Monday, June 09, 2008

Babies, babies, babies.....*SIGH*. The craziness has begun already.

I know I said I wasn't going to post about Big D and I trying to conceive (cuz I'm afraid of jinxing myself, not becuz I don't want to share my feelings with you guys or anything!) but I need you all to give me a kick in the pants already and tell me to STOP OBSESSING.

I think about getting preggo EVERY. SECOND. OF. THE. DAY. And it doesn't help that everyone who really knows me, knows how badly I want it, and every day at least one person asks me "So, are you pregnant yet?" ARGH! It almost feels like there is this pressure on me to conceive immediately! Too much pressure!

I've learned way more about ovulation and fertility than I ever wanted to know before. And now, so has Daryl. Heh. I don't want to stress out about something that is a GOOD thing. I know I should just have that mentality, "When it happens, it happens." But how do you not let yourself be consumed by the process? This is only the beginning...I realize it could take a long time for me to get pregnant...so how do I convince myself to just sorta go with the flow? Yes, I'm still going to monitor my cycle and all that jazz, but I want to not feel like a warden to my prisoner of sex ,(ha!) Big D..."Open up your cell door, it's time!" It's only been one month and already I feel like Big D is stressed out by my calendars and temperatures and egg and sperm talk!

And please don't tell me to that we have all the time in the world, don't worry about it...I am a 31 year old (and in six months more time a 32 year old) woman who is so ready for motherhood! I always scoffed at that whole "biological clock" thing that everyone (mostly men) teases about, but I've tried to convey it to Daryl...it's almost like this need in me, or an ache that needs to be nurtured back to health. I feel like a part of me is missing and every day that goes by, that feeling worsens, that "hole" grows bigger and bigger. I know this might sound melodramatic to some of you, but that's how I feel. I can't help that. What I can help, though, is trying to stay de-stressed. I need to remember to take care of ME and be good to myself. Get my pedicure. Read a chapter or two in my book when time permits. Bake. Spend a slow-moving, relaxing weekend day with Big D doing nothing of importance. Whatever makes me happy. I'm sure once I manage to do this, my body will start the process on it's own. I don't need to push and prod and poke it into submission. (Right now I have a visual of me holding a cattle prod or something, shouting, "Procreate, damn it! Procreate!")

I just need to be.

18 comments:

Amy said...

This has been one of my #1 issues with trying to get pregnant (once I decide to try, that is), is that sex all of a sudden has a bigger purpose. I always, ALWAYS tell hubby when I get my period, so we can breathe a "Whew! Safe for another month." But then I realize how unwelcome that will be if we decide to try.

And those books. . .I have a few, which I bought a year ago, thinking if I read about it, it'll get me psyched, and maybe prod a decision. It hasn't, obviously, but the things you read. . .I swear, it's a crazy miracle anybody EVER gets pregnant. Just last night I read about using egg whites, in case of dryness. Which hubby thought was hilarious. Somehow, I think a "Hey, stop what you're doing and go crack me some egg whites" is TOTALLY going to kill the mood.

But, it also said if hubby is getting stressed, try to just keep the books and things to yourself, a bit. Stress to us about it, not him! And every month that you're not pregnant (remember, it's a year before fertility docs will even see you!), just think, "Ahh, it's okay, that was a bad bunch of kids in there anyway!"

kittyconcerto.com said...

Well you already know exactly how I feel on the subject, since I just posted about it. hahaha. You and I are on the same page. Especially about the *eek* sex part. I dont' want to be a slave to it. Talk about a turn OFF.

But as a fellow newlywed (we are almost to our one year!!), I do want to encourage you to enjoy your time together, however long or short it may be just the two of you. Almost everybody I've ever talked to about this, says that they wished they had spent more time together first.

That may not help with your hurt and needs, but maybe it might lessen the blow to your "hole". Looking at the positive is always a good thing.

Big Hugs!

April said...

Amy-Egg whites? I almost snorted water up my nose...I mean, gosh, I like to bake and all, but I would feel like I was making an omelette i the bedroom! HA HA!

And Kitty-I laughed AGAIN when I read "Lessen the blow to your hole" LOLOL I totally know what you meant but the pervert in me couldn't help but giggle like Beavis and Butthead. "Uh huh, she said 'hole'."

You girls ALREADY made me feel better!!! I just need to keep it light and not be so damn serious about it all!

~**Dawn**~ said...

Ok I am going to tell you about my ex's sister. She & her husband tried for TWO YEARS to get pregnant. She consumed herself with it. She mentioned to the doctor that they hadn't conceived after 6 months. He told her it takes some people a year. After a year, she said something to him again. He relented & sent them for a battery of tests. Tests gave them no reason they were not conceiving. She wanted to get on Clomid, but he didn't feel that was the answer. She asked him what she was supposed to do because SHE WANTED A BABY!! He said "Do you really want my professional advice?" Of course she said yes. "On your way home buy a bottle of wine. Share it with your husband tonight and just get laid." She sat there, mouth hanging open. Did what he said. 3 months later: pregnant. When she asked him during one of her prenatal visits why he gave that advice, he told her it's because stressing yourself out over conception can actually adversely affect your abilities to achieve it.

jules said...

