Monday, October 27, 2008

I am a total, blubbering, mess of a disaster today.

And it's only three thirty? I gotta keep it together for two and a half more hours?

First and foremost, Daryl called me at work this morning and told me some very serious news, about our good friend Steve. This article below is about his EIGHT YEAR OLD nephew, Christopher.

I'm so saddened and feel so nauseous over this horrible loss. I did not know his nephew, but Steve s is a great friend and I can empathise with his loss. I can't stop reading this article, and sticking in the face of MY eight year old cousin, AJ, and following it with the thought, "Oh my God, how would my family go on if this tragedy had happened to us???" I have no problems with children being taught proper gun handling and safety by their parents and trainers...however...I just want to f*cking scream out loud and ask that trainer, why, oh why, was an eight year old allowed to handle a semi-automatic rifle...a gun that Daryl informed some grown MEN can not even fully control???? I will never, ever blame the father in a situation like this...I can't even read the stupid comments on the bottom from horrible, senseless AOL users...I'll be appalled if I do read them. I don't now the full story (if the Dad was with him) but he was with a professional trainer...I guess I just don't understand how a professional would think it's safe to allow a CHILD to hold a gun that is so powerful? I'm just confused.

Anyway, this sounds like a petty thing to be upst over, but the animal lovers out there will understand. I've also been upset all weekend about my little dog Daisy. Daisy is a four year old Jack Rat. I've had her since she was approximately six months old. Daisy has major behavioral problems. She has food/toy/possession/fear aggression. This is something that has gradually gotten worse the past 3-4 years (lots of change for her in our household during that time: her and I moving into a new house, then Daryl moving in and up until that point I hadn't done a very good job in training her and SHE thought she was the alpha dog in the house, then a new dog when Daryl gave me Tucker for Valentine's Day of '06, etc.) and we've tried so many different things to alleviate the problem. Tried different trainings (read articles online, read books, took other people's suggestions) and even hired a dog behaviourist who came to the house every few weeks to help try to train both US and the dog; but Daisy is a tough cookie. This weekend was the final straw unfortunately, because she attacked Tucker (most of you know he is an 80-something pound yellow Lab who is THE biggest baby ever. Daisy meanwhile is 19-20 lbs. of fury. And sometimes DOES attack him unfortunately but usually it has only happened a couple of times a WEEK)...she attacked him SIX times just on Saturday. Granted no blood was drawn, thank god, but I worry that one day she will get rougher and rougher and really hurt poor Tucker.

I need to find her a home with NO other pets or even children (no dogs or cats...we have three cats and she chases them constantly. It's like her prey drive kicks in as soon as they start to run. She's never hurt any of them, thank god,however, I feel it's only a matter of time before she DOES. Her and one of my cats did get into a couple of spats and I've always been right there to separate them but I'm so afraid she'll kill one of the cats one of these days when the cat decides to really fight back). I've tried so hard to find her a home on my own but becuz of her issues (and the fact that I don't feel comfortable letting her go to just anyone...I am specifically requesting someone with dog experience. I would feel horribly responsible if some uninformed person adopted her and she bit them or WORSE) I am finding it almost impossible. I thought we were going to have luck with a Jack Russell Rescue Group (that the dog behaviourist had recommend) however once they found out that Daisy has bitten, they said she is a liability and they would not take her. She HAS bitten both me and Daryl when we tried to take a Kong away from her. :-( There's that toy/food aggression. We do not let her have any treats or food-filled Kongs unless both her and Tucker are in their crates just for this reason alone. We can not let rawhide bones or even nyla bones lie around the house. She will even attack Tucker if he walks by while I am eating something.

I feel like Daryl and I have tried so much. It has even been suggested that if we can't find Daisy a home, we put her to sleep. I just can't do that. Despite the BAD in Daisy there is so much GOOD at the same time. She is a love bug to humans, she is a huge cuddler and would be content to nestle in with you on the couch. She loves to go for walks, loves to swim, loves one on one attention from a human. She has an extremely unique and SMART personality and I don't hesitae to say that with the proper environment and owner who can devote MUCH one on one time to her and her training, that I believe some of her bad behavoirs can be fixed. I know our home is NOT that place for's taken me a while to finally fully admit it and not simultaneously feel like the WORST Dog-Mommy ever. I'm a freakin' emotional basket case. I've been crying nonstop all day.

