Friday, February 29, 2008
And the freakin' chocolate Robin's Eggs? These things are killing me over here!! I can't stop eating them!! I have no idea why other than the fact that they are on my desk (I always have a candy dish on my desk, themed to whatever holiday is currently close). But I bought these specifically becuz they are NOT my favorite. I guess when you have a craving, anything will do.
Anyway, thank god it's Friday. It's been a long-ass week and I'm ready for some relaxation time. (although part of me feels SUPER guilty cuz Big D has to work almost all weekend. Poor thing. But our checkbook thanks him for the OT!). I plan on cleaning the house up, so that it gleams. It's looking as beat up as I feel! Plus tomorrow after the (dreaded) weigh-in, I gotta run to the mall to order D's wedding ring! And I might take a look around at strapless bras at VS while I'm there...I have a $30 gift card I can use towards that purchase. I don't plan on buying any type of fancy-schmancy bra to wear under my dress...just a simple strapless that I know I'll actually WEAR again. And maybe I'll treat myself to a nice scrub from Bath and Body while I'm there. I haven't gotten one of those in a long time, and I'm feeling the urge to pamper myself! Ooh, maybe I'll give myself a pedi, also!! It sounds like it might have to be SPA DAY tomorrow at my house. I haven't done that in so long. I even have a nice charcoal face mask I'll drag out of the bathroom closet. Anyone wanna come over and "spa it up" with me? I promise chick flicks and martinis to go along with...:-)
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Things I'm totally, fabulously, 100% thankful for:
Kissing Daryl's freshly shaven cheek.
Reese's Peanut Butter cup trees, pumpkins, easter eggs (more pb than regular cups!)
Seeing my Mom smile.
Digging my toes in warm sand.
Cool spring/summer night air tickling my face.
Old Navy tank tops.
Granny Smith apples paired with extra sharp cheddar cheese.
My beautiful friends.
Typing/writing a story...being in the zone.
A baby's giggle.
Cheese. Especially warm, crusty cooked cheese.
The warm folds of a dog's ear.
The smell of rubber.
Teddy bears...both the plush kind AND the manly kind.
Halloween and Christmas.
Christmas Tree farms.
Starbucks nonfat gingerbread lattes.
Big, cuddly bear hugs.
That powdery/lotion-y smell of newborns.
Blue crayons and markers.
Drinking tea with Mom.
Jeans that make my hiney look smaller.
Sloppy dog kisses.
Chocolate chip cookie dough, eaten by the spoonful.
Photographs, photographs and MORE photographs.
Hearing Daryl tell me he loves me.
Floating in the ocean.
Snowflakes. Especially big, fat, airy ones like last night's.
Taco Bell's Mexi Melts.
The crisp smell of winter.
Big hoop earrings.
Rubbing Daryl's shaved head.
Kitties doing "mushies" on my belly.
Rainy days spent under a blanket, indoors.
My strength, both physically and mentally.
The comforting warmth of clothes fresh out of the dryer.
My wedding dress.
The smooth taste of a white chocolate martini. Mmmm...
Having my grandfather and father's "Smith" nose.
My kooky sense of humor.
Mine and my brother's baby books, 30 and 31 years later.
Crunchy Autumn leaves.
High watt light bulbs.
Reading Daryl's blog.
Having 25 great years worth of memories of Dad.
Wow, this was way easier than I thought it would be. Once I started, I found it hard to stop thinking of things I'm thankful for! :-) And to cap this all off, here is a poem I wrote a few years back that always relaxes me.
Nurturing my Soul
By: April L. Smith
Shiny granules of sand tickle my bare toes
as simultaneously I feel the insistent pricking and prodding
from the many sea shells sharp contours.
The ocean breeze is cool and salty,
kissing my face gently,
like a lover whose known the touch of my skin for years.
Unconscious thoughts—distractions— struggle to clutter my mind,
and I deliberately force them away,
visualizing them emptying like particles of sand
slowly pouring from an hourglass.
I stroll closer to the water’s edge,
over the smooth stones worn down by the incessant lapping of water;
stones that comfortingly warm the soles of my weary feet.
The powerful cries of the gulls nourish me,
as I take in the lulling sound of the waves crashing against rock and sand,
and it soothes me…
…conveys me to a peaceful, nurturing place I’d almost forgotten.
And what else makes me happier than Daryl and my pups?? NOTHING.
No, let me re-phrase that. I already have cried today and I feel on the verge again. I've been trying to keep this all in and not upset both Big D and my mom, etc. AND by not posting about it continually. Cuz it is such a downer and I don't want to seem like a moody biatch all the time. But I'm so, so stressed out about some things going on in my life right now (and no, it's not anything to do with my fabulous Big D or the wedding)...it has to do with my mom and her situation and me constantly WORRYING about her. And where she lives. Let me just sum it all up by saying she is living in a f*^%ing crack house (becuz of her stupid drug addict brother, my uncle, who I now HATE).
And I'm feeling badly that she is not moving in with me and D (even though part of me is so, so relieved) now. But at the same time, I feel responsible and like a shit-head for not moving her in, and not helping get her into a safer, drug-free, environment. And I feel badly that now D thinks it's all his fault that she is not moving in, and that my mom will think less of him. Which is not true. It's just a really horrible situation. I wish I had the money to front her to get settled in her own apartment. But I don't.
I am going to end up worrying myself into an ulcer.
Oh, and needless to say, my eating habits this week have been atrocious. I had fast food 2 or 3 times (when I hardly EVER have it) and I've eaten enough Robins Eggs to fill like 30 Easter baskets.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
"A daughter and her mother...are so entwined in heart and mind that, gladly or unwillingly, they share each love, each joy, each sorrow, and each bitter wrong lifelong." -Pam Brown
"I have learned that to have a good friend is the purest of all God's gifts, for it is a love that has no exchange of payment." -Frances Farmer
"Once in a blue moon there's someone who knows it all, someone who knows and accepts you unconditionally, someone who's there for life." -Jill McCorkle
"The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes." -Frank Lloyd Wright
"Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look what they can do when they stick together." -Vest M. Kelly
"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability....To be alive is to be vulnerable."
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I just had a student (for those who don't know, I work at a massage school...so when I say student, we're talking grown-ups here) talking to my coworker about a vivid dream she had. She goes on to describe in detail how this dream...she thinks it is her remembering her BIRTH.
