Crunching over crisp autumn colors,

Burnt ginger, Fiery crimson and Pale lemon yellow,

I weep for the loss of his Life.

The stone before me is cold and gray;

the pale granite embedded deeply,

with clear-cut letters and numbers,

December 6, 1950- May 5, 2002,

to commemorate an Existence

And the untimely passing.

Deepening twilight casts shadows across my face,

Disguising my tears in

an oily and slick obscurity.

I pray for the release from the Bitterness

and it’s overwhelming taste on my tongue.

It permeates my body with an

Endless blistering scarlet fury.

I want to let go of this scorching, blackened pain,

And peel it free like layers of damaged skin.

I want to be allowed to grieve copiously,

Emotions now fresh and new

like the sapphire promise

of Morning’s first light.


Monday, May 01, 2006

Me and the boy...LOVE him! :-)