Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Note: I'm sorry to those of you who don't want to read all my pregnancy in's and out's but I don't journal by hand anymore and I do want to remember everything. So into my blog it all goes!

Why is it that I'm freakin' ravenous all the time, and yet the look/smell/taste of most foods totally repulses me? It makes it a little bit hard to figure out what to eat, no?

AND why is it, that the only foods that DON'T repulse me, are the most unhealthy ones??? I crave beef, but not in a healthy form, oh no. I crave beef in burritos, or big, fat cheeseburgers. (Think: Taco Bell, McDonald's). Or pizza. Thank gawd, I am not sickened by my lovely, tasty pizza! Ha! But seriously, at this rate, I'm going to weigh a bazillion pounds! I'm trying to keep it in check, don't worry. But it's definitely hard when that hunger is gnawing at me. And the worst part is when it is gnawing at me, I've usually waited too long to feed it, and the nausea kicks in and I don't WANT to eat. It's a vicious cycle.

I have not thrown up (yet) and for that, I'm eternally grateful. However, I've had many a gagging/dry heaving moments. Ha! Most of them, make me laugh afterwards. Yes, I'm crazy. Sunday night around 8pm, I was hungry, sick to my stomach and nothing in my house looked good. I finally settled on peanut butter slathered on some saltine crackers but about four crackers into it, I realized that was not a good idea. With my stomach rolling, I ran to the bathroom and knelt down by the toilet and started dry-heaving when all of a sudden I caught a whiff of the toilet bowl cleanser (that I've never smelled before except for while cleaning) and that immediately set me off gagging again. And I ended up laughing about it. Then the other day I swigged down some water with my prenatal vitamin. But becuz those vitamins are so big, if I don't drink enough water with them so that they slide unencumbered down my throat, the feeling of it touching my throat makes me gag. So you can guess what happened, as the water almost spewed out of my mouth and I raced to the kitchen sink, the nearest place to vomit, if that happened. All the while Daryl is shouting out, "Don't puke in the sink! Don't puke in the sink! It still doesn't drain properly yet!" as he hurriedly shoved a garbage bag into my shaking hands. Yes, a garbage bag. Again, we could only laugh afterwards!

My fatigue has died down a little bit, as in I don't feel like I'm comatose every night immediately after dinner. But I do still need to be in bed by 9pm every night or the shakes start and my body starts to feel like a wet noodle. Daryl loves it becuz I am unconscious as soon as my head hits the pillow which means I don't come out yelling at him at midnight like I normally do, as he snores on the couch, "Come to bed, would ya??" I'm a wicked light sleeper, normally, and sometimes his snoring can wake up the dead. But no more does it disturb me!

What else? One of my good friends, Stacey, had gotten me a kick-ass pregnancy journal for my birthday and this book goes into crazy detail that NO OTHER BOOK has gone into about the baby's growth. Daryl and I both have found it insanely fascinating. but the best part for me was today when I read the following:

"No longer considered an embryo, your baby is now a well-proportioned, small-scale baby."

Such a simple sentence. But I can't explain in mere words the affect it had on me. My eyes welled up with tears, and my breath choked in my chest a little bit. And I suddenly felt it...I AM GROWING A BABY INSIDE OF ME. Not an embryo, not a bunch of cells, but a baby. Our baby. Mine and Daryl's. A baby that will have little ear lobes, and sweet little eye lashes, and tiny finger nails, and whose heart is beating, beating, beating within my own body.

This baby already IS my heart.

Monday, December 29, 2008

8 weeks: Our little Cashew
(ok, if you wanna be technical, I'm actually 8 weeks and 1 day today!)

Your Baby This Coming Week

Your baby measures about 0.9 to 1.2 inches (2.2 to 3cm) from crown to rump.

Your baby's arms and legs are longer and her hands are flexed at the wrist. The head is growing more erect and the neck is more developed. On an ultrasound, you may see your baby moving, though you still can not feel this.

The organs are forming. Ears are developed and the eyelids have begun to cover up your baby's eyes. Hands and feet appear as well as small buds which will become fingers and toes. The paddles of your baby's hands have clearly defined finger ridges now, with the tissue between them (which previously made them look webbed) reducing to leave separate fingers.

Your baby's back has started to straighten slightly and the tail is now shrinking. The head still seems large and is curved forwards on her chest. Your baby is starting to look like a tiny person!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Merry (belated) Christmas everyone!

