Friday, September 12, 2008


I am in a mood more foul than the smell of my kitchen garbage, that needs to be emptied and that I have been thus far too lazy to empty, (holy run-on sentence, batman) and I LITERALLY screamed at the top of my lungs at my dogs this morning for daring to get in my way.

I am in a mood today. A not-so-pretty mood. I was too sad/angry to cry, which for me is HUGE. I cry over everything. Instead, on my drive in to work this morning, I cranked the volume of my radio so loud that it punctured my ear drums, and I belted out some incredibly depressing Tool lyrics while pounding the steering wheel in time to the (music) my anger.


And then I read Kitty's blog post today. And smiled for the first time today (oh well, okay, maybe the second time. The first was one a coworker went to Starbucks for me and bought me my Pumpkin Spice Latte). No, I was not smiling at Kitty's misery. I was smiling at the movement she is starting...FUCK THIS FRIDAY. So in jumping onto her incredibly inviting bandwagon (filled with chocolate chip cookies, ice cream and misery) I'm going to vent and rant my rage this day until I've purged it all out and feel somewhat better:

  • My grandmother's health is declining. Yes, on a good note, the cancer in her throat is gone (after the horrible, draining treatments) but now she seems to be on a downward spiral and I don't know how to react to that.
  • My uncle's dog, Lady, had to be put to sleep yesterday (Kitty, I swear to God! I'm not just making this shit up!!!). My mom called me in tears to say that Lady, who is/was sixteen years old, was dying. My uncle had to make an appt. the next day to put poor Lady down, becuz she could no longer walk, could hardly breathe, and was losing control of herself all over my grandmother's kicthen floor. I remember my Uncle bringing home this excited, happy beautiful puppy when I was only fifteen years old. Rest in Peace, Lady Bug. (maybe THIS is what all those lady bugs were trying to tell me?)
  • I am fucking broke. I was going to say broke this week, but that would be acting like I'm not broke on a regular basis. Which would be a downright lie. I thought I was getting paid this week...sadly, I was wrong, it's NEXT week. Lots of shit is due. THIS week.
  • I hate my job. I cried in absolute frustration the other night on the way home, talked to myself like a crazy woman, asked myself, "Why???? When are you going to get off your ass and DO something about your life, April?"
  • I just finished up another fucking period. My cycle has been crazy the past few months. First 24 days, then 30 days, then 27 days. I have no idea anymore when I ovulate. I have yet to buy the basal thermometer. I'm silently freaking out that becuz of Daryl's diabetes, it will be even harder to get pregnant.
  • I'm starving. Daryl and I have been eating fabulously (i.e. healthy) since last Saturday. Am I happy about this? Yes. Am I hungry? Yes. My body is still adjusting to not stuffing my mouth at any whim that overtook me. Am I still fat after a week of awesome eating? Yes. Did I expect to have lost at the very least a pound this morning when I hopped on the scale? Yes. But did I? Hell, no. And I feel like a selfish bitch for complaining about when I'm doing this by choice, when poor Big D HAS no choice. I'm a horrible, evil wife for feeling this way and wanting a Snickers bar.
  • My house is a total pigsty. I need to spend my entire weekend cleaning it. My entire weekend.
  • I'm applying for a new job. This should be a good thing, right? Right?? I'm silently freaking out.
  • Oh, and did I mention I'm fat???
Okay, this is not a sympathy post...I don't expect to have my hand held or anytihng, but I had to get it all out. If YOU are having a shitty day and and want to join in, welcome to Kitty's created FUCK THIS FRIDAY. (button to come soon).



Kel said...

Only have one question? Do you feel better now that you've got that off your chest??

Always makes me feel better to vent!
(would say have a great friday, but instead..hope you have an effn friday!)

the cubicle's backporch said...

I agree, Kitty had a great idea for Fuck This Friday.

I'm (unofficially) back on Weight Watchers, so I have been hungry non-stop this week as my body readjusts to not eating whenever I want. So I totally understand your pain there.