Did I forget to mention that they were standing so close to my f'ing desk that their hips were touching it? Did I fail to mention that I could not freakin' tune out the story of her head "gushing through an opening"?? All while I was typing and trying to work?
Oh, I think I just puked in my mouth. (side note: I'm not so juvenile that I can't handle a story about childbirth...I just think this woman is a whack job for one. Secondly, are PEOPLE SO RUDE TO STAND IN FRONT OF ME WHILE I'M WORKING AND SPEAK LOUDLY TO EACH OTHER? No lie, I could have spit on them, that's how close they were.)
And I'm gouging out my eyeballs and eardrums as you read this.
Lord, help me. (fifteen more minutes to go....fifteen more minutes to go....)
Monday, February 25, 2008
Silly Melissa over at Hope for the Hopeless tagged me to do a nice simple meme-aroo (my new name for a meme.)
Here are the rules:
You must post the rules before you give your answers. You must list one fact about yourself for each letter of your middle name. Each fact must begin with that letter. If you don't have a middle name, just use your maiden name. After you've been tagged, you need to up-date your blog with your middle name and answers. At the end of your post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and need to read your blog for details).
My middle name is Lynn (Melissa, we have the same middle name! how cool is that? WELL If you want to be technical, I guess Lynn is majorly common. LOL)
L- Loves pizza, in an insane way. As in, I'd eat it every single day and never grow tired of it.
Y- Yearns for the work day to end, on a daily basis (well, Monday through Friday, that is).
N- Never without a smile or laugh to share with my friends...I love to make people happy!
N- Not easily able to control my emotions...as in, I wear my heart visibly on my sleeve; I cry
often; I am crazily stubborn and when you get me in a giggle-fest look out cuz I can't always stop.
So, now it's my turn to share this fun. I'm tagging the following peeps:
Michele at On the Tips of my Fingers
Krissy at Firecracker Mom!
Robyn at Where's Jelly?
Steph at The Daily Grind
Zoe at I've Come Undone
and I can't forget...
Big D at Daryl's Not So Frequent Blog Spot
If I didn't tag you, please don't take offense, I'll get you next time! Feel free to join in the meme-alicious fun, anyway.
I'm having a really shitty day and this is the first MPM that I've been doing the past few weeks where I just. didn't. want. to. do. it.
Ugh. Yesterday was a very hard, emotional day and the thought of hopping on the computer was just too insane to comprehend. Spent the whole day worrying about everyone else's feelings/emotions (not that that is a BAD thing) and not enough time dealing with my own, and now it's all coming out today. Messy. Today is not much better but I NEED to set up some type of meal plan this week, no matter how "loose" it may be. My mental state of mind, not to mention my weigh-in on Saturday, depends on it! (by the way, little braggin' moment...I lost 2.8 lbs. last week! go, me!). So without further gloominess, here is my meal plan for this week!
To learn more about Menu Plan Monday, check out Laura's site.
Monday: Pizza Night. No energy to cook. Or think healthy.
Tuesday: Kielbasa and saurkraut, possibly over baked potatoes with steamed veggies on the side. (Thanks Keri! Your post made me salivate! Well all except for the "scraping the scum" part. Heh.)
Wednesday: Chicken breasts (maybe grilled) and green salads, with steamed green beans.
Thursday: Dinner over D's grandparents, not sure what we're having
Friday: Black Bean Enchiladas (this is a total carry over, never got to it last week!)
served with low fat sour cream and salsa, and tortilla chips. And maybe an additional veggie.
Saturday: Your guess is as good as mine...we were supposed to be spending the weekend in Burnt Hills, NY at D's mom and step-dad's but now D has to work. :-( Bummer.
Sunday: Crockpot meal...I'm thinking maybe D's favorite Chicken Cordon Blue
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Yesterday was an uber-productive (and long LOL) day. Thanks all in part to Michele and Keri, my favorite crafty girls. We started our day off at a nice little coffee shop near 'Chele's house where we pored over my wedding magazine clippings of flowers, colors and bouquets and chatted about what I was looking for in flowers for the wedding. Once we had somewhat of a game plan down, we headed to Michaels, one of my favorite craft stores. For about one and a half to two hours straight, the shopping cart brigade made their way through the aisles. Keri in the lead, with Ava busily scribbling in her notebook, me bringing up the middle with a steadily filling cart, and the caboose made up by Michele pushing a sleepy Gavin. I should have taken a picture of us there. LOL
Back to Keri's house we went, sleeping kids in tow, and cracked into the (three! ha!) bottles of wine that Michele stopped and picked up on the way. We dug into cheese, crackers and pepperoni, and hummus, and got to work.Keri was the crafting mastermind and Michele and I her crafty minions, taking direction on what needed to be cut (wires, stems) and floral taped and pretty blue jewels separated into piles for
each bouquet/bout, while Keri worked her Martha-Stewart-Mojo on creating my bridal bouquet. Our mini-crafting-helper, Ava, did her part as well! Since time was running out, we only managed to complete my bridal bouquet, one bridesmaid bouquet (which is now the prototype for the others) and one bout. And I was so happy with how they came out!!! Colorful, funky and different...totally me!
And what's flower making and wine drinking without some goofing off thrown in for good measure?? (I have a hilarious one of Keri but I think she will beat me if I post it! LOL Don't worry Keri, your secret is safe with us! lol)
Aaaahhhh so after a long, busy, fruiful, 12-hour day of crafting (yes Daryl, we really were busy the whole time!! LOL), I feel so productive and finally happy about something wedding-related, and not stresesd out!!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Anyway, good morning everyone! Daryl and I had a nice night last night on our date out...except for the bitch waitress flirting with my man all night! LOL It started off with the waitress coming over and introducing herself and I remember thinking, "Hmmm...odd. She isn't even looking at me."
Throughout her whole spiel she made eye-contact with me ONCE--and only once--and continued to stare and speak directly to D. She pointed out all the specials on HIS menu only. I struggled to read them upside down from his menu across the table. Finally I thought to myself, screw it, I don't care what the damn specials are! Then when she walked away the first thing out of my mouth, as I casually played with my napkin, was, "I don't like that bitch."