I'm such a slacker lately with bloggin'. I just never feel good enough to focus on it. Most of the time I'm laying on the couch, in my sweat pants, moaning about how much my tummy hurts, or how nauseous I am. (But thank gawd, no puking, so I really can't complain!!). I ended up not being able to eat much of Christmas Eve or Christmas dinner becuz (1) I fill up way too easily now and (2) the smell of the ham and lasagna on Christmas Day totally turned my stomach! Of course, the pie went down nice and easy!! A tiny sliver each of apple and pumpkin. Mmmm! But sadly it wasn't homemade, I bought store-bought...OH MY GOD, the horror!

We got great gifts this year, our family's and friends are awesome! I appreciate it all so much. Lots of gift cards, some I already mentioned in a previous post: Cheesecake Factory, Kohl's, Old Navy, Chili's, Macy's. Also we got about $250 in cash from his Grandma and Dad, and my Mom, that will be going towards the purchase of a snow blower. Big D's bad back can NOT handle shoveling this heavy snow and he refuses to let me help him (at least until next winter...heh heh).

I also got a beautiful afghan from D's Grandma. I cuddled with it on Christmas morning. We got up around seven (thanks to the puppy whining, he's preparing us for the baby. He wakes us up at random times crying!) and I made Daryl coffee, and hot chocolate for myself (again, coffee and tea are TOTAL turn-offs for me since I've been pregnant! How crazy is that?) and I made some yummy cinnamon rolls in the oven. We opened up our gifts, then our stockings, and then watched A Christmas Story, my favorite and both of us fell asleep on the couch for a nice nap. Since this will be our last Christmas sans child, we were lazy and did whatever our hearts felt! Stayed in pj's until about 20 minutes until my mom and her boyfriend arrived (yup! I even skipped a shower!) and I kept dinner low-key: spiral ham, mashed potatoes, corn, and dinner rolls. And my Mom made and brought yummy lasagna. Her boyfriend, John, made a delicious pepperoni bread which I ate THREE pieces of and had THE WORST indigestion ever from (damn garlic that I love so much).

And Daryl did AWESOME for my gifts this year! We had decided (since buying our 32" flat screen tv for the bedroom about a month ago) to keep Christmas light so I got what he asked for: he wanted socks, undies, etc. I also got him a pair of jeans, a shirt, a Patriots calendar, and two movies (Stepbrothers, and TommyBoy). I also stuffed into his stocking a cute little onesie for the baby that said "My Daddy Rocks". WELL I felt totally out-done by Big D this year. He not only got me a $50.00 gift card to the maternity store, totally unexpected but appreciate so much, he also got me THIS (click on the word to see it) and I LOVE it!! It can record up to 60 minutes and can be uploaded to our computer OR we can even view the video on the tv. He knew I'd love it for when the baby is here and he was right. Plus it's so nice and small we can take it on vacation or anywhere we want to record without a big, bulky cumbersome video camera. Love it! I also got two new Disney movies to add to my collection (I'm a Disney movie buff! I had them all on video and have been slowly converting to DVD): Sleeping Beauty, and The Little Mermaid (two of my favorites).

We still have Christmas with Daryl's Mom's side of the family tomorrow so that will be fun. Hopefully I'll be able to stomach whatever we eat! If not, I'll just eat dessert again. ;-)

How was your Christmas(es)??? Did you all get good gifts from Santa??

Monday, December 22, 2008

We had some good snow this weekend.

I say "good" becuz I didn't have to shovel it. Poor Big D, however, did a mixture of shoveling/snow throwing/snow blowing from Friday through this morning. Our snow thrower crapped out Saturday so luckily our neighbor let us borrow his snow blower.

Friday's storm dumped the most snow on us...and of course Friday is the day I had taken as a vacation day to get some holiday shopping done (I got up early and went with my mom, in anticipation that the snow would start sometime around noon-ish) and then find out my work let everyone go at noon. I love "paying" for my day off while everyone else got a "free" almost full day off, on the company. GRrrrrrr!!!

Oh, on a funny snow-side note, Daryl and I went to a friend's Friday night (yes in the snow...I love four wheel drive) and when we got home and jumped out of hte truck I heard Daryl say, "Son of a bitch! Someone stole our snow shovel!"

"Are you kidding me? People suck!" I said.

"Look, here are the asshole's footprints."

"Follow them!" I cried. "We'll get our damn shovel back!" I was only half-joking but Daryl took off in the softly falling snow, following the big footprints that lead away from where the shovel had been. I stood out in the dark, getting cold, waiting, as I saw him round the corner.

