Thursday, February 28, 2008

I want to cry.

No, let me re-phrase that. I already have cried today and I feel on the verge again. I've been trying to keep this all in and not upset both Big D and my mom, etc. AND by not posting about it continually. Cuz it is such a downer and I don't want to seem like a moody biatch all the time. But I'm so, so stressed out about some things going on in my life right now (and no, it's not anything to do with my fabulous Big D or the wedding) has to do with my mom and her situation and me constantly WORRYING about her. And where she lives. Let me just sum it all up by saying she is living in a f*^%ing crack house (becuz of her stupid drug addict brother, my uncle, who I now HATE).

And I'm feeling badly that she is not moving in with me and D (even though part of me is so, so relieved) now. But at the same time, I feel responsible and like a shit-head for not moving her in, and not helping get her into a safer, drug-free, environment. And I feel badly that now D thinks it's all his fault that she is not moving in, and that my mom will think less of him. Which is not true. It's just a really horrible situation. I wish I had the money to front her to get settled in her own apartment. But I don't.

I am going to end up worrying myself into an ulcer.

Oh, and needless to say, my eating habits this week have been atrocious. I had fast food 2 or 3 times (when I hardly EVER have it) and I've eaten enough Robins Eggs to fill like 30 Easter baskets.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry! I could say try not to stress, but that of course won't happen. You guys will make the right decision for you both.

Steph said...

I know a little something about worrying about a parent, my mom has no health insurance and she is 64. I would love to pay for her to get some but I can't I have a family to raise and it breaks my heart to think one day she may need help and she will have huge medical bills. However it is a choice she has made and I have done what is within my power to help her. She certainly can't expect me to take care of her to the detriment of my family either. I know it is hard and as children (even though we are grown) we feel the need to take care of our parents. I am sure things will work out but please don't' stress your life away worrying about it.

Chele76 said...

(((more hugs)))

Poltzie said...

Oh April,
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. You are such a sweet person and I can tell you reall feel others pain.
I wish I too could help and if there is anything you want to vent about email me! I promise I will NEVER this you are a moody bitch!
I can't imagine the pull you must be feeling, I'm glad you have D to take care of you!

Melissa said...

Sometimes eating is the best thing we can do to get through a lousy situation. I hope the situation with you mom straightens itself out soon.

Zoe said...

i worry about my mom too who is also not in an ideal situation. i'll be thinking about you.