Ugh. Another cycle about to end...damn period due Sunday. And I've got ALL the PMS-symptoms to prove it. Back to the drawing board.
Last night I was not in a good state. Between my anxiety (which has reared it's ugly head for multiple reasons and multiples TIMES this week), to massive PMS and the most horrendous chocolate-craving I've ever experienced before in my life--let's just say Daryl was lucky to get away alive from my clutches.
At 8:00pm, with my hair pulled tight in a not-so-attractive ponytail atop my head and dressed in only my pj's (oh ok, sweatpants and a tank) I threw on sneaks, a denim coat and literally RAN out to the truck. The short drive to S&S took way too long. I was jonesing in a big way, as images of chocolate danced merrily in my head and I practically shook with the need. I salivated at the thought of how good it would taste. All while simultaneously asking myself, "Really? For real, you're driving out to the store at eight o'clock at night just to get chocolate?" Yup. I was. And I did. And I can't even begin to describe to you the sweet relief as I nibbled the edges off that very first peanut butter cup (which was 1 of 4, I won't lie to you) while I huddled on my couch. And despite the intense relishing of the that chocolate, I also simultaneously felt like an asshole as I ate it in front of Big D, who so studiously munched away on his unsalted peanuts, while he watched tv. *SIGH*
In case you are wondering, Big D's doctor's appointment was so-so. Yes, he is doing good with his diabetes and his glucose level (tested at the office) was pretty darn good, at about 120. However, his cholesterol is B-A-D. SUPER BAD. Horribly bad. And now he is on two more prescriptions. I'm stressing out about his health. I just want him healthy, I don't want to have to worry about him dying on me (I know that sounds melodramatic, but I have a pessimistic streak in me, so sue me). He is not as worried as me...he is more matter-of-fact and just like "Let's take care of it" but I can't help but worry. Just like I know he would worry about MY health if I was the one in his shoes. Anyway, we ate oatmeal for breakfast this morning and I'll force it down his throat EVERY SINGLE MORNING if I have to, in order to lower that cholesterol. That's love, baby.
And on my end, I called the doctor this morning myself and made an appointment to talk about this damn anxiety. I went from having an episode of it like once a month--no big deal--to which if I wanted to (but more often than not I try to take care of it w/out meds) I would pop a pill if it got bad....to this week having that horrible tightness in my chest and feeling like I can't breathe and like I'm going to bawl at the drop of a hat...EVERY SINGLE DAY. *Sigh* And then there is my hip pain. I just am so sick of it. I can't sleep on my right side, it kills when I've been sitting or laying down for a period of time and go to stand up, and even just sitting here if I turn a certain way it is just a dull, throbbing ache. It's been going on and off (more off than on, thankfully--it seems to bother me more fall into winter) for over a year so time to get to the bottom of it. A doctor, a year ago, told me I probably pulled something and showed me stretches to do but why is it rearing it's ugly head now? A year later?
Ugh. I think I just need to drown my sorrows in a deliciously-spicey, Starbucks Pumpkin Spice latte. Hell, I'm not pregnant, I can drink as much freakin' caffeine as I want!! (and no, for those wondering, the coffee is not what is causing my anxiety-feelings. I don't drink that much of it. Maybe one cup in the morning and that's it. And the anxiety often comes on a day when I haven't even had any. In case ya wondered.)