"Well I didn't think he'd go that far." I mumbled to myself, finally going into the house. Then as time was going by and still no sight of Daryl I started to feel nervous, thinking he found the shovel and was kicking someone's ass. Heh. I let the dogs out in the backyard and herad voices and saw my neighbor/friend Brian's car headlights on (the back of his property abuts a portion of the back of ours) but I didn't see Daryl or Brian. Finally, finally, Daryl came back, laughing.

"I found our shovel!"

He said he kept walking, following the footsteps past the two houses next to ours and around the corner to hte next street. Two houses down is Brian's house and just as he looked up, Brian, who was shoveling, said, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Trying to find my damn shovel. Someone stole it!"

"I have your shovel!" Brian said with a laugh. "I borrowed it when you guys weren't home!" So needless to say, never take something from our property in the snow. We WILL follow your footsteps home!!

Anyway, exchanged some birthday (and a couple Christmas) gifts this weekend with friends. My birthday was the 12th, Sarah's is the 24th, and April #2's is the 28th. I got some good stuff! Gift cards to Old Navy, Macy's, Kohl's, a $50 gift certificate for Macaroni Bar and Grill for me and Big D from April #2's parents (yum!), two Yankee Candles in some of my favorite scents (Home Sweet Home and Christmas Cookie) and Daryl got a gift card to Cheesecake Factory which I will gladly help him use up if need be. Plus I had gotten some good money from my in-laws for my birthday...totaling about $160 so I went to Old Navy on Friday and got some clothes. FINALLY. I have been in dire straits with pretty much nothing that fits me (this can NOT be blamed on pregnancy unfortunately) so I got a bunch of stuff.

And now it's Monday again. Blah. I still have to buy more family Christmas gifts, a ham and the fixings for Christmas dinner (My mom and her boyfriend are coming over) and then wrap the gifts. Nothing like waiting till the last minute, eh?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I'm going to make a confession. Think less of me, if you will. Condemn me if you choose to. But I have to be honest.

Pregnancy has temporarily squashed the animal lover in me the past couple of weeks.

Now, don't get me wrong, my fur-babies ARE my babies. I love them to pieces. But lately what I lack the most of, something you need to have with pets, is patience. Lots and lots of patience.

Our new foster puppy, Timber, is the sweetest little thing in the world. He's also the most stubborn dog I've ever encountered in my life and often times makes me want to pull my hair out of my head in clumps. He STILL is not fully potty-trained. It drives me insane to take him outside to pee and then once we get back inside, to have him piss on my carpet. INSANE, I tell you. I have no patience for his adorable puppy antics. I yell, I point, I cry, I frown, I yell some more (mostly at Daryl. Bless his heart). And then when I want to cuddle him, he is so hyper that he scratches or nips me in the face. NOT cool. And this puppy has had fleas for about two weeks now. The Fleas. Will. Not. Die. They are a new freakin' mutant strain of fleas, or something! (I'm not blaming him for the fleas...those came from our other two dogs who had fleas EVEN while having Frontline on them). Well, I should say that I think the fleas might *finally* be gone (thanks, Daryl, for your diligence!) but it has just been HELL to deal with.

My kitties...my little fur-balls. They've brought me so much joy in the years we've been together. The past couple of days? Eh, not so much joy. The other morning I was woken up to the sound of: "Son of a bitch!! I hate your god damned cats!" being shouted from the living room. I entered the living room to find my beautiful Christmas tree laying across the middle of the living room, with garland and ornaments strewn about, and water pooling in the carpet under the tree. THIS, after just on Friday telling my friend, Erin, "Oh yeah, my cats are great. Not ONCE have they ever messed with my Christmas tree. Not once." Those little biatches just HAD to prove me wrong, didn't they?

AND...becuz of the flea issue, we had to bomb the house this past weekend. This meant shuttling THREE DOGS and THREE CATS in two separate car rides to Daryl's dad's house about 25-30 minutes away (my doctor told me that becuz I was pregnant I should stay somewhere else overnight). Catching the kitties to put into their carriers for the ride? NOT so easy. Let's just say, I have battle scars to prove it. Chloe is a "people-climber" when you try to put her in her carrier. Knowing this, I hugged her close to my body thinking I, finally, had the upper hand (upper paw?). Until she turned, lunged,and sunk her delicate little claw into the soft flesh of my shoulder/neck area, not only puncturing me with one little sharp-ass claw but also leaving me a fabulous bruise to boot.

