Note: I'm sorry to those of you who don't want to read all my pregnancy in's and out's but I don't journal by hand anymore and I do want to remember everything. So into my blog it all goes!
Why is it that I'm freakin' ravenous all the time, and yet the look/smell/taste of most foods totally repulses me? It makes it a little bit hard to figure out what to eat, no?
AND why is it, that the only foods that DON'T repulse me, are the most unhealthy ones??? I crave beef, but not in a healthy form, oh no. I crave beef in burritos, or big, fat cheeseburgers. (Think: Taco Bell, McDonald's). Or pizza. Thank gawd, I am not sickened by my lovely, tasty pizza! Ha! But seriously, at this rate, I'm going to weigh a bazillion pounds! I'm trying to keep it in check, don't worry. But it's definitely hard when that hunger is gnawing at me. And the worst part is when it is gnawing at me, I've usually waited too long to feed it, and the nausea kicks in and I don't WANT to eat. It's a vicious cycle.
I have not thrown up (yet) and for that, I'm eternally grateful. However, I've had many a gagging/dry heaving moments. Ha! Most of them, make me laugh afterwards. Yes, I'm crazy. Sunday night around 8pm, I was hungry, sick to my stomach and nothing in my house looked good. I finally settled on peanut butter slathered on some saltine crackers but about four crackers into it, I realized that was not a good idea. With my stomach rolling, I ran to the bathroom and knelt down by the toilet and started dry-heaving when all of a sudden I caught a whiff of the toilet bowl cleanser (that I've never smelled before except for while cleaning) and that immediately set me off gagging again. And I ended up laughing about it. Then the other day I swigged down some water with my prenatal vitamin. But becuz those vitamins are so big, if I don't drink enough water with them so that they slide unencumbered down my throat, the feeling of it touching my throat makes me gag. So you can guess what happened, as the water almost spewed out of my mouth and I raced to the kitchen sink, the nearest place to vomit, if that happened. All the while Daryl is shouting out, "Don't puke in the sink! Don't puke in the sink! It still doesn't drain properly yet!" as he hurriedly shoved a garbage bag into my shaking hands. Yes, a garbage bag. Again, we could only laugh afterwards!
My fatigue has died down a little bit, as in I don't feel like I'm comatose every night immediately after dinner. But I do still need to be in bed by 9pm every night or the shakes start and my body starts to feel like a wet noodle. Daryl loves it becuz I am unconscious as soon as my head hits the pillow which means I don't come out yelling at him at midnight like I normally do, as he snores on the couch, "Come to bed, would ya??" I'm a wicked light sleeper, normally, and sometimes his snoring can wake up the dead. But no more does it disturb me!
What else? One of my good friends, Stacey, had gotten me a kick-ass pregnancy journal for my birthday and this book goes into crazy detail that NO OTHER BOOK has gone into about the baby's growth. Daryl and I both have found it insanely fascinating. but the best part for me was today when I read the following:
"No longer considered an embryo, your baby is now a well-proportioned, small-scale baby."
Such a simple sentence. But I can't explain in mere words the affect it had on me. My eyes welled up with tears, and my breath choked in my chest a little bit. And I suddenly felt it...I AM GROWING A BABY INSIDE OF ME. Not an embryo, not a bunch of cells, but a baby. Our baby. Mine and Daryl's. A baby that will have little ear lobes, and sweet little eye lashes, and tiny finger nails, and whose heart is beating, beating, beating within my own body.
This baby already IS my heart.