Saturday, July 05, 2008

15 YEARS...

Kel tagged me for a meme that would sum up the last 15 years of my life. Wow, this is hard. I have a horrible memory so now I'm not only going to have to think back on stuff I've done, but also remember if it's been done in the last fifteen years. AND now you'll all know how freaking boring my life (and I) am.

This meme is: 15 Years in a Nutshell. Think back on the last 15 years of your life. What would you tell someone that you hadn’t seen or talked to for 15 years? How would you sum up your life? You get 10 bullet points. A list of 10 things to summarize you. At the end of your list, tag 5 more people and send on the love.

Fifteen years ago it was 1993 and I was seventeen years old (holy crap) and a sophomore heading into my junior year...hating every inch of high school and not so happy with myself either. The only good thing about school at that time was I met my future best friend April (who is now like my sister!) and I am so thankful she moved to CT from NY! I think at that time we were living on the Wallingford/Meriden line in a condo my parents rented (seriously, we moved about 12 times through out my childhood).

Anyway, my senior year of high school, crazy family shit (all due in part to my brother's wild lifestyle and my mom's illness) was going on and I hated school and never wanted to go (and I went from a decent B-ish student to failing). I was never popular but I certainly wasn't unpopular either...I was the "quiet, nice" girl that everyone knew and in my year book lots of people wrote, "You were so quiet. I wish I had gotten to know you better." I didn't smoke, drink or do drugs or party...I was just really stressed out by my home life. I ended up leaving school and finishing my senior year doing the work at home through an adult ed. program. Best decision ever. It's when I started to morph from that scared little caterpillar into a vivacious and happy butterfly. I decided on a whim, after graduation, to go to college. Eastern Connecticut State University. At first it was great, but then things started to go downhill. My best friend from childhood (not April) started to treat me like shit, my roomamte was a model so I started feeling badly about myself again, my brother was constnatly in trouble with the police back home, my mom got held at knife-poitn one day at her job, she also eventually had to stop working due ot her Lupus, and my father got laid off...and I felt like I was goign to have a mental melt-down. My grades started to suffer. Again. So just shy of about 3 months of finishing my first yera of college, I left.

I met my first serious boyfriend at nineteen and began three years of puppy love. My first love, my first kiss, my first sexual partner. While there were flaws with the relationship, and it was obvious it wasn't going to last forever (hindsight is certainly wasn't obvious to me then) it was also a GREAT way to start out in the dating world and an awesome learning experience. J made me feel beautiful for the first time...and he was romantic and wrote me love notes and cards, sat and watched the sunset with me, and was the first boy to ever tell me he loved me. I will never forget how good that felt. To realize I could be loved by someone other than my parents and friend.

At that same age I started working at an awesome company with people that were hilarious. I stayed there for seven years. In that seven years I really came into my own, loved the person I had become, although after that breakup with J, it took some time to realize that. I moved in with a close, childhood friend and her 8-month old baby and enjoyed the"freedom" of getting out from under my parents roof (not that I had it so bad!). I adopted my first pet on my own, my pretty, black girl cat, and named her Bailey. Seven months into it, all hell broke loose between me and my roommate/friend and we parted under VERY negative circumstances...I thought that our friendship was over, beyond repair. We didn't end up speaking for a year after that. I got my own teeny, tiny apartment and I loved every inch of living alone. I adopted another cat, named her Molly, and continued to dance till the wee hours of the morning and have fun with my friends.

In late 2001, at the age of 25, I found out my dad was sick. After Thanksgiving, him and my mother dropped the bomb that would completely alter all of our lives. Dad had Cancer. They gave him six months left to live. I fell into such a despairing hole of depression, I never thought I'd crawl back out of. Now, I look back at my journal entries from that time in my life and it was so raw, so painful, so angry. My heart aches for that girl. I had to mourn my father, take care of my mother, continue to work and pay my mounting bills, cry into my kittie's fur at night and rage at the world. Thank god for anti-depressants and caring FRIENDS. That's the only way I made it through that whole period. I started dating a new guy at that point, JH, who also helped me cope.

In May of 2002, Dad died and then JH took me to Florida the day after the funeral (it's just how it worked out...we already had the trip planned before he passed and my mom urged me to go even though I was going to cancel out) and I had a wonderful time with him and his family and it took me out of that mourning for a bit. Remember,I had already been mourning dad's impending death for the whole six months leading up to it. It was rough. I moved to another, bigger, apartment, adopted another (moose) kitty who ended up not getting along with my kitties so he had to back, then a kitten came unexpectedly into my life, who I named Chloe.