Daisy...ahhhh, sweet little (EVIL) Daisy. I am getting anxiety just thinking about her. This dog has been my baby for the past four years. She has also been the cause of MAJOR stress and anxiety in our house. Daisy has wicked bad food/toy/possession aggression. Not only can no other animal go near HER food or she will attack, no other animal can go near ME while I'M eating or Daisy will attack. OR even if Daisy is near me, no animal is allowed to go near me. She attacked both the puppy AND Tucker while we were at my FIL's this weekend (don't worry, the puppy and Tucker are fine) and then the clincher...the night before last I was sitting on the living room floor eating salad and my Chloe, my loving little Calico kitty, came over for some head rubs. I rubbed and scratched her head while Daisy who was sitting nearby sniffed her. I told Daisy to be good. She was. Chloe wandered away for a bit. Chloe then came back. Daisy went after her. I shrieked and almost choked on a piece of chicken in my salad.

This is the final straw. I have to find Daisy a home. I have been unsuccessful thus far, due to her issues, and I will have no other choice but to (a) drop her off at a shelter (and most likely they won't take her since she's bitten both myself and Daryl before. She drew blood on Daryl) or (b) put her to sleep. I know this might sound horribly cruel to some but it's really our last choice. I've tried a rescue group but again, becuz she has bitten, they would not take her claiming she is a liability. I've been told to NOT tell people that she is bitten, to get her into a shelter, etc., but there is no way in HELL I can do that and feel good about myself, knowing the potential for disaster. If she hurt someones child or injured/killed one of their animals, I'd never, ever forgive myself!
I have to stop talking about it becuz I'm going to cry. But I can't have an animal like this in a house with my baby. No way in hell.

Tucker has been the only fur-baby not completely stressing me out. I mean come on, how can you get mad at that sweet yellow face????
Monday while I was home sick from work, he cuddled, he gazed lovingly at me, and he even at one point rested his sweet little snout on my severely bloated belly. I could not stop kissing his soft head and petting and rubbing his belly.

Let's see how long before HE tries my patience. Heh.

Seriously? I love my animals to pieces. So please don't judge me. I just had to vent and get all of this off my chest! I'm sure by next week, I'll be back to my normal, loving, patience-filled self!
I promise.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Introducing to the Bloggy-World for the first time...

....it's little Baby Cashew!! (becuz "Peanut" is so over-rated). And sorry for the tiny picture. Obviously Big D and I are utter dorks when it comes to scanning and saving pics.

We had our doctor's appointment today and it went great! Daryl and I both got to see the happy flutter of the Cashew's swift heartbeat. Seeing that, and realizing that this little nut was growing inside of me, was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. My smile was ear to ear, infectious.

In symptom-news, I still have not succumbed to morning sickness (yet...knock on wood) and I'm thankful for that. However, if I get it, I'll "happily" puke my way through it. So far I've had the most wicked indigestion in my life. I can honestly say Daryl is quite tired of hearing me burp. Burping is my life now. I've only had heartburn twice (and once was after eating my deliciously, delectable Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Christmas tree....bummer!) and I did have some dry-heaving moments yesterday after a bout with eggs. I am going to be steering clear of eggs for a couple of days. Heh. I have some yummy Ben and Jerry's in the freezer right now but the idea of eating that makes my stomach roll, so sadly, no ice cream tonight.

I'm still tired but trucking along...the only reason I'm still up/awake right now is becuz I had to bake five and a half dozen cookies for a cookie swap at work tomorrow otherwise I'd be curled up in bed. Sorry to the guys reading this but it's got to be said...my dang boobs are getting BIG already. Day-UM, people. I'm in trouble! And my nipples? Holy crap, it's like the headlights are ON all the time. My stomach is bloated up to the size of a small watermelon and the majority of my clothes can not be buttoned over it. We didn't even go to Daryl's Christmas party this weekend becuz I had a minor meltdown in a dressing room when I couldn't find anyting to fit, and then the constipation this weekend pretty much didn't help matters any.

But ya know what? I wouldn't trade ANY of it, for the world. I'm so thankful to be where I am, growing and nurturing this life that Daryl and I created. I look forward to this journey, the unknown, in the next nine months!! And then meeting our little Cashew beyond that!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Tucker reeeeeally loves when his Mama is home sick....
Sorry I haven't posted in the past few days. Been busy AND not been feeling too well either. More to come tomorrow!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

MMmmmmm....Mint Hot Chocolate is the BOMB.

It tastes just like a peppermint patty!!

