Thursday, April 24, 2008

I'm sitting at my desk, literally surrounded in a sea of yellow, green and white papers, way behind on a project I need to finish asap due to time constraints, and staring at the blinking light on my phone signifying a shit-load of angry voice mails to return to bitchy clients...

...and yet I'm feeling pretty calm. Why? Thanks to the 1/2 of an anxiety pill percolating throughout my system, and the delicious caffeine-filled ice coffee sliding down my throat, I feel as if I can try to make it through the day. Up until a half hour ago, I wasn't feeling that. Up until I popped that magical pill I was ready to simultaneously pull out my hair, burst into tears and ignore the extreme tightness in my chest. As well as run every mother-fucking asshole driver off the road.


Lately, I feel like all I do on here is bitch and moan, bitch and moan. I hate that. That's not me. I'm a pretty optimistic, positive person. People that really and truly know me, know that it is really not normal for me to not be smiling on a pretty regular basis. People come to me for positive talk whether it pertains to a problem they're going through in their life, a little pep talk about self image, or even just a "hey April, do these shoes look good on me?" but lately I feel as if people have taken a step back from me.

I know life has been chaotic...I know I have been chaotic. I'm having a hard time managing everything lately. My house is in a shambles, my self image is shot, and my brain feels like it's slowly oozing out my ears. I'm not feeling positive, even about the fact that I have a wedding and honeymoon a mere 3 weeks away...and I can't seem to change the negative thoughts that have taken up residence in my head. I know we all go through stressful periods in our lives so it's gotten me wondering, how do you all DEAL? What secret tricks help you cope? Do you exercise insanely, or get a massage, or just scream into a pillow on the days it's the hardest? I need some guidance here.

I want my positive posts and positive LIFE back.

P.S. Oh and I'm sorry I haven't been as up on commenting on all your blogs lately...I promise to get back on track soon!!


Chele76 said...

I'm learning that yoga helps me a great deal. It helps me let go of what is bothering me. It helps me breate, focus and exist in a more cal mamnner.

BUT - I only get this feeling when I take it at the yoga studio. I don't get the same praticing it at home.

Taj said...

I usually just say a few things not fit for your blog and just let things roll.

Oh wait, I once threw a remote control at my husbands head. That helped alot! ;) While I obviously don't recommend that, it did make me laugh and that, it turned out, was great medicine for me.

Keri said...

I'm usually an upbeat person too.
I need the woods or outdoors to calm me down. I use to sit on this huge rock in the middle of my parents 80 acre spread in Mass... just breathing and looking.
Now when i get stressed out to the point of hairpulling... i just close my eyes and put myself back on that rock, listening to the massive pond i built for them, the rambling brook, the chirping birds... it's all consuming calmness....
If that doesn't work i hide in the laundry room with a glass of vino and cry ;P

Anonymous said...

I bake. Or try to get my hubby to fool around, but the baking usually takes a lot more time (no disparagement to him intended).

Poltzie said...

Stop feeling guilty for having a bad month. I felt the same way as you 3 weeks before my wedding and I wasn't dealing with a sick grandmother either.
It's ok to vent, it makes you human and normal. I appreciate your vulnerability (SP?), it makes you real!
Wishing I could do more to help you,

April said..., winging a remote at D's head, sitting out in the country, baking, fooling around and venting...this is why I love you girls!! These happen to be some of my favorite things (well fooling around anyway HA!) so I plan to utilize your advice immediately. Thank you so much for your support!

D-Make sure you wear some type of hard hat or helmet tonight at home...for real... ;-)

Law Student Hot Mama said...

How do I deal?

Hmm . . . alcohol plus a healthy dose of "don't give a damn"-itis. I've got that disease in the worst kind of way.

Except when it comes to driving. With driving, I'm a total biotch.

Rhea said...

This too shall pass.

First close your eyes and take a deep breath, girlfriend!

Things that work for me are eating bad stuff (which you don't want to do too much of with a wedding around the corner), taking a walk or getting some form of exercise, being outside in a park or nature, just walking through a bookstore and browsing does wonders for me, but maybe an antique store or a clothing store works better for you? Watching certain movies helps...inspiring, positive ones.

And, drugs (legally prescribed ones, of course) are a great temporary fix to help you through a rough period.

hang in there!

Robyn said...

It is hard when You have so much going on. I'm not any good at de-stressing. I usually hit a wall and breakdown. I wish I had some sort of advice you you.

~**Dawn**~ said...

When I've had too many "things" hurled at me by Life, I hunker down for a bit. That's how I deal. I am typically a positive person as well, but we all have times when enough is enough. I either lock myself in my home, with my phone off, and wrap up in a blankie to watch my favorite shows or movies. Or I go to Disney where I find it impossible to be unhappy. (Ok almost impossible but that had more to do with the embarrassment I was feeling by the 10 year old I was with having an all-out temper tantrum & that's not a problem I foresee happening for me regularly.) I know you don't have Disney right close by (soon though!!) but if you have a "happy place" that would probably be your equivalent. Sometimes you just need to recharge before you can tackle the heap of crap you have to handle.

Melissa said...

I laugh...that seems to help me somehow. And it's cheap and doesn't require exercise ;)

I hope things turn around for you soon!

Steph said...

No need to apologize you have a lot on your plate and hopefully wrting about it here helps you vent and get it out.

jessica said...

I'm with the poster who said laugh.. get a funny movie, go out to a comedy show... sit with your honey and just laugh. Maybe with some wine. :)