D chuckled and said, "What do you mean?" although I knew by the look on his face, that he knew exactly what I meant. He was smirking.
"She didn't even look at me once. And she was only talking to you, telling you the specials! I don't like that bitch." I grumbled, sticking my head into the menu.
"I did notice that. It's pretty funny." D admitted. I could practically see his head swelling in giant proportion to the table. He might as well had patted himself on the back.
"Whatever. That bitch better watch her step." I need to preface this by saying that I'm not usually the jealous type. You can even ask D...this is only like once of two times where he has seen the jealous crazy lady pop out. Throughout the rest of the meal, Bek (our annoying skinny and blond waitress) continued to make googly eyes at D, and bring extra bread and quick refills of his soda. She never once offered to refill my water. After the meal, when she was coming back to the table with our receipt, she said, "I don't know if you guys like live music but my band is playing tomorrow night. I put our website on your receipt. Have a great night!"
"Hmm, let me see that? That might be cool to go check out." Daryl said. With lightening speed I ripped that receipt right out of his grubby mitt and stuffed it into my purse.
"No thank you. When have you EVER taken me to see live music, other than my birthday? You always bitch and moan about how you hate bars! Screw Bek and her band!"
Laughing, D led me out of the restaurant.
"Don't worry honey. I love you and only you." He insisted. I felt myself relaxing away from the shiny, youthful glow of blondie Bek. We held hands on the ride home. As D pulled into the driveway he started grumbling about his stomach being upset so he needed to use the bathroom. I went into the kitchen while he did his business. While I put the leftovers away, a short bark of laughter escaped me.
"What?" he called from the bathroom.
"That bitch gave us an entire loaf of bread with our leftovers!"
"That was nice of her!"
"Nice? Hmph...this proves it! She was flirting with you all night!" No answer. From the sound of things, D's dinner was not agreeing with him.
I poked my head around the corner where he huddled on the toilet, and giggling I asked him, "So, do you think 'ol Bek would find you sexy now?" Of course D had no snappy comeback for me this time!
Yep, that's love. Even moaning and groaning on a toilet seat, I was happy to think he's all mine. Ha!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
My honey and I are going on a date tonight!!! I'm super excited.
I came home last night to the sweetest card ever that Big D made for me on the computer (we love our new Hallmark program. So worth the fifty bucks!) The card basically acknowledged that life isn't always peaches and cream...and even though people don't/can't take "romantic moonlit dinners" all the time and can't/don't have 24 hours of romance in our busy and chaotic lives, it doesn't make our love any less special or important. And he told me that he was taking me out to dinner tonight becuz we never, ever do fun things like that anymore (unless we have a gift card, heh heh...) and we need to always make time for the fun stuff!
And this dinner is not going to be a "let's sit around in our comfortable-years together-silence while I people watch and D peeks at the sport playing on the tv screen" while we then proceed to talk about bills and stress and annoying family members. NO, this date will be all about US and the enjoyment we get by being together...we had one of these a couple of weeks back (we had a gift card LOL) and it was the best time we'd had in a while. It was like we remembered how to laugh and giggle and flirt again without the stress-talk of wedding planning, mortgages due and which family member got drunk or beat some one up (and no believe it or not, we're not hillbilly white trash. We just have crazy families.)
I feel like a giddy girl in the midst of that squishy, lovely feeling (you all know the one) that people feel in the beginning of a new relationship. That excitement-- the anticipation to see him--and wishing you were together RIGHT. THIS. VERY. INSTANCE.
I know I have said it before but I'm going to say it again, I love my Big D more and more every day.
I love the way he always knows that I've had a bad day--just from the tone in my voice--and instinctively takes over making dinner or washing the dishes. I love the way we grocery shop together. I love the way he laughs at my craziness of always having to put items "away" even though half the time instead of putting it away, I lose his keys/sneakers/ book/whatever. I love the way HE LOVES ME without makeup on. I love the way he washes and waxes (my) truck till its a gleaming cherry red. I love the way he tolerates my obsession with taking pictures ("pictures are memories!" LOL) and poses yet again, and again, and again with only minor complaints. I love the way he hates to see me cry. I love the way he will give me the last dollar in his wallet so that I can buy a coffee (even though he really wanted one that day). I love the way he likes me to shave his head in the basement (I do a good job!). I love the way he cuddles and baby talks our dogs and cats (he'll be THE BEST Daddy). I love the way his smile lights up the whole room for me. And I love that even though he pretends to other people that he could care less about the wedding STUFF, he'll still probably tear up to see me walk down the aisle. Cuz he's my toasted marshmallow.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Something else that helps? Big D. He has been bearing with me this week, as I analyze every morsel of food going into HIS mouth as well, and yes, I've been counting points for HIM too even though he did not go to WW with me. I'm dying to have him hop on the scale Saturday to see if he lost anything, but that might be pushing his patience. I begged him to help me stay the course...I'm horrible when I see someone else eating something bad, I then end up wanting it too, so I explained that if he does this with me, no matter how "loosely" he does it ( although he's been great this week following his points exactly! Except for those 3 or 4 beers last night, heh heh...but we *did* have a shitty day) that he will be a great motivator for me. And he *has* been! I'm very excited at the thought of the two of us getting in shape together, eating healthier, having more energy...and I can hardly wait for better weather so we can start hiking and mountain biking...I have high hopes for this spring and summer. :-)
So, I know most of us did not make any "resolutions" on January 1st but I'm curious, what is one healthy change/addition that you have made and been sticking to? Something that has benefited you either/both physically OR mentally OR even emotionally?
(and now I'm off to go walking on my lunch break...YAY me!!!)
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I wish I was one of those people who could not eat, when stressed.
Give me strength to stay away from the junk food today! I don't need it, don't want it, and it will only make me feel worse!!
Monday, February 18, 2008
When will it all be OVER?!?! This process is just so not FUN to me anymore. And I hate that! Why can't I be rich to afford a wedding planner to do it all for me?? *SIGH*
It sounds so silly. I know this. Even to my own ears it sounds that way. It's a wedding for goodness sakes...not a campaign to end world hunger. I guess I just get frustrated becuz I don't have a lot of help from family (and I don't just mean financial, although lord knows that alone is enough to keep me up awake at night! Staring at the ceiling has become a frequent nighttime past time of mine the past few months!). And some of my friends have been awesome pitching in and offering to help and giving me great suggestions but yet I have some girls in the wedding party who have been absolutely NO HELP whatsoever. It makes me sad, because I picked them for a reason (and I obviously am not talking about you, Cars! I love you girl!)...and I have done nothing but doubt my decision from the very beginning.