Since you're broke, I won't suggest joining Weight Watchers, but really, it's great. (I lost 6 pounds this week!)

And I'm back on WW b/c I, too, am sick of being fat. I'm sick of not liking how I look in clothes.

I'm so sorry about Lady (and the irony with Kitty's post is, well, ironic). I know our golden retriever is the same way... I remember when she was a cute little fuzzball puppy, now she has trouble holding her bowels.

I'm excited to hear about your (potential) new job. Keep us updated!

the cubicle's backporch said...

I just realized how insensitive I sounded by saying that I had lost 6 pounds. Ugh. I'm sorry. Really. I know what it's like to NOT lose weight when you feel you should be and someone else say 'Yeah, well I lost 25 pounds this week.' I'm such a bitch.

April said...

You silly lady! I don't think you're rude and insensitive and I'm honestly HAPPY for your six pound weight loss! It inspires me to suck it up and stop complaining cuz if I keep going the way I'm going I KNOW I will lose. I've done it before and I can do it again. So thank you! :-)

Melissa said...

Deep breath! I'll bet that makes you feel just a little better.

I have no advice, just a big (((hug))) I hope tomorrow is Sweet Saturday!! said...

Girl, I can not tell you how excited I am that you are the first person to jump on my Pity Party Bandwagon! Welcome aboard!

Now..... I must be a complete horse's ass!!! I can't believe that your dog died. I'm a jackass for sending that out into the world. Sorry. *shakes head*

And I forgot to put on my list today (hey I was writing till nearly 3 am) that my grandmother just got news that her kidneys are failing and she will need to go on dialysis. *shakes head* I mean, really???!!!

So I can especially relate to your family's, all of them, health problems. I'm so sorry.

Now let's go get ourselves a whooping bowl of ice cream..... and chocolate.

Flea said...

You are not an evil wife for wanting a Snickers bar. I'm sure the Big D wants one too. A horrible, evil wife would wave one under his nose and eat it slowly while he watched. You are a good wife, April. He loves you very much. And he'll help you clean the house this weekend, right? ;)

April said...

Kandi-Don't worry, it's not my own dog, it's my uncle's dog but essentially she was like our FAMILY dog, ya know? SO I still feel crappy about it. :-P

And I'm so sorry to hear about your grandma's kidneys! I hear ya, it's like ANOTHER freakin' thing to worry and stress about...ugh...

...I'm adding wine to my list tonight of ice cream and chocolate!!

Poltzie said...

I'm sorry April, if there was wonderful fat free ice cream and brownies and cake and all that good stuff I would send it to you wrapped in a hug!
Love ya!

Tabitha said...

I am so glad that you were able to vent all that here ~ it so helps to share!! I quite often feel like you do ~ Fridays are always a bad day ha ha !!
love and hugs XXXXXX

Krystyn said...

I'm just glad it's Friday, and it's almost over!

I hope you are able to enjoy the weekend.

Kathryn said...

Hahaha! I LOVE this new meme! I hope it allowed you to feel at least a little better after you blew off some steam.
Now go and have a glass (or bottle) of wine! :)

OHmommy said...

I read Kitty's post too.

I might have to join you guys, would you like to know that I HATE my __________ and I simply can not stand __ and the _______ she says and who the _______ think she is? Seriously.

I might join you.

Dan Mega said...

Holy crap. The huge F in this post was like whoa. Hopefully today turns out better.

Sarah said...

I am fat. But not only am I fat, I'm too damn lazy to get off my fat ass and exercise. And yet I still complain. Go figure.

Oh, I'm broke too. Buuuuut I cant seem to convince myself to go out and look for another job. Heh. Again, I still complain. Sheesh

Sounds like we have a little bit in common. Think its the water in CT?

Robyn said...

get it all out. I like the broke part you sound like me:)

Jaina said...

Venting is a good thing. It's therapeutic sometimes.

Tiaras & Tantrums said...

oh - you are funny!

Steph said...

Sorry I missed this on friday hope the weekend was a bit better!