Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Happy Hump Day.

Is the week over yet??? *SIGH*

It's so hard for me to get anything accomplished during the week (both wedding and NON-wedding related) when I don't get home at night until 6:30pm. And then that time is devoted to doggie-care, dinner and then clean up and after that the last thing I want to do is MORE housework or hop on the computer or phone to do wedding stuff. I admit (shhhh, don't tell!) that I've been making some quick calls here or there while at work. Or checking a few things out on the internet. But I really don't like doing that considering that there was an employee here years ago that I guess (I only heard this through the grapevine) planned her entire wedding from work and got let go eventually by management. Obviously my case is not that extreme...I do most of the wedding-research on the weekends, not at work! But still it makes me nervous.

And our house is a freakin' mess! I don't know how you moms do it! I don't know how someday that I'll be able to do it! Kid-care full time (or part time kid-care and working the rest) and then maintaining your homes? I give you all oodles of credit. Pl,ease, please, tell me your secrets so I can take notes. Well thankfully Big D is very helpful so when that times comes, I know he'll step up to the plate more. He's a good egg. (except for when he's a cranky egg. LOL).

Anyway, onto good news. My mother-in-law is booking the restaurant for our rehearsal dinner! I'm so thankful that her and my step-father-in-law are footing this bill. If not, Big D and I would be squeezing everyone into a McDonald's since that's all our budget would allow for, right now. I am very appreciative. I planned on us saying a few words at the rehearsal dinner to thank them but now I'm re-thinking that for two reasons.
1. Daryl's Dad
2. My Mom
Daryl's parents are divorced and his father doesn't even work right now (he's been jobless for over a year, his choice) so he is obviously not paying (or even offering) for anything wedding-related. However, if we make a big deal of how D's mom and step-dad paid, I'm afraid D's father will not react well. He is very bitter about the whole situation (his ex remarrying). And who knows if he'll drown his sorrows in booze that night (thank GOODNESS we have a cash bar...D's mom does not want to support her ex's drinking habit and I can't say that I blame her. So if the booze gets paid for, it would be by me and D. We still haven't decided on that yet.) And then you have my Mom. She would love to help out financially, but due to her situation, she can not. And I know this makes her feel very, very crappy. I don't want to make her feel worse about it in front of our closest family and friends. She is a lot like me--she cares a lot what other people think of her. And the thought of people whispering about her being "cheap" or "not helpful with her daughter's wedding" etc.--I know it kills her.

So....What should we do to show our appreciatiatino to D's mom and step-dad that won't make anyone else uncomfortable? Or should I just say, "screw it" and let's make our speech anyway? We are planning on getting them some type of gift or gift card so maybe we should just give it to them another time? What do you guys think? What would you do in this position? Oh! And one more does the whole gift-giving to parents work at the rehearsal dinner? Are you giving your parents gifts "just becuz"? Or is it to thank them for helping out with the wedding? And if they didn't help, are we still required to get them a gift? I'm totally not trying to sound cheap, or bratty, here...I just really don't know. And money is tight...


Melissa said...

I picked this trick up from Tari's Time. Clean 10 minutes a day. Then it won't take forever and at least something will get cleaned every day.

As for a speech why don't you just say how you feel about all of your immediate family and then add thanks to D's mom and step for hosting the rehearsal dinner.

Thank you cover all of the people and still manage to thank them.

Keri said...

I try to keep it neat all the time and that way it doesn't overrun me all the time.

It is tradition for the groom's parents to aid in the Rehearsal dinner, so a speech thanking them... not gushing over them... is appropriate. Your mom doesn't have to give monatary items to aid in your wedding either... coming over and helping assemble is sometimes more valuable. Sounds like either way D's dad is gonna be a lush, so don't fret about it... don't plan your wedding around one guest.
As far as gifts to the parents... we didn't do any gifts to them... we gave a card with our heartfelt thank you's... i think if all your parents are up to date on your financial situation it might be more appropriate to just do a card... that way you are not chancing an insult by spending money on them. They are helping because they love you ... not cause they want a gift or even cause they HAVE to... just write down your feelings and don't spend your budget unwisely.

Anonymous said...

Like Keri said, the groom's family normally pays for the rehearsal dinner, so anybody who says your mom is cheap about that is not only rude, but wrong. D's dad didn't pay, so too bad for him. A "Thanks D's mom & step-dad for throwing us this dinner" shouldn't hurt anybody's feelings.

As for parent gifts, we didn't get hubby's parents anything, because hubby's like that. We thanked my parents at the wedding for having paid, but then they bitched to my sister that we didn't get them a gift; to which we were 1) we didn't know we were supposed to buy you a gift because you offered to pay for our wedding and 2) I actually had bought them a gift but it just hadn't come in yet, as I ordered if AFTER I returned from my honeymoon.

Just do what feels right to you, people are going to get mad either way!

Steph said...

Ok I speak from experience on this one.

When My big D (Dan) and I got married we paid for it ourselves. Dan's parents offered up 10K to use as we like, but then we were told while we were looking at rehearsal places that the 10k was going to be used and what ever was left over would be ours. Our dinner that night for 25 people was 3 grand. And we didn't get the check for 7 until a months later (guess they wanted to make sure we stayed married :))

My mom was not in a position to contribute anything but time and love to my wedding but I knew she was feeling bad. So I treated her like she paid, I put her name on the invites you know Jane smith requests the honor of your presences at the wedding of her daughter blah blah blah, I did not include a name on the rehearsal dinner it was just your typical invite. My thought and my husbands was that they gave us the money but then told us how to spend it so in a sense it was ours to pay for sounds crazy I know but we felt it made sense at the time. At the dinner we thanked both sets of parents equally (my dad is deceased) and went on about our festivities. I tried really hard to not let egos get in the way. It worked !

Flea said...

Yeah, don't gush about their help, but do acknowledge their help. And the gifts? They are a way of saying thank you for bringing me into this world and making sure I didn't die before I was 18. And maybe flowers? Fruit baskets? Do people still give fruit baskets?

Robyn said...

I think if you do want to put it out there during the dinner a heartfelt thank you card would be fine.
I just try to keep certain things clean and get to other stuff when I have a chance.

Big D said...

I would like to stand up and moon everyone, I think that would be perfect!

Grandy said...

Perhaps you could cook a special dinner for Mom & Step-dad, to show your appreciation. Then just a "thank you" at the dinner will suffice without putting undue stress on the matter.

Oh wait...I just read Big D's comment. His option makes a good "Plan B".

April said...

Daryl you definitely ARE the biggest dork I know. LOL

~**Dawn**~ said...

My thoughts: You can fully express your appreciation to them directly *to* them, I am sure, and explain that you don't want to make your mom feel terrible by making a huge deal out of it in front of everyone. I have to believe that people as generous as they are being to host your rehearsel dinner will understand. You can tell them you wanted to thank them personally & specifically for ther generosity. And then at the dinner you could make a more general speech thanking *everyone* who has contributed in any way to the joy & happiness of your special day.