Yum. Yum. Yum.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

My birthday is this Friday. I'll be 32 years old. Ugh.

I took the day off from work with the intentions of having some kick-ass birthday plans but of course, life happens and things don't work out the way you envision (not that I'm complaining!! I'm just super-super tired and know a day trip to NY to see the Christmas lights is not on the agenda anymore). Big D is still working (he was originally going to take the day off too but he's had to take other time off lately: short day for doctor's appt. on Monday, short day for my holiday Christmas party on Tuesday afternoon) so I'll be on my own during the day.

I thought I'd maybe finally, finally get started on my Christmas shopping. Of course a big, nasty, messy storm is rolling in just in time for...you guessed it...my birthday. So who knows if that will pan out. I still have NO OUTFIT to wear to Daryl's company Christmas party Saturday night so I do have to venture out sometime to get one. I'm not looking forward to trying on clothes. Ugh!

So hopefully if I'm lucky, I'll just have a nice quiet birthday night with my Big D on Friday...maybe he'll take me out to dinner or something local and fun. Keep your fingers crossed the messy weather STAYS AWAY till at least next week!

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Big D and I went to my doctor's appointment yesterday. It went well. We went over all kinds of medical history etc. and the doctor said he could do an ultrasound but we wouldn't see much this early on. For my peace of mind, I told him that yes I wanted one. Even just seeing that little poppyseed on the screen made me breathe a momentary sigh of relief.

I asked the doctor, "So, when can we stop worrying so much about miscarriage?"

He replied, "From conception straight to birth."

Point taken.

"Okay," I started again, holding back the eye-roll I wanted to give him. "I realize that it could happen at any time, but what is the normal period of time for it to occur?"

He told us that 30-50% of women miscarry. He said once we see the happy flutter of a heartbeat on the screen, that percentage goes down to about 10%. He said everything looks perfect so far, though, and that within another week a heartbeat would be visible.

So, now I just have to hold on to see the heartbeat. I'm a relatively positive person but at the same time, I'm trying to remain realistic about the chances. I have to be. He had me go do bloodwork last night and I'll go again on Wednesday to be sure all my hCG and progesterone levels are doubling up as they should be. So if I can ask a favor of all of you, please send all your positive, healthy energy to mine and Daryl's little poppyseed? We would both appreciate it so much.

Last night after getting home and eating dinner, I groaned when I realized I was supposed to be making mhy Death by Chocolate for my company Chrsitmas party today 3-6pm. We forgot to stop for the ingredients so I decided just to make brownies instead. Daryl, knowing I was tired and kind of spent from the doctor's appointment, offered to make them and told me to go relax in the living room. Not only did he make the brownies, he dove into making my Peanut Butter Blossoms for my company's Cookie Swap that's coming up.

I went out into the kitchen at one point to check on the progress and Daryl was happily putting all the ingredients into our KitchenAid mixer. I curiously glanced it and couldn't help but smile. On top of a lump of numerous ingredients, I see two sticks of butter laying on a pile of flour.


"Um, Daryl? Can I make a suggestion for next time?" I asked.

"No! No comments! I'M doing this." He insisted. I shrugged and went back out to the living room. A little later he asked for some help in rolling the cookies. I started to roll them, thinking that when I make them the cookie dough usually feels a tad...wetter.

After they come out of the oven, we normally push in the hershey kisses so I kept checking on the cookies, finally saying to daryl, "Huh, they're not spreading out like usual."

"I suck! I'm a horrible baker!" He told me grudgingly. We only ended up making about three cookie sheet's worth cuz it was getting towards my bedtime and Daryl was frustrated with the cookie's not spreading out like they should.
But damn if I didn't think Daryl was THE CUTEST (if not the best baker) HUSBAND ever!!!

Monday, December 08, 2008

I can't believe it's Monday again. Where the heck do the weekends go???

And I'm starting to stress about the holidays...I have done no Christmas shopping, sent out no Christmas cards and have not baked one single Christmas cookie.

Ack! What the heck am I doing?

Time is running out!

And to make matters worse my weekends are jam-packed from now till Christmas. I have no energy in the evenings to start baking (I'm in bed between 8-9pm every night) so the cookies have been on the backburner (heh...pun intended). I honestly wouldn't even bake this year (oh my god, the HORROR! April doesn't want to BAKE??) if it wasn't for the Cookie Swap at my work on Dec. 17th that I'm a part of and the people in my family that are expecting cookies (I bake them and hand out every year).