This whole process has made me painfully aware of how selfish some people can be. They are my friends and I still love them but at the same time, some of the things they've said/done (or haven't said/done at all!!) during this whole time has really hurt my feelings. I don't want to go into too much more detail than that, for personal reasons, but it just makes me sad. Plain and simple.
I guess I need to look at the "glass is half full" part though and realize that some other friends have really stepped up to the plate and done (and offered to do) WAY MORE for me than I ever could have imagined (you know who you are! old and new friends alike. :-)) and I appreciate it more than I can say. I know who will be there for me, in life IN GENERAL, if I need a helping hand. My only hope is that I can continue to return the favors as well as they are given! I know the only way I can show my appreciation is by action. And I hope all these friends know that I would drop everything for them in an instant if they needed my help!
After all, that's what friends are for, right? :-)
Sunday, February 17, 2008
I strayed off course quite a bit this week due to unexpected plans after work. But this week I'm getting my butt back on track! In addition to following our plan, I joined weight watchers (for like the sixth time...hehe) on Saturday. I've also been counting the points for D's food even though technically he is not doing ww. But he promised to eat healthier with me...I need all the extra motivation I can get!
To learn more about MPM, check out this site.
Monday: cheese ravioli with sauce and steamed broccoli, reduced fat Pillsbury biscuits
Tuesday: marinated chicken breasts (cut in strips) over salad, steamed mixed veggies on the side, reduced fat Pillsbury biscuits
Wednesday: kielbasa links, baked potatoes, and corn
Thursday: barbecued chicken on wheat rolls, steamed veggies, and maybe some Baked Lays
Friday: Crock pot Shredded Pork (the recipe I linked is actually called Pork Tacos but I think we're going to serve ours on wheat sandwich rolls
Saturday: Possibly take out or pizza...lots of busy stuff going on today. WW weigh-in day also!
Sunday: my favorite, Black Bean Enchiladas served with reduced fat sour cream, tortilla chips and salsa
Friday, February 15, 2008
And bring on the weekend...an eye doctor appointment early tomorrow morning, followed by a phone call with our reception site about money still due (ugh...well that's not the only reason for the call...but still) followed by an even MORE fun phone call to my mortgage guy (who is the BOMB) to talk about refinancing and working on our credit. Good times! (can you detect the sarcasm?)
Oh, and I totally retract my seventh quirk about my eyeball-thingie. Apparantly some of you are under the assumption now that I am a freakazoid. Ha! Seriously, I'm as normal as they come! Err, at least I'm mildly normal. But really, who defines the term normal???
UPDATE: I just got an award from a total sweetheart, Stephanie! So go check out her blog when you can. Yippy! I feel special!!! I promise to spread the love, myself, but work is getting busy so I'll pop back in later to do it!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Six Quirks about Myself....
1. I can't fall asleep unless I'm fondling, touching, pulling on the corner of the fitted sheets on my bed. I need to be able to tug that little corner and roll it between my fingertips. Daryl thinks I'm a freak about it becuz every night before bed I tell him I have to "tighten up the sheets" when in all actuality I'm just making sure I have that little pulled-corner ready and waiting. LOL
2. I can't stand directly on a bathtub floor. Skin to floor. It skeeves me out. No matter how clean the bathtub is. I just need to have the feeling of a mat or SOMETHING under my feet, not the smooth, shiny porcelain. If there is no bathmat, I will actually lay down a face cloth or small towel to step on!
3. I can't STAND the sound/feeling it gives me to hear two hands rubbing together. Palm to palm....rubbing....Like sandpaper. *SHUDDER* It has the same affect on me that other people might feel when a nail is scratched down a chalkboard. I get goosebumps and have to cover up my ears. My friends all know this and now when they rub their hands together, they will suddenly remember and stop. What good friends I have.
4. I am the Queen of Piles. I must make piles out of anything that is laying on my kitchen table, coffee table, desk. If there are loose papers, or magazines, or D drops his keys and winter hat on the table, I immediately put everything into a neat pile either in the center of the table, or if there is already a decoration there, I put my new pile in the corner of the table. It gives me a sense of organization, even if it is just a pile of crap.
5. I see spiders everywhere. This might not be a quirk, I don't know, but it's a weird habit of mine. I stare at the ceilings at work and home, or at the floor, and anything--any blur that vaguely resembles a spider--I can't take my eyes off of it till I know what it is. I can't continue with whatever I'm doing (work, watching tv, reading) till I know that is or is not indeed a spider!
6. When I drive with the window open and my arm hanging out, or I stand on a bridge close to the edge, I automatically visualize either my arm being cut off, my ring falling off, or my whole body falling over the edge. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Morbid, much?
And since I'm a freakin' weirdo and could probably go on for DAYS with my quirks, I'll add one more bonus:
7. I have this weird thing I do with my eye lids. Sometimes I feel the need to pull them down, like drapes I guess you could say (using my fingertips on the eyelashes) till they make a soft sucking sound. It's not the sound I need, but sometimes i have this strange feeling of "fullness" in my eyes (beneath the lids) and it's the only way I can stop thinking about it. I'm a nut job. Yes.
I had pretty picture to share of the heart-shaped cookies I made last night, but of course we have no internet at home so I could not get on here! And for some reason, the pic I took on my cell phone I have been unable to send. So sadly, I can not post that pic. Instead here is a picture from LAST Valentine's Day...the table was all set up for the lobster dinner I made Daryl!!
I hope you all share and receive lots of LOVE today.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
I've been in such a funk lately...and today is no different. I'm moody, irritable (no, I'm not PMS'ing), cranky, sad...any slightly negative mood you can be in, that is me.
This morning driving in to work, I wanted to cry every time I drove through a puddle (and being that the weather man said we'd get more rain TODAY than we do normally in a month, it was a lot of puddles!)
I am so tired of feeling like this! I feel like every bad thing that can/will/is happening to other people is influencing my mood. And food? I've been eating everything in sight. I think I've probably gained like five pounds. AND THAT makes me want to cry too. I know the fact that I haven't been able to do any type of exercise since I hurt my back is another factor.
