Friday, March 14, 2008

Oh brother, it's starting already.

Big D talked to his Dad last night on the phone to make sure that he, and his girlfriend, were able to come to the rehearsal dinner. I have to get D's mom the headcount immediately as she needs it to book the restaurant.

Anyway, D's father started in on his, "I just can't stand your mother."

Okay, seriously, you're divorced. OBVIOUSLY you can't stand her. You don't need to love her. You don't need to even LIKE her. This isn't about HER, this is about your son.

Daryl said, "Look Dad, if you don't want to come it's your choice. I can't force you. I really want you to be there for me and April, but I won't hold it against you if you don't go. But, I really need to get a head count asap."

D's dad started saying something about the cost of it and D quickly interjected, "April and I are not paying for the rehearsal dinner." He left it that. From my point listening to D's side of the conversation it sounded like his father asked, "Well who is?"

Daryl sighed, rolled his eyes skyward and quickly replied, "Mom's paying for it. I didn't ask her to; she offered."

"WHATEVER." His father replied. And then he started in about it being awkward, blah, blah, blah and he sort of alluded that maybe he wouldn't come. SO AGAIN Daryl said it was his choice, but come on, it's been SEVEN YEARS, time to get over it and be a grown-up and do this for DARYL, his son.

Finally, his father said he would "swallow it" down and come to the rehearsal for his son. And of course he stuck in, "If your mother is paying, then I'm definitely going." (Now I definitely am glad his mom is not paying for the booze!!)

Sometimes, it really amazes me how adults can behave SO childishly. Come on, dude! Yeah, divorce is tough, yeah it sucked, but you know what? Seven years have passed, things have changed, your ex has re-married and YOU have been dating someone for years...time to move on and forward and not look back! And just concentrate on the fact that your son is happy and making a big step in his life! Just be there and support him! That's all we ask. I love my FIL but sometimes he makes me want to bang my head on the wall.

So, needless to say, after this conversation last night, it just reinforced my decision to quietly thank my MIL and step-FIL and give them a gift another time...and at the rehearsal dinner 'll just thank everyone for their support as a whole group. No hurt fights.

Just some lovin'.

After all, isn't that what this whole thing-a-ma-jig is about??? Mine and Daryl's LOVE? Thank you very much!


Chele76 said...


jessica said...

first of all, hugs to you and especially your fiance for enduring these childish behaviours! my hubs has a very similar situation. in fact when they're together, his dad has been known to STICK HIS TONGUE out at his mother. she is no better. between him and his two siblings, if their parents are both at the same gathering, they take turns running intereference to keep them apart. how SAD is that! so i can feel your pain. i hope this doesn't put too much of a damper on your festivities!

Anonymous said...

Ugh, this sounds like my FIL. Except they've been divorced 27 years, and he's married now to "the most perfect and beautiful woman who ever walked the face of the earth", but he STILL HATES hubby's mom, wouldn't speak to her at our wedding, refused to let her help pay for the rehearsal dinner, told hubby to MAKE SURE that he got the last speech at the rehearsal dinner. . .ugh. Thankfully mom understands and although it annoys her, she just laughed (and everybody liked her speech better anyway). I'm guessing if you explain to D's mom beforehand why you're not publicly thanking her she'll totally understand and not get upset.

~**Dawn**~ said...

That's just the thing. He doesn't even have to speak to D's mother. Or look at her. At most he will have to be in a photo with her (but not alone obviously!) and smile for the camera. Time to put on the big girl panties & deal with it. I agree.

Motherhood for Dummies said...

That is hard. Weddings are stressful enough withou having to add in the stress people bring in liek that. Hopefully this wont put a damper on the whole wedding :)

Poltzie said...

I feel like you are writing about my in-laws. Mike's parents had been divorced for 12 years when we got married and are both happily re-married.
My MIL would not come to my shower and didn't come to Costa Rica for our wedding either (she claimed they could not afford it but they went to Palm Springs instead).
It also made me crazy that she could not suck it up and be there for her son but I've come to realize that I can't change anything and she will always be this way.
I think thanking your in-laws privately is a nice thing to do. You are handling this with extreme grace and class!

Melissa said...

I'm so glad I ran away to get married. Just planning the reception was enough to make me want to shoot my inlaws.

Hang in there!

Steph said...

Love the kids so so cute, kudos to Big D for handling things so well, It will all be OK and your day will be just that your day!

Zoe said...

omg we had major drama before our wedding between my fil and mil and the fil new wife who is like our age. it was freaking crazy!!! good luck

Flea said...

Don't you mean bang your FIL's head against a wall? :) And maybe give that gift before y'all walk in to the rehearsal dinner, meet them there a little early?