I already told Daryl I'm not mailing out cards this year. I feel horrible and un-holiday-ish but I just don't have the time this year--it would just be one more thing for me to stress about (THIS is why I normally mail them out IMMEDIATELY after Thanksgiving usually). Big D and I already got our gift to ourselves (our 32 inch flat tv for our bedroom) so we decided to just get each other a couple of small items for under the tree. But that still leaves all the rest of the family. I have no idea what to get anyone.

This week is a busy one. My doctor's appointment is today at 3:30pm, tomorrow from 3-6pm is my company Christmas party at my office which I have to make my Death by Chocolate for, Friday is my birthday which I took as a day off and I planned on using it to possibly start my Christmas shopping (AND buy an outfit to wear to Daryls's holiday party this weekend)--but yet there is supposed to be a Nor'Easter Thursday into Friday so there is the chance it will be a total wasted day. ARGH! Saturday in the morning we have to go pick up our wedding dvd's (finally), then we're meeting up with Sarah, Brian and Julia for me and Sarah to exchange birthday gifts and in the evening is Daryl's company Christmas party (which I may or may not have a damn outfit for).

How the hell am I going to be able to do all this? And my brain is shot, so I can't remember what is going on Sunday...I PRAY that it's nothing.

Can I go back to bed this morning? Please?

*UPDATE* I SHOULD have gone back to bed. After writing this, I tried to leave for work. I had my car running and locked (to warm up) and realized I could not get in with my spare key. It would not turn in the lock! After calling Triple AAA and having her tell me they could not come out cuz my name wasn't on Daryl's account, I hung up in the bitch's face and promptly broke into tears. 45 minutes and two angry calls from Daryl to Triple AAA later, I'm waiting for someone to show up. My vechile has been running for fourty-freakin-five minutes. I'm late for work. I bawled my eyes out. Trying to just sit here and calm these crazy hormones DOWN.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Okay, I think I'm through pinching myself.

At least for now.

I'm pregnant. Don't mind if I throw that in every now and then in some random paragraph. I have to keep reminding myself, cuz it still doesn't seem real! (well except for the millions of pee-breaks, intense hunger, bloated "stretchy" feeling in my lower belly, and falling asleep on the couch every night by 8pm! Ha!)

This was a funny month for me. I really thought it wasn't going to be my month. Last week should have been my standard PMS week but I was so busy I didn't think about that until about Wednesday (meaning my lack of PMS symptoms...highly unusual for moi!). By late Wednesday/early Thursday it dawned on me that not only was I totally exhausted (which up until that point I had been blaming on the puppy--who we got that Saturday before--and the insane amount of baking, cooking, food shopping and cleaning I had been doing for Thanksgiving) but I was extremely low on patience (and for me that is not normal...I have oodles of patience when it comes to puppies or children!) and I was freaking out left and right on a dime.

I lost count of how many times I called Daryl, while he worked, practically screaming that I just needed a break/just needed a nap/just needed him to get home asap to give me some peace from the dogs. That Wednesday he even text messaged me in the early morning after he left for work: "Just remember I love you, try to have patience with Timber today...he is just a puppy. I am off the rest of the week and I'll be able to help you out with everything." And I text messaged back, feeling kind of embarrassed, "I know, I'm sorry about my lack of patience lately.I don't know what's wrong with me!" And after I typed it, it was like a very faint light bulb dinged on in my brain. Could it be? Nah, it's probably just PMS. But wait, if it was PMS, I would have been bawling my eyes out, not yelling! Nah, it's just PMS, you idiot, now get back to baking!

Thursday, Thanksgiving morning, I woke up early and began preparations. Put the turkey in the oven, peeled oodles of potatoes, drank my cup of coffee and chowed down on cinnamon rolls with Daryl while catching glimpses of the Macy's Day parade on tv...while Daryl was fiddling with the turkey fryer outside he suddenly realized we didn't have enough oil so he had to run out to get some. Almost like a sleep-walker, with no conscious thought about it, I went into the bathroom after he left and reached under the sink for a pregnancy test. Why? I have no idea...at this point I wasn't technically late (at least I didn't think I was but then again my cycles are anywhere between 26-30 days so who really knew?).