In 2004 I took the plunge and changed jobs. That was a crazy, stressful decision to make but I was SO happy and thankful I did it. In 2005, I bought my first home! ALL BY MYSELF! What an exhilaring--exciting--scared shitless feeling!! I loved it. I broke up with JH, which was a difficult but necessary thing to do, and we became even better friends when we weren't dating. Then I got into a car accident and totaled my car. That sucked. I began whirl-wind dating. That sucked even more. I was ready to give up on men and dating altogether...I was so frustrated...either I only met guys who wanted a 'friend w/benefits' or guys who just weren't my type. No zing.

In late 2005, namely December, I began first talking through email, text and phone with Big D! He pursued me and pressed to meet, even though I was afraid of the whole process of going on a bad date, again. Even though talking to him was so much fun and we seemed to connect in such an amazing way. I was just scared. Finally I (nervously) met him in person for our fabulous first date on Sunday January 8, 2006 (and believe it or not,I only know this date becuz of Big D's awesome memory!). 'Chele also moved in that January, my computer/spare room become her bedroom. She lived with me for about 4 months approximately.

In February-ish of that same year, Big D and I said the "L" word to each other and meant it. Three months into dating, my Big D moved in. December 25, 2006, after opening all of our Christmas gifts, Big D proposed on bended knee to me while I sat there happily in my way-sexy flannel nightgown, no makeup and bed-head. I cried.

May 17, 2008 of this year, we got married. Four years later, I'm still at the same job, unsure of which direction I want to go. We are TTC. We are happy and healthy and have a roof over our heads and thankful for the direction our lives have brought us. Fifteen years from now, at the age of 46-47 (holy crap), who knows where I'll be? Hopefully still happy, and healthy with a roof over our heads!

Wow, this was a deep meme...I had to really delve in! So now I gotta try to remember who hasn't done this before and tag a couple of ya; it takes a while but it's worth it:

1. Big D
2. Kitty Concerto
3. Lovely Lalo
4. 'Chele
5. Dawn
6. Lilah


snowflake said...

You should be really proud of how far you have come and the brave choices you made to make your life different! Great job!

jules said...

It's amzing when looking back how much we grow in life. It was nice getting to know you over the last 15 yrs. Glad you had some great friends to help you through the tough times. I think I 'knew' of you just before Chele moved in with you. I also quickly met you and Big D soon after you started dating. Em & I came to visit Chele at your house.

April said...

Thanks Snowflake! I'm definitely proud of how far I've Come!

Julie-I do remember meeting you and Em at the house that time...she was a teeny, tiny peanut! LOL My, how time has flown!!!

Cecily R said...

April that was wonderful! You've been through a lot in the last 15 years but look at you now! You are fabulous!!

Robyn said...

All that made you what you are today, a pretty great person in my book. said...

I always love your honesty. I feel like I KNOW you! Mine's up if you wanna check it out!!!

Jaina said...

Wow, that was a deep meme. But I liked it, you were really honest.

Amy said...

This raises a question I've wondered for awhile - how did you and Chele meet/become friends? She just randomly pops up "then Chele moved in."

April said...

Amy-'Chele and I have been friends now for about (correct me if I'm wrong, 'Chele?) like seven years now? Possibly eight? We met through a mutual friend, Sarah (who has the blog, Sarah's World). I was dating Sarah's brother, John, at the time and became good friends with Sarah. Saw 'Chele repeatedly at parties/home dem's etc. at Sarah's place (and Michele was a home dem. consultant so I booked a party through her). Started hanging out with M, both with and without S, and our friendship just took form from there! :-) We had been friends like 5 years already when she moved in with me!

Chele76 said...

I'll play, I promise! But it probably won;t be until the weekend or so. Got to be good with the computer time ;)

and I think you got the story right. Sounds right. lol

Chele76 said...

or actually one day April woke up and I just popped out from under a rock. lol

lovelylalo said... have really been through some tough times...and look how great you have come out. There is hope for me yet. LOL

Thanks for the tag, I will begin to jog my memory very soon. I am so glad you met your Big D. I am on my way there (hopefully).