What doesn't help is that I'm PMS'ing this week, AND for some insane reason I decided TODAY would be a good day to start counting my points again (weight watchers). I've already probably gone over cuz when I started blubbering at my desk for about the 2nd or 3rd time today, my boss suggested, "Why don't you go run out and get us some yummy coffees! Get away from your desk and have a few minutes to yourself." I did it, and then immediately felt guilty as I sipped on my sugar and cream-laden iced coffee. In my defense, I decided early this morning to count points when I woke up and realized I felt slightly better (before my day went to hell in a hand basket). I was sick as a DOG all weekend from this stupid cold/sinus infection/whatever. It just keeps hanging on. I've probably blown the entire contents of my brain into every tissue I can get my germy mitts on. AND my f*cking printer died today at work...on a crazy day when I need it.

OH GOD, can I complain about anything else????


Heidi Renée said...

Oh April, I am SO sorry to hear about Daisy. I hear about situations like this in my work every day, and sometimes there just doesn't seem to be a good way to resolve the problem. Bless you for trying so hard.

The story about the eight-year-old is big in the news here. I refused to read the articles at first because I just didn't want to know. Then I caved, and it was total waterworks. Jason learned how to fire a variety of weapons in Navy boot camp, and he was floored that an adult, a firearms instructor no less, would allow a small child to fire a gun like that. I get a knot in my stomach just thinking about it.

Bekah said...

oh april, Im so sorry for the day you are having. And for the family of that child. How heartbreaking. Just...awful.

About daisy, this may sounds really lame, but can you maybe submit yourselves to be on the dog whisperer? Ive seen similar shows with one very aggressive dog, and he can really show the owners how to train her. Just a thought...I would be hartbroken for have to give a pet up for adoption.

April said...

Thanks Heidi, I've tried and I guess that it's time to finally realize I can't make Daisy "better" on my own. :-(

And about the gun issue that is EXACTLY how Daryy is feeling...he has guns, he goes hunting with relatives, his mom is an ex-cop and he has friends who are state troopers and ex-army, so he just can not FATHOM how an adult would let a child use this type of weapon. :-(

April said...

Bekah-we wanted to do that actually! Went on the website for Dog Whisperer but they won't come to CT. There is another show we watch (forgot the dog trainer's name) and I think she is in England so THAT won't work either. *SIGH* But thanks for the thought!

Robyn said...

I'm sorry about the news on all fronts.
Dogs are tricky buggers sometimes. It is so hard to let go once they become a part of your family.

Sarah said...

That is SO sad about that little boy, I'm almost in tears. He was right about the same age as my son. I cant even imagine the pain of losing your child. God its just horrible.

Tara @ Living A Dream said...

Oh my goodness, April!! I am so sorry to hear about your friend, Steve's, nephew. I read that on AOL this morning - just heartbreaking. I can't believe they would even allow him to hold the gun!

I feel horrible for your situation with Daisy - as you know - I love dogs (and cats) and I can't imagine how you are feeling. You love Daisy with everything you have & you have done everything that you can to help her get better. Unfortunately I don't have any tips for you. I hope that you can find a little old retired lady who needs a companion. I can tell how much love you have poured into her & I agree that she probably needs to go to a home with no kids or dogs/cats. Good luck - you'll have to keep us updated!!

I hope you are feeling a little bit better, too. Screw your points this week - eat a Reece's!! :)

Stephanie said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the little biy. I read the story earlier on AOL..just heart wrenching :(
My thoughts and prayers are with them.
On the dog front, I'm not much help...I'm not a animal fan ;) Dont hate me now though!!
Good luck thouhg..I hope you find a way to tame her or find her a great home!
You can complain anytime you want..thats what we are here for!!

Cecily R said...

Oh, I am so sad to hear about that little boy. It makes my heart ache and my stomach hurt.

Sorry too to hear about your dog. I wish I had a great solution for you. Good luck!

Kat said...