I've dealt with depression before so I know what it is but I don't think that is my problem. Maybe it's some kind of sun-deficit disorder? We've had like NO SUN (maybe just a total of a couple hours) in the past week and I know that is severely influencing my moods. I'm sorry I keep posting such negative crap but it seems to be all I've got!
And Valentine's Day is tomorrow...I know most people think Valentine's Day is very commercial but to me, it's a great day. I love it. I love ANY holiday which gives me an extra reason to show all my loved ones how much they mean to me. I usually do something special for Big D: a card, cute little gifts and/or chocolates, and homemade stuff. But this year it's different...I am not into it! I feel horrible cuz I still haven't even bought my D a card yet (becuz of the wedding, we opted to skip on any gifts this year). This is very unlike me. I did bake heart-shaped cookies the other day for D (still gotta frost them) but some of them came out too hard and again, I wanted to cry.
ARGH!! To make me think of something FUN and SUNNY and HAPPY I'm going to post pics from mine and D's Florida vaca last year.....
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
So instead I think I'm going to lay down on a nice warm heating pad and take an 800 mg Motrin/Ibuprofen and hope that does the trick. I'm sure work is pissed but man, oh, man, I could not fathom rolling out of bed this morning! Anyone else have any other suggestions? Massage has definitely given me relief but unfortunately I can't afford another another one right now.
*SIGH* Getting old sucks.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Another week, another meal plan! I think this is my third MPM and I'm happy to report that it's working out well. It takes such a load off my shoulders (and D's!) knowing that when we each get home from work, we know exactly what we're having for dinner. No more of that "Hmmm...what do I feel like eating/cooking tonight?" for 25 minutes until we decide, "Eh, too tired now, just order pizza." And with the wedding getting so close,(ninety-something days away) and having to deal with all the wedding costs, I'm in hyper drive to cut corners where we can!
Also I am carrying over one recipe from last week that I didn't get to, the Sausage and Pepper Sandwiches.
To learn more about MPM, check it out here!
Monday: Whole grain ziti with sauce, steamed green beans and
Pillsbury reduced fat dinner biscuits
Tuesday: Daryl's yummy omelets with turkey bacon
Wednesday: Sweet Mustard Chicken Bake
with whole grain rice and steamed veggies and Pillsbury
reduced fat dinner biscuits (there is the slight possiblity
that this meal won't happen if I have my hair appointment...I had to
postpone it from last week due to family-drama!)
Thursday: Sour Cream Enchiladas
(going to halve this recipe since it's only the 2 of us eating)
with a side green salad
Friday: cheeseburgers with homemade sweet potato fries and corn
Saturday: Pizza Night
Sunday: Sausage and Peppers Sandwiches
(never got to this last weekend)
Saturday morning we got up pretty early and went out to breakfast, something we had not done in so long. Then afterwards it was on to the travel agent with whom we were booking our Florida honeymoon through. We decided to do 3 nights in Disney staying in a Disney hotel, followed up with the remaining 3 nights at my friend, John's, FLA house (to keep costs down. Don't worry, my friend John actually lives in CT so he won't be on our honeymoon with us! LOL) which is about a 45 minute ride from Clearwater Beach. So we booked a package deal through the TA which includes: non-stop flights landing in Orlando but flying out of Tampa (near John's house), 3 nights stay in Disney's Port Orleans French Quarter resort hotel, a 4-day Park Hopper pass, and a full week of car rental. We didn't really need the car rental till we leave Disney but it would have been more complicated trying to pick it up then when we can just drive from airport with it; plus I like knowing we have the car if we decided we wanted to go anywhere else. So anyway, we put down a deposit on the honeymoon. Then after that, we headed to the jewelers to pick up my ring! I could barely contain my excitement. It's so pretty and I love how it sparkles. Daryl had to roll his eyes a couple of times at how excited I was over the ring. LOL Then we decided to pop into Best Buy to look at printers, and that's basically when we decided for sure that we were going to make our own wedding invitations. We bought a new printer (something we'd been needing for MONTHS now anyway) then headed back home to get ready to go out to dinner with a couple we hadn't seen in ages.
Sunday we got up pretty early again and both of us were very eager to figure out what we'd be doing for invitations so after a quick coffee stop, we ran to Staples. We both decided on a simple white invitation with a thin chocolate brown border with matching response cards, and the envelopes are plain white with a brown flap. Then getting more excited the more we planned it out, we headed to Michael's and purchased two rubber stamps: a butterfly (which is sorta the theme of our wedding) and a phrase, "Love, Honor & Cherish" and two ink pads, one in a pretty blue (the wedding colors are chocolate brown and blue!) and the other a white. I'm going to run back tomorrow probably and get gold as well. Daryl spent a good portion of the afternoon creating the perfect invitations. I was so impressed; he did all the research on the 'net and figured out the wording and made sure I liked it, after he created and printed out a sample. Really, the only part I played in all of it, was just fixing some of the margins and fonts. (The font is a brown in kind of a cursive print.) We're going to stamp (in blue) two butterflies on the actual invitation, the phrase (in either blue or gold) on the return envelopes, and one blue butterfly on the outside of the invite envelopes. It looks freakin' awesome! And I kept teasing D, calling him 'Crafty Jack' all afternoon, but seriously I was so impressed with his (masculine, of course, heh heh!) craftiness! Maybe there is hope I can convert him into a scrapper yet! LOL Anyway, we finished off our errands with some much-needed grocery shopping.
So now here I am finishing out our busy weekend by doing the un-fun stuff: washing dishes, doing laundry, making our meal plan for the week. I just made some lemon-blueberry muffins (don't get TOO excited...it was a lemon mix with frozen blueberries LOL) and I'm ready to call it a night and read some of my book in bed. I keep peeking through the slats in the blinds outside praying for snow...it's icy cold out there, windy as hell (sounds like a wild beast out there moaning and groaning!), and we've had a few crazy snow squalls this evening. By the time my Mom had gone to leave about an hour and a half ago (after checking out are wedding purchases and having a couple cups of tea with me) her windshield was entirely crusted over with ice! Her fabulous son-in-law walked her down the icy walkway and scrapaed off her windshield for her. God, I love that boy. Anyone who is so good to my mom, wins a place in my heart forever. ;-)
I hope you all have a great rest of the night! I'll be catching up on all your blogs tomorrow! Night Night.
