I'm sitting at my desk, literally surrounded in a sea of yellow, green and white papers, way behind on a project I need to finish asap due to time constraints, and staring at the blinking light on my phone signifying a shit-load of angry voice mails to return to bitchy clients...
...and yet I'm feeling pretty calm. Why? Thanks to the 1/2 of an anxiety pill percolating throughout my system, and the delicious caffeine-filled ice coffee sliding down my throat, I feel as if I can try to make it through the day. Up until a half hour ago, I wasn't feeling that. Up until I popped that magical pill I was ready to simultaneously pull out my hair, burst into tears and ignore the extreme tightness in my chest. As well as run every mother-fucking asshole driver off the road.
Lately, I feel like all I do on here is bitch and moan, bitch and moan. I hate that. That's not me. I'm a pretty optimistic, positive person. People that really and truly know me, know that it is really not normal for me to not be smiling on a pretty regular basis. People come to me for positive talk whether it pertains to a problem they're going through in their life, a little pep talk about self image, or even just a "hey April, do these shoes look good on me?" but lately I feel as if people have taken a step back from me.
I know life has been chaotic...I know I have been chaotic. I'm having a hard time managing everything lately. My house is in a shambles, my self image is shot, and my brain feels like it's slowly oozing out my ears. I'm not feeling positive, even about the fact that I have a wedding and honeymoon a mere 3 weeks away...and I can't seem to change the negative thoughts that have taken up residence in my head. I know we all go through stressful periods in our lives so it's gotten me wondering, how do you all DEAL? What secret tricks help you cope? Do you exercise insanely, or get a massage, or just scream into a pillow on the days it's the hardest? I need some guidance here.
I want my positive posts and positive LIFE back.
P.S. Oh and I'm sorry I haven't been as up on commenting on all your blogs lately...I promise to get back on track soon!!