Wow. You are having a BAD day. BUT, at least you have a super rad boss that lets you slip out for coffee when you need one. Right?

Just trying to find a bright side. ;)

Hope you are feeling better tomorrow. :)

Tabitha said...

So sorry to read that sad story.
I hope that you find your little poochie a new home soon ~ it must be so hard, but I know that it must be the right thing.
Hope you are ok,
sending love and big hugs XXXXX

Melissa said...

Good gravy, with all that bad luck something good has to happen soon!

I hope you can find a home for Daisy and I hope that things settle down for you and Big D soon!

the cubicle's backproch said...

I'm sorry to hear about Daisy. And your friend's nephew. I'm really surprised that the trainer allowed a child to hold a loaded semi-automatic gun. Most gun owners/trainers are responsible people who go above and beyond to make sure that the gun is safe to be handled. I'm so sorry.

Sometimes I wonder if PMS brings the bad stuff, or if stuff seems worse when PMS is around.

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

Are you feeling better today???????
Those dogs! You are a better person than I!! I couldn't do it!

Kel said...

Oh April - I'm so sorry for your friend. I read the article yesterday in the news and couldn't believe it and today I find that it has hit much closer to home. It is always sad when a child dies - hang in there sweety, hopefully today will be much better for you!


Melek said...

it sounds like a really horrible and emotional day... i'm so sorry about the nephew. i had heard about that, and i don't understand either how a trainer could think a child could manage a semi-auto. i could barely handle a Glock. i really feel for his family.

as for your pooch, have you talked to your vet about helping find a home? my friend found a home for her Boxer that way... vets have access to hundreds of dog-lovers. might be a place to start.

good luck with everything, especially getting past this day.

Poltzie said...

I totally understand how you feel about Daisy. I had a dog Belle who was the same way. We also tried everything but her and Chili were always going at it. She isn't good with kids under five and so when Chicken came we had to get rid of her.
Thankfully my parents took her but it was really hard. If my parents would not have taken her we would have had to put her down. I was ill thinking of it.
Good luck April, big hugs!!

Stephanie said...

Hope you have a much better, happier day today :)
Thinking about you!!

GoteeMan said...

I live in "gun alley"... pretty much everyone in this area owns one, but there is no way in heaven, hell or earth that I would let my 12 year old or 9 year old fire anything bigger than a .22 cal.

Recoil can be deadly in many handguns and autos. Even for small adults. We know a guy who was at a gun show a few years ago, and as he was handing a handgun back to the dealer, the barrel was pointing back at him, and it discharged, striking him in the gut. He almost bled to death.

I am not for extremism on this subject, but DAMN! There should definitely be better regulations around gun shows and especially around weapons being loaded. What I don't get is - every gun show I have been at, all guns of all types had to have a gun lock on them or a zip tie through the barrel and/or firing chamber, making that type of thing impossible, and they don't have shooting ranges at the shows I have been to, either.

That's a real tragedy about this young man... so sorry to hear about your friend's loss...

Hang in there... sometimes life doesn't deal what we expect, and I know it sucks, but even after 6 years of mine & K's situation, it's still worth pressing on through and I guess it helps us appreciate the short, really good times more...


J/ (

~**Dawn**~ said...

I'm sorry you had a relentless Monday. =( I hope today has been a little gentler on you.

Stephanie said...

My goodness you are having a bad day aren't you :(

I heard about the 8 year old and the gun. It broke my heart. I just heard about it today at lunch actually :(

Heather said...

my prayers are out to your friend steve, however i am not sure (AND MY OPINION ONLY) if there is anyone to blame. seeing that my 4 year old has already been taught gun safety i know that there are risks of her knowing it and i just have to pray nothing like that will happen even though it could happen.
i wish i could help out with the dog situation...worse case scenerio the humane society just opened a pet santuary where everyone is guaranteed a home with there or in another home. no more euthinasion from my understanding.

Jaina said...

My heart broke reading that article. What a horrible tragedy. I hate that they're trying to place the blame, I didn't look at the comments, I can only imagine the hateful things that must be there.

I'm so sorry to hear about Daisy. I hope you find her a good home soon.

::hugs:: You are all in my prayers.