Friday, February 08, 2008
I had a massage late yesterday afternoon and was bummed last night cuz I was still hurting. But when I woke up this morning, it dawned on me, I hadn't woken up once during the night moaning in pain when I tried to turn over! And I can put my chin to my chest OR lean my head back and not scream obscenities! Yes, the pain is still there but it's so much fainter! I'm very relieved. Over a week of this crap, and I was ready to lose my mind.
Something else that was nice...waking up to see it snowing! Granted, it snowed for like two seconds, and there is probably only an inch tops, but looking on the bright side here...it was pretty to wake up to. :-)
And what else? It's FRIDAY! You can't beat that with a stick. And with keeping with the happy, I'm picking up my wedding ring tomorrow from the jewelers! In the evening we're meeting some friends for dinner that we haven't seen in a while, so I'm looking forward to it.
And guess what else? ONLY 99 MORE DAYS TILL THE WEDDING!!!!!!!!
Thursday, February 07, 2008
You all had great comments and suggestions and I'm definitely taking it to heart.
SO thank you again: Chele, Amy, Melissa, Big D, Robyn, Alf, Lilah (beautiful name!!), April and Keri!
I *squishy-heart* you all!!
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
My mom just called me, upset. She has a safety deposit box at the bank where she keeps hers and my dad's wedding rings, and her engagement ring. Well she has been late on payments and the bank was threatening to "drill" into the box, which I'm not sure exactly how this works, if they take the items out or what? Anyway, she went and had them open up her box and her diamond ENGAGEMENT ring is missing (even thought the wedding bands are there, thank goodness). So she put in some kind of complaint at the bank.
And I know it's irrational, it's "just jewelry", but I feel like crying. It's my mom's engagement ring, it's a piece of history...my father proposed to her with this ring in hand. It's important. And now it's gone. I told her to please bring the wedding rings over to my house, and I'll put them in my fire proof safe box, but she is afraid to part with them now, I think. She wants to keep them with her, in her safe-box, but unfortunately she lives in a house with some of our family members (her mother which is my grandmother, her 2 brothers who are my uncles, and her son who is my brother) and unfortunately my two uncles can not be trusted. They are both addicts and both will steal (and HAVE stolen before) from her.
Believe it or not--and I'm sickened just reliving this through memory--immediately after my father died, my uncle was over "visiting" my mom. A few days later, my mom realized that a little ceramic bunny-shaped bank that she had, that was probably full of anywhere between $100-200 worth of quarters, was missing. Then on instinct, she went into her and my father's bedroom, and found another jar missing that contained coins my father had collected over the years. And worst of all, THEIR WEDDINGS RINGS were missing from her jewelry box. My mom was absolutely livid, she called the police, and when they asked if she had any idea who had stolen the items (there was no sign of forced entry other than a cooler pushed underneath her bedroom window) she confidentaly said, "yes, I think it was my brother." Anyway, to make a long story short (too late, right?), my mom confronted my uncle and he denied it. She told him she had filed a police report. He finally admitted to stealing the bunny full of quarters but swore he never would have stolen from his dead brother-in-law and his sister (meaning the rings). My mom didn't believe him. Two days later, the rings were back in her jewelry box (hence the reason she started keeping them in a safety deposit box). At that point in time, I could hardly understand how someone--never mind a relative--could steal something so precious from his recently widowed sister. Since then, more things have happened and I finally came to the realization that a drug-addict ONLY cares about his/her addiction, nothing else. It took me driving my uncle to a drug deal one day (not admitting to myself at the time that that's what it was) and arguing with him in the car about why pot is bad, to realize it---
(Uncle A: "April, there is nothing wrong with smoking pot."
The funny part of this conversation being that pot was the LEAST of his worries...I knew that but he was in denial about it.
Me: "Uncle A-it's illegal!" I remember him looking me in the eye and holding up a baggie full of marijuiana.
Uncle A, scoffing: "April, I smoke pot, your other uncles smoke pot, lots of people do it. We always have it on us."
At that moment in time, and I don't think I've ever admitted this to anyone before, but at that moment in time I hated him. My favorite uncle. The young, cool, hip uncle who I'd always looked up to--the one who my childhood friends had always had crushes on--I wanted to throw him out of my moving vehicle. How dare he put me in this position? He was carrying an illegal substance in MY car, asking me to drive somewhere so he could buy cocaine (after he randomly showed up on my doorstep at 11pm while his son, my cousin who was was sleeping over, lay sleeping so innocently in my bed) looking me in the eye at my home and swearing that was not what he was doing? I told him to promise me, promise me, this had nothing to do with drugs. So leaving my cousin, HIS SON, at home with my boyfriend at the time, I stupidly took him out to meet his "friend". Yes, I was in my lower-twenties at the time, and mildly naive, and up until that point in my life I still viewed him as the adult and me as the child. Him. Well that had changed the moment he said what he did from beside me in the car. Tried to make excuses for what he did. The man I thought would never do anything to hurt me, had put me in danger by association with his lifestyle. And I vowed never to enable any addicts again (I think this is why it's so hard with me with D's dad who is an alcoholic. I don't want us to enable him, but at the same time, it's his father, ya know? *SIGH*)
SO, yes something as simple as jewelry has brought up all these hard feelings. I want my mom to leave her jewelry with me. I want my mom to move out of that crazy house and in with D and I. I want her life to have some sort of normalcy again. And on the flip side, I don't want my mother to move in with us, knowing that if she does that life for us would lose some it's normalcy. We'd have no privacy anymore in our tiny house and even just a simple argument between D and I would feel weird knowing we had an audience cuz no matter where my mom would be in our house, you can still hear. But regardless, my mom has no money, no job (she is on disability for her illnessess and unable to work) and not healthy and I have to step up to the plate now and do something. And stop feeling sorry for myself. And I feel like a horrible, shitty, selfish daughter for worrying about how my life won't be so "easy" if Mom moves in with us. I have so many pent-up feelings of regret and worry: regret for not doing enough for my father when he was here and worry that I won't be able to do enough for my mother before I some day lose her.
