Monday, December 17, 2007

I am not having a good day at all. Ugh.

I've been having anxiety since yesterday early afternoon so this is two days in a row that I had to do what I hate...take a pill. I usually try to hold off as long as I can but that little pill seems to tame the beast in my chest that makes it difficult to breathe. But of course, it also makes me tired.

SO not only am I dragging ass mentally and emotionally today, but now physically as well.

I'm not sure what specifically it is...I think I have a case of the holiday blues. Usually by this time each year I have LONG since finished and wrapped my Christmas shopping, baked everything, and am patiently waiting the holiday itself. This year, however, is nothing like that.

I have not even BEGUN my shopping, and we're only buying for limited people this year due to very low funds caused by paying for our wedding among other things (D and I are buying small for each other, and also need to get something for our Mom's and our grandparents. That's IT.) so I know that is bringing me down. What makes Christmas--for me--so much fun is being able to give, and I thoroughly enjoy the hunt to pick out THE perfect gift for ALL my family and friends but this year it's not to be. I'm almost dreading the day. Throw into the mix that my bank is still screwing shit up on me in my checking account and my job has picked up the pace (this is my busy-crazy-insane time for the next 2-3 months) and that makes April a very down girl.

So, what's a girl to do? I try to keep the important things in mind. I'm healthy, I have a roof over my head, I have great people in my life...but I think everyone just has one of those down days where NOTHING seems to go your way. TODAY is my day.

And damn it, my pen just ran out of ink. *SIGH*


Melissa said...

I'm sorry your having a lousy day. I think it's really hard to stay 'up' all through the holidays.

If money is tight why don't you guys try and make some homemade things to give family and friends. I know a plate of cookies is always right up my alley.

(((Hugs))) my friend, you sound like you could use them.

Cecily R said...

April, I'm sorry you're having a rotten day! I wish I had something great to make you feel better. I guess just know that we are thinking of you!

Hope tomorrow is a little happier.

~**Dawn**~ said...

Man. When it rains, it pours, huh? =/ This was the first Christmas I have really been able to shop for *anyone* since I moved down here. It makes it hard, especially when you enjoy spoiling the people you love. But you know what? The people who love you will understand. They know there will be other holidays when you will be able to "spoil" them again. And they will enjoy time spent with you, making memories. They will appreciate the goodies you've baked to share. (((HUGS))) It will get better. These "lean" Christmases makes us appreciate the "bigger" ones that much more.

Anonymous said...

I completely understand where you are coming from and I am in the exact same place! Every year I think having the kids around will make it better, but it just turns the holidays into battles with everyone over gifts that are appropriate for the kids, where we will be spending our time, etc. I used to put so much effort into buying the perfect gifts for others, and was always rewarded with crap (both literally and figuratively), so rather than stress myself out, I stopped . . . there went my enjoyment. I am trying hard to look for the little things and rejoice in them, but I really just wish Christmas would get cancelled this year.

Keri said...

Big (hugs).
Homemade things are the way to go. Who doesn't love cookies, or a pasta mix (like chili mac) or the makings of a good brownie mix, or hot chocolate with peppermint stix for stirrers. dollar store jars and bulk size basics and you'll have great gifts. They'll mean more to the people you give them to than that 'perfect sweater'.
Remember it's not all about the price you've paid for the gift, effort goes farther. That's why mom's love handmade cards...i'm sure yours would too....

Chele76 said...

((hugs)) it gets better :) It really does.