You sound like me (minus the infertility issues), when we got married we also wanted to try right away. It's like now that you are officially married it's OK to get pregnant...the clock starts to click louder. I also love all the reading and websites. I think husbands in general,as much as they want to have a baby too, it's just not the same as us girlies. When you are pregnant (and you will be) you'll see him get into it. I think it's ok to read and learn about it, just don't stress about it. If you ever need to talk it out, I am here-it's one of my favorite subjects. Chele can give you my email add.

Oh and this sounds wierd, you know how it was hard for us,but when I did finally get pg with Em, I was at my RE office and read an article about positive thinking...It said to imagine your uterus as a soft, comfy, poofy pink couch-inviting the egg to implant....I did that and I got pg. Who knows if that is the reason...but positive thinking can definitely help.

Oh and here is a link about the charting stuff I was telling you about...

http://www.webwomb.com/basal_body_temp.htm

Poltzie said...

We must be twins! This is 100% how I felt. It took Mike and I four months and it felt like four years. TTC is the only thing in the world where you really have no control and it's so frustrating.
Hang in there and don't worry about blogging, I totally understand you!
Email me if you want to talk about it more, I will understand!

beth said...

I was exactly that same way for the four long, long months it took me to conceive my first daughter. I know four months is really not long at all, but it felt like forever. It is so hard not to get obsessed when this huge life changing thing could be happening to you.

But my second daughter? The one we thought about maybe trying for? Conceived in one shot.

Rhea said...

Ah, the baby-making stress. I'm so sorry. I didn't experience this, getting pregnant unexpectedly at 19, but I've seen friends suffer through it.

There's not much we can say to take away that constant biological need inside you. It will happen, hang in there!! :o) Have fun trying.

Robyn said...

Our problem was we kept waiting to get started because we had all these things we wanted to do, I said I'm not getting any younger, I was the same age as you now, and I went off of the depo, which I had been on for 5 yrs. I told J i'm no longer on depo, I'm doing birth control for a month and we're going from there. I figured it would be at minimum a year to cycle out the depo, so I didn't dwell on it or "try" to get pregnant. One day 3 months later J said I think your pregnant and I laughed and 3 tests later all of them were positive. So my advice is don't sweat it to begin with.

krissy said...

You are right, take care of yourself and just remember how much fun it is trying to make the baby. It will happen and soon you will have sore nipples from breastfeeding and so tired you will be a walking zombie. It will come.....and you are going to be an amazing mother. But just let your body relax and enjoy the time you have before you have 5 kids tugging at your legs.

Keri said...

Enjoy every moment of the relaxing baby trying stuff. Cause they are worth it... but you'll never be relaxed again.

Tranny Head said...

Man the first pregnancy I was all "eh if it happens it happens" but I have a feeling that the second pregnancy will be a different story entirely. I bet I'll be buying those drug store ovulation kits and all that stuff because I'll want pregnant and I'll want it NOW!

That being said, I'm convinced that not worrying about it creates the relaxation necessary to conceive. I think the more you worry about it, the less likely pregnancy is. No, I have no scientific proof of this - but that's what I keep telling myself.

Motherhood for Dummies said...

ha ha that is how my husband felt. I was always afraid of getting prego, thought I wanted to at some point. But on the honeymoon my hubby turns to me and says, "How do you feel about getting pregnant now?". Yea, I was shocked... and then we had our sweet little 'opps' a little more than a year later.

Chele76 said...

*obviously* I have no first-hand expereince ;-) But everyone that I know that was (or are) trying had a harder time conceving.. those who were "eh if it happens.." seem to tbe the first to conceive. That same message seems to be a trend in everyoen's responces...

Amy said...

You probably have statistics in your books, but I'll tell you what mine says. For people are our age, we have about a 10 - 15% chance each month of conceiving. But the chance that you will be pregnant at the end of a year is 80 - 85%. And I so sound like I'm trying, but I promise I'm really not!

April said...

Ewww...Amy, your statistics sound worse than what I read online (I think it said a 25% chance which I cringed at!). But I guess the 85% chance within a year is not so bad!
And are you SURE you're not trying??? LOL

Stephanie said...

It can be very consuming to think about. I'm currently there about it too. But since there are only 3 or 4 days a month when it CAN happen (usually), try to let yourself not stress about something you cant change the other days of the month. You can track it online too and have it predict days for you depending on your cylce and temps. That also might help you calm down - or at least give you some other material to read and charts to analyze :) it's www.fertilityfriend.com. Enjoy! And Good Luck! Have fun! ;)

Krystyn said...

Well, all I can say is...good luck and practice makes perfect! Try not to stress.

Sorry for not visiting..my stupid feeder isn't working and I had no idea I was posts behind!!