Amazing how something as simple as a missing ring can bring me right back to this place. :-(
UPDATE: Seriously, TEN MINUTES after I first typed this post, my Big D stopped in unexpectedly to see me here at work. He was looking kind of down, and he asked me, "Guess who called me today?" I had no guess so he told me. His Dad. Remember back in November when I told you what his Dad had done? Read the paragraph titled Freak Out #3. Go ahead. I'll wait. Are you done? So today his dad calls and asks Daryl to take TOMORROW off from work to drive him to UPPER state NY to go to court.
Um, okay, first of all, D's Dad only seems to call him when he wants/needs something. As irritating as that is, what makes it worse is that his Dad's alcoholism has really messed up his life. He quit his job, he doesn't work or have money, it ruined his marriage with his wife (D's Mom), he has been arrested twice for DUI and this last time he crashed up his car and had his license taken away. He doesn't pay his bills and when his boiler breaks OR he runs out of oil, who does he call? Daryl. And D, being the thoughtful boy he his, stopped by to see what I thought becuz if he DID take his dad tomorow, that is cutting into his paid time off which he is trying to accumulate for our honeymoon.
I am irritated also becuz this court appearance is something his father has KNOWN ABOUT FOR A MONTH. Why did he wait till the DAY before to ask D to bring him? Like D's life is not important enough to give him notice? Now let me clear something up...I love my FIL and I would love for him to get his life in order. But not at the expense of Daryl's. The son should not have to clean up the father's mess! I know this sounds cold and heartless and i don't mean for it to. I'm just tired of sugar-coating this time of behavoir. And now back to the whole ENABLING thing I mentioned earlier...when does it stop being helping your family member, and just enabling them? AGAIN to make a long story short, D and I both came to the conclusion together, that he will not be taking his dad tomorrow. This makes me feel...ahem...guilty. And if this makes me feel guilty, I can only imagine how it makes D's feel. But I know we made the right decision. When is his father ever going to be held accountable for his own life? When is he going to realize that D can NOT always save/bail him out?
And now I have just finished typing a long-winded, emotional, personal post and I don't think I want to post it becuz I feel like a total shit-head about what I said in it, even though I was being honest. *SIGH* Today is a sucky day.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
I've lasted 31 years without having a need to go to the chiropractor (while a good portion of my friends need to go on pretty regular basis for various issues) and figured I never would have to go. And there is just something about the thought of a doctor "cracking" me (I get horrible visuals in my head of this...I'd rather crack my OWN parts, thank you very much!) that always scared me away from the thought of going to a chiropractor.
Well, times have changed. After having constant pain in my back and neck since last Wednesday, I'm feeling pretty desperate. I had a massage on Friday night and I also made myself an appointment for a massage at the student clinic on Thursday afternoon.
I'm no stranger to massage. I WORK at a massage school (in the office, I'm not an MT. I *shudder* at the thought of touching other people's feet!) And up until about six months ago, I received on a pretty regular basis. I believe massage is great self-care. But sometimes, it just might not be enough. My supervisor did a little work on me while I sat in my desk chair (and even while I laid on the carpeted floor in our back office) and she said my body is all out of alignment and that I have a good 1/2-1" longer on my right side than my left. And it certainly feels like I'm all out of whack...for lack of a better, technical term...it doesn't feel good. So I've decided to call a chiro and try to set up an appointment for either end of this week/early next week.
I'm scared!! There it is again! That crazy mental visual of a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde mad scientist in a flowy white lab-coat and rubber gloves (don't ask me WHY he has on rubber gloves) cracking his knuckles and cackling maniacally before braking my body in half over a table. Hold me!!
I have a feeling I gained back the three pounds I had lost. At least between Friday and yesterday--I wouldn't be surprised with the way I've been eating. And I hate to lay blame, but I'm pointing fingers at my damn period. It graced me with it's monthly presence late last night, which would explain why I've wanted to shove every salty and/or chocolate item in my mouth that I can find. And with the damn bloating?? I'm literally POPPING out of my jeans the past couple days. I feel like the Pillsbury Doughboy...only not as cute and squishy. Blech.
STICK A FORK IN ME...CUZ I'M DONE!!!
And it's only Tuesday? Can someone PUH-LEEZ tell me why it's not Friday yet???? *SIGH*
Monday, February 04, 2008
Oh and for more great ideas, check out this site.
Monday: Kielbasa and baked beans
Tuesday: Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and corn
Wednesday: Chicken Merlot (recipe will follow below) this is a new recipe so I hope we like it!
w/rice and steamed green beans
Thursday: I think I'm getting my hair done after work tonight, so probably just pasta with sauce and steamed broccoli when I get home
Friday: Pizza Night
Saturday: Too much going on today so I have no idea what we'll be eating until then
Sunday: Sausage and Peppers Sandwiches
with garden salads
Chicken Merlot (my friend cut this out of her local newspaper and raved about it)
4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves, about 4 ounces each
1/4 cup all purpose flour
1 tsp dried thyme
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp extra virgin olive oil
3 cups quartered mushrooms, about 1/2 a pound
2 cups peeled, sliced carrots
4 pieces canadian bacon, cut into 1/4-inch wide slices
2/3 cup merlot (i used the brand 14 hands, 2003 merlot, its delicious!)
2/3 cup non fat reduced sodium chicken broth (although i think i just used regular chicken broth, not reduced sodium or non fat)
2 tsp tomato paste
1/4 cup chopped, fresh flat-leaf parsley (i didnt have any, so i didnt use)
Cut each chicken breast crosswise into 3 pieces.
Combine the flour thyme and salt in a resealable plastic bag and add the chicken pieces. Seal the bag and shake to coat the chicken. Remove the chicken and shake off excess flour (i put the chicken pieces onto a plate, and sprinkled more thyme and salt).. Lightly coat a large nonstick skillet with cookin spray (i didnt have any, so just drizzled olive oil.). Add 1 teaspoon oil (i already drizzled with oil) and heat over medium high heat. add the chicken and cook, stirring, about 5 minutes or until the chicken is lightly browned on both sides (it took a little longer than 5 minutes).. Remove the chicken and set aside. Add 1 teaspoon oil to the skillet (again i didnt measure, i just drizzled), and saute the mushrooms, carrots and bacon for 2 minutes. Stir in the wine, broth and tomato paste and cook stirring occasionally, for 10 minutes. Return the chicken to the skillet and cook 4 to 5 minutes, or until it is no longer pink in the center. Divide the chicken mixture among 4 plates, sprink with parsley (didnt have any) and serve! :)
How was your weekend(s)? Mine was decent. Friday night I went over a friend's house after work and got a massage. My back is still killing me. since the pain began last Wednesday...my muscles have been all out of whack and by Friday night I had felt like I had 2 or 3 golf-ball size knots in between my shoulder blades. The massage was awesome and felt so good, but we talked the entire time so it wasn't necessarily relaxing. Then I headed home where I was alone (Big D had to work till about midnight) so I made chicken parmesan with some yummy whole-wheat penne pasta and settled in for some tv time.