After I peed on that stick, I washed my hands and bustled around the bathroom and almost casually looked back down at the test. I didn't see anything. Or wait, do I see something? I picked up the test and squinted down at it...wha----? Is that a line? Or am I crazily imagining a line becuz I want one so badly? I picked it up and put it back down quite a few times. I finally ruled it as a negative test but strangely enough I still took a picture of it and saved it in a plastic ziploc bag. I put it away and stopped thinking about it for Thanksgiving. Obviously I didn't believe it, becuz I still had my glass of wine with Thanksgiving dinner. BUT thinking back on that, I remember I unconsciously didn't finish that glass of wine.

Friday morning, early, Daryl had to go to my grandmother's to go clean her boiler. He also had plans to do his own grandmother's but we were going to there together, since his grandparents lived close to the Christmas Tree farm we wanted to go to. Again, as soon as he left, without much thought I whipped out another test, This time a First Response test which I knew were one of the best for detecting early traces of hCG (for those that don't know it is: Human chorionic gonadotropin, which is a hormone produced during pregnancy). I took the test, started to wait, but almost immediately a second line started to show up.

I peered closely at it, as if my eyes were playing tricks on me, and then pulled it away. "Are you freakin' kidding me?" I said aloud, shaking my head in disbelief. "Is that---? No, no, no, it can't be that--?" I put it back down and took a photograph of it. Just in case. I hopped in the shower but I kept peeking back out the curtain, as if I expected that line to disappear. I took another test, this time an EPT which I didn't know if it was as good as the First Response. The line showed up, very faint, but there. I still kept saying OUT LOUD, "No way, it can't be! Oh my god!" One more test later, I finally, finally felt convinced that the tests weren't playing some horrible, cruel trick on me.

I ran into my room and dug through my nightstand to find something I'd bought months ago, hoping to have the chance to use it. A small baby frame with the words "I LOVE DADDY" on it. I threw it in a gift bag, grabbed all the tests, and went to go sit out on the couch and wait for Big D to get home. The phone rang.

"Hey hun, I just finished your grandmother's boiler. Do you mind if I just go straight to my grandparents now to do theirs' since I'm already dirty? And we can go back out later for our Christmas tree?"

Trying not to sound as anxious as I felt, quelling the nervous and excited tremor in my voice, I said kinda high-pitched, "No! I want you to come home. It's no big deal if you get dirty again doing your grandparent's boiler. Come home now."

"Uh, why, is something wrong?"

"Nope! Nothing wrong. I just want you to come home."

"Is the puppy making you crazy?" He asked curiously.

"Ha, ha! No, he's fine. Just come home now please. " I laughed.

So as soon as Daryl walked through the door, I was already on my feet (I'd been pacing since our phone call, and kept pulling out each test to analyze in utter shock, in awe.) I quickly handed him the gift bag and said "Here! I have a present for you!" with no doubt what looked like a huge-crazy-silly grin on my face.

"What's this for?" He smiled curiously and started to pull out tissue and a small box. He opened up the box and pulled out the frame and looked up at me in confusion. "What's this for? Is this becuz of...the puppy?"

"No!" I said with a smile, no longer able to hold back my excitement "Not the puppy! Look at these!" I stuffed the tests into his hands and he started to look at them all and then back up at me with a hopeful expression.

"Are these--? Wait, are you--?" He started to laugh--laugh-- and smile like a hyena.

"I'm pregnant!" I cried. We immediately attached to each other in a big-crazy bear hug and he kissed and couldn't' stop smiling at each other. I didn't cry though...I just kept smiling. Finally after our frenzy died down a little, Daryl said, "NOW can I go clean my grandparents boiler?" So I of course agreed. He stood in the doorway, just staring at me as I sat on the couch, smiling, smiling again and at the look in his eyes, I finally did it...I started to cry! All the excitement, all the anxiousness, all the worry, all the wonder just finally caught up to me.

So now here we are! Monday I went in for blood work, Tuesday I got the call to let me know that yes, indeed, I am pregnant. I knew it deep down, but I still desperately needed to hear that confirmation from my doctor's office before I could relax a teeny, tiny bit. I know it's early, I know a lot of people choose not to share the news this early, and Daryl and I did contemplate keeping it to ourselves for a while but we were practically bursting at the seams so I said "Screw it". GOD FORBID, if something happened, I know we'd need the support from our family and friends anyway, so we're choosing to share the news.

I have my first ultrasound on Monday so I'm counting down the days/hours/minutes till then!

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

I wanted to sound a bit witty.

I wanted to sound a little sly and keep you guessing.

I wanted to rehash to you how thankful I am this time of year, and especially now.

I wanted this post to pique your attention from the get-go.

Instead, I'm too dang tired. And I've got a full, bloated belly after lunch.

