Thursday, October 02, 2008

Ugh. Another cycle about to end...damn period due Sunday. And I've got ALL the PMS-symptoms to prove it. Back to the drawing board.

Last night I was not in a good state. Between my anxiety (which has reared it's ugly head for multiple reasons and multiples TIMES this week), to massive PMS and the most horrendous chocolate-craving I've ever experienced before in my life--let's just say Daryl was lucky to get away alive from my clutches.

At 8:00pm, with my hair pulled tight in a not-so-attractive ponytail atop my head and dressed in only my pj's (oh ok, sweatpants and a tank) I threw on sneaks, a denim coat and literally RAN out to the truck. The short drive to S&S took way too long. I was jonesing in a big way, as images of chocolate danced merrily in my head and I practically shook with the need. I salivated at the thought of how good it would taste. All while simultaneously asking myself, "Really? For real, you're driving out to the store at eight o'clock at night just to get chocolate?" Yup. I was. And I did. And I can't even begin to describe to you the sweet relief as I nibbled the edges off that very first peanut butter cup (which was 1 of 4, I won't lie to you) while I huddled on my couch. And despite the intense relishing of the that chocolate, I also simultaneously felt like an asshole as I ate it in front of Big D, who so studiously munched away on his unsalted peanuts, while he watched tv. *SIGH*

In case you are wondering, Big D's doctor's appointment was so-so. Yes, he is doing good with his diabetes and his glucose level (tested at the office) was pretty darn good, at about 120. However, his cholesterol is B-A-D. SUPER BAD. Horribly bad. And now he is on two more prescriptions. I'm stressing out about his health. I just want him healthy, I don't want to have to worry about him dying on me (I know that sounds melodramatic, but I have a pessimistic streak in me, so sue me). He is not as worried as me...he is more matter-of-fact and just like "Let's take care of it" but I can't help but worry. Just like I know he would worry about MY health if I was the one in his shoes. Anyway, we ate oatmeal for breakfast this morning and I'll force it down his throat EVERY SINGLE MORNING if I have to, in order to lower that cholesterol. That's love, baby.

And on my end, I called the doctor this morning myself and made an appointment to talk about this damn anxiety. I went from having an episode of it like once a month--no big deal--to which if I wanted to (but more often than not I try to take care of it w/out meds) I would pop a pill if it got this week having that horrible tightness in my chest and feeling like I can't breathe and like I'm going to bawl at the drop of a hat...EVERY SINGLE DAY. *Sigh* And then there is my hip pain. I just am so sick of it. I can't sleep on my right side, it kills when I've been sitting or laying down for a period of time and go to stand up, and even just sitting here if I turn a certain way it is just a dull, throbbing ache. It's been going on and off (more off than on, thankfully--it seems to bother me more fall into winter) for over a year so time to get to the bottom of it. A doctor, a year ago, told me I probably pulled something and showed me stretches to do but why is it rearing it's ugly head now? A year later?

Ugh. I think I just need to drown my sorrows in a deliciously-spicey, Starbucks Pumpkin Spice latte. Hell, I'm not pregnant, I can drink as much freakin' caffeine as I want!! (and no, for those wondering, the coffee is not what is causing my anxiety-feelings. I don't drink that much of it. Maybe one cup in the morning and that's it. And the anxiety often comes on a day when I haven't even had any. In case ya wondered.)


Stephanie said...

OH, I'm so sorry you are having such a crappy week. :( I'm glad D's glucose levels are better, but that sucks about his cholesterol. Good luck to both of you pulling through and starting to feel better. Keep us updated after your appt please!
One more day until Friday!!!

Tara said...

I'm happy to hear that your husband's blood sugar levels are improving! My husband has HORRIBLE cholesterol, too. He is 23 & at a normal weight & he walks the dogs daily... we don't eat horrible - so I think it is hereditary? It was recommended to us that he eat fish, almonds/walnuts, purple colored fruit (plums, grapes, etc.), and some red wine. I'm with you though, I don't want him to croak! :)
Do you think your hip hurting could be caused by your siatic nerve? It may be worth checking into, I've known a lot of people that have had hip/leg pain that was because of this.
Just an idea! :)

Melissa said...

You know it's totally reasonable for you to be anxious and stressed. I do recommend seeing a doctor...there are a lot of things they can do to make you feel more comfortable.

Joe is also on cholestrol meds. I know how scary all that can be when you first hear about it but once they get the dose correct and Big D's levels come down (and that should happen quickly) it will just be another pill he takes every day.

Hang in there, kiddo! You have way more than you fair share to deal with lately! (((hugs))

Jaina said...

Yay for oatmeal. I wish I could give you a hug, this week has just been no fun for you. I hope your weekend gets MUCH better.

tricki_nicki said...

I know you're not having a very fun day...but you're so FUNNY! You make mine better, even when you're being poopy. Mwah!

ALF said...

You better whip that boy into shape! Of course he would worry just like you if the roles were reversed.

I used to have terrible anxiety too (I guess I still do but I try to ignore it) so I know what it's like. I hope you're feeling better soon.

Anonymous said...

drink it up girl, drink it up. That's what I'm doing!

angie said...

I'm so sorry about the anxiety. I think you have every reason to be stressed with everything that's going on. At least Big D is not ignoring the drs and trying to be healthier. That's really hard!

P.S. I wouldn't rule out pregnancy until you see color. :)

Heidi Renée said...

I too have gone to the store looking like a homeless person. I pretend that this is because I am secure in my appearance, but really its just because I am desperate.

Kathryn said...

Start running! Seriously! The best stress reliever EVER! We'll duct tape those ladies down if we have to. ;)

Sorry you are having such a crappy week. Hope it gets MUCH better.

Krystyn said...

I heart the PSL, too! It's my fav...and it's just as good decaf.

Sorry things are going so well. Thank goodness it's almost Friday.

My hubby has high cholesterol and he is otherwise very healthy. Diet and exercise.

I hope you can get some help with the anxiety, too. It is no fun.

Robyn said...

I totally get the running for chocolate. I think pms is why I have been on a cookie bender.

the cubicle's backporch said...

Making a run for chocolate at 8:00pm while on your period is TOTALLY understandable. And I too get anxiety at weird times. It's weird what our bodies can do to us.

I'm sorry Big D's cholesterol is high, but at least you guys found it NOW and not after he had a heart attack at 35 or something.

Sweetly Single said...

It is a sign of a good man who can live through pms.

Poltzie said...

Good for you for taking control of yours and Big D's health! He is so lucky to have you.
Take care of yourself my friend! If I was closer I'd be buying you the chocolate myself :)