Saturday morning I woke up and decided to devote my entire day to cleaning the house...I did the kitchen last weekend so this weekend I still had to do the bathroom, living room and our bedroom. D had to run out and fix a furnace so on the way back he got us lattes which was my incentive to KEEP CLEANING. After that we went out and got a 1/4 keg of Sam Adam's spring (for Daryl's kegorator) in preparation of the Super Bowl party we were having. I also picked up two bottles of wine. After that we headed to the mall, and Littman's jewelers where we (YAY!!!!) bought my wedding ring! I'm so excited to get it next Saturday! Anyway, it's a thin white-gold band with teeny, tiny channel-set diamonds (like 4 or 5 of them I think? can't remember) in it. It looks so nice next to my engagement ring. Not big, or flashy...it's totally me! (Other than a gold necklace my mom bought me 2 years ago, these rings are the only REAL gold/diamonds I've ever worn/bought!) After ordering the ring, we went to dinner at 99 Restaurant. Then home to bed!
Sunday, we were so rudely woken at 4:00am by a phone call on my cell. We ignored it the first time; the second time the same number called Daryl picked up the phone and snapped "WHAT?". Some dude asked if we ordered a taxi. Uh, NO, you A$#HOLE! It's four in the morning and you have the WRONG NUMBER! And of course, neither of us could immediately fall back to sleep so we ended up watching tv for an hour or so. Then we straightened up the house, I ran to Target for a couple last minute items, then back home to start preparing our snacks for later on. I laid down on the bed with my kitty, Molly, and "accidentally" fell asleep (thankfully for only like 20 minutes or so). We had company over to watch the game and had a TON of food...it was crazy! Michele made the YUMMIEST spinach and artichoke dip, homemade pita chips and stuffed jalepenos. We also had people bring pigs in a blanket with dipping sauces, shrimp, taco dip and a football cake. I made roasted garlic and red pepper hummus with crackers and cookies and D made buffalo chicken wings and kielbasa. Like a said...a TON of food. Thankfully the food was good since the freakin' PATRIOTS LOST. GRRRRRRrrrrrrr......I still can't believe it....although if my Dad had still been alive, he would be as happy as a pig in shit right now. The Giants have ALWAYS been his team. As it was, the one (almost two) Giants fans were ushered out of the house by the nine angry Patriots fans. LOL
Friday, February 01, 2008
I just saw that I'm THISCLOSE to being in the double digits on my wedding countdown...breathe, breathe, April...time to pull out that TO-DO List (you procrastinator, you) and get crack-a-lackin'!
How in the hell do you get organized when you are one of the least organized people in Connecticut?? (If you came over to my house, you'd understand. I move things to a safe place so that I won't lose them....and then I end up LOSING THEM ANYWAY cuz I have no idea where I've moved them to. Just ask Daryl...it's one of his pet peeves. LOL I make piles of stuff when I have no idea where to put it.)
Okay, the bigger wedding-related talks I need to start so far are:
1. Figure out how I'm going to make my invitations. Buy a new printer (cuz mine is broken) and make them myself? Make them on my computer and then go to Kinko's to print out? Buy them off a site I found on the internet? Cry until someone does it for me?
2. I need to purchase and start putting together the bouquets and boutinniers (however the hell you spell that). 'Chele? Keri? When should we start?
3. Need to finish my invite list and get the last few addresses that I don't have.
4. Choose the guys tuxes. (and no D, no top-hats OR Loony Tunes, allowed!)
5. Buy a bra/bustier thingie for my big 'ol rack. (might wait till closer to my dress-fittings, in case I happen to lose a little bit of poundage from the girls before then). And along those lines, I also need to get something to wear in my hair, and jewelry.
6. Find a place for Rehearsal Dinner and let future MIL know the details (cuz she is paying. Love that woman!)
7. Need to get my Mom motivated and ready to dress-shop. She's as picky as me so I know she needs as much time as possible to find something!
8. Get the bridal party gifts...I don't want to wait till last minute becuz that would be bad...money-wise.
I'm sure there are a ton of items I forgot but for now, isn't this enough? *SIGH*
And since it's good manners to not only show my appreciation, but to pass along the love, I'm now going to award this EXCELLENT award to a couple of the blogs that I enjoy frequenting...please stop by and visit them. You won't be sorry!
Amy at Occhio Grosso-Amy's sarcastic wit always keeps me laughing through her posts. Not to mention the fact that I love any Kahlua stories. ;-) Especially the one where he bled all over her car (no, I'm not a sadist...I love puppy-dogs! It was just a funny post...)
Next up, check out Driving with the Brakes on-Talk about having the cutest little ones ever? I love each and every new picture, as well as fun-parenting stories, that's posted!
And I can't forget, Keeping up with the Poltzes-Poltzie has one of the most adorable pregnant-bellies I've ever seen! I love reading all about her English cuke/cauliflower every week. And she seems to makes a pretty darn good "Polish wife". :-)
Michele at On the Tips of my fingers- My good friend, Michele, manages to post some of THE most random, yet hilarious, posts ever. And where else can you find Couscous Gone Wild? Woo hoo!
Krissy over at Firecracker Mom!- She is exactly that...a firecracker! Her hubby dressed up like a woman, she sells sex toys, and she has big boobs...what's not to love?!?!? LOL
And last but not least!!! My Big D over at Daryl's not so frequent blog spot- Yes, he's my man and my favorite mouse-catcher, so I may be biased, but I'm very proud of him for starting up his own blog--yes even with the lack of punctuation which leads to the run-on-sentences-from-hell (heh heh!). That's my boy!