And I'm still pleasantly in shock.

So, here it is, the moment Big D and I have been waiting for, with baited breath....

(and yes, I took multiple MULTIPLE tests since last Thursday!)

I am pregnant!!

Holy shit.

And I can't freakin' stop smiling.

(I promise not to leave you all hangin' like this. The full story will come tomorrow! Right now, I gotta go pinch myself a few more hundred times.)

Monday, December 01, 2008

I'm sorry I've been totally slacking on posts lately! Between my week off from work (and not having time to go on the computer much), intense baking/cooking in preparation for Thanksgiving, a new (hyper) puppy in the house and being totally exhausted and burnt out from it all, I just haven't had the mental mojo to write much at all.

I'm going to do a quick recap of some stuff, mostly with pictures. I hope you all had a fantastic Turkey Day, by the way!

The week before Thanksgiving, Big D and I went to dinner at a yummy German Restaurant called East Side with some cool people: 'Chele and her friend James, and Sarah and her husband Brian. The beers were gi-normous, and every time they brought them out, the owner of the restaurant dressed in traditional German garb (as were all the waitresses) came out shouting, "Ticki, Tocki, Ticki, Tocki, Hoy, Hoy, Hoy!" and we'd all chant along. Our waitress had a very authentic German accent which Big D found extremely hot. Heh. And later in the evening, after stuffing my fat face with German sausage, bratwurst, sauerkraut, potato pancakes, a bite of Sarah's yummy stuffed cabbage soup, and a slice of apple pie (with a birthday candle stuck in it for me...yes it was early, but I enjoyed it nonetheless!)...and after lots of silly banter, laughter and crazy pictures, we were ready to call it a night. And YES, I really did eat all of that. *Burp*

This week I was a busy, busy girl. I baked a freakin' crazy-delicious cheesecake (I promise to post the recipe one of these days on my recipe blog...you will LOVE it!), a homemade pumpkin pie, cookies, I made ahead of time (with help from Mom) the stuffing, also my broccoli cheddar casserole and then after Big D came home from work to take the puppy off of my hands, I would crash on the couch for the rest of the night (sometimes falling asleep) and leave all puppy-care up to him. Timber is doing well...he is a very feisty little guy though who is too smart for his own good! He is awesome in his crate, sleeps through the whole night with no potty breaks (sometimes he wakes us up at 5:00-ish to go pee but that's fine cuz I'm usually up peeing myself at that point.) BUT house-training him is making me crazy. He is smart enough to pick it up, but he's stubborn enough to still want to do what he wants...when he gets excited or preoccupied, he forgets to go to the backdoor to "tell us" it's time to go potty. We have had on average through Saturday (no accidents on Sunday) at least one accident indoors a day. Not terrible, not great. He's also VERY nippy but we are working on that. He's pretty good (maybe like 85%) with "sit", "down" and "come". We still need to work more on "Leave it/Take it" and targeting. But damn, he is a seriously cute little guy.Saturday, Big D and Timber and I went to the tree farm to pick out our Christmas tree. It went quick and easy this year cuz we found our favorite within minutes. And Timber enjoyed his first experience at a tree farm! (P.S. please ignore Daryl's extremely saggy jeans, the boy keeps losing weight! I'm going to have to buy him new jeans for Christmas!!)
And then afterwards we walked our neighborhood handing out fliers for a new neighborhood block watch we sort of spear-headed. Daryl had contacted the chief of police in our town who then gave him the number of the president of the block watch association. That gentleman made up fliers, and helped us to hand them out. It was amazing to hear the general consensus that no one in our neighborhood feels there is much of a police presence and when the police do come, they sort of juts try to placate people. Our first meeting is tonight and I'm simultaneously excited and nervous. We have a few items on the agenda to discuss with the police and town council members who will be there: namely more lighting (it's veeeery dark on our street, not enough street lights and the lights we do have do not come on early enough!), more stop signs for the losers that speed up our streets (the speed limit is like 35mph and most people, all of which who are heading to the low-income housing neighborhood, travel at least 50+ up the road. I can't tell you how many times we've almost been hit trying to back out of our driveway. Ugh!)

Yesterday we had some snow (I'm talking less than an inch!) so of course we ran outside with the dogs so they could attempt to play. Timber was not quite sure what to make of it at first...he just licked the accumulating snowflakes off the deck. Eventually he braved up to go run in it!
Anyway, I promise to post fully-decorated Christmas tree shots soon! I only just finished decorating yesterday!!