Okay, I think I'm through pinching myself.
At least for now.
I'm pregnant. Don't mind if I throw that in every now and then in some random paragraph. I have to keep reminding myself, cuz it still doesn't seem real! (well except for the millions of pee-breaks, intense hunger, bloated "stretchy" feeling in my lower belly, and falling asleep on the couch every night by 8pm! Ha!)
This was a funny month for me. I really thought it wasn't going to be my month. Last week should have been my standard PMS week but I was so busy I didn't think about that until about Wednesday (meaning my lack of PMS symptoms...highly unusual for moi!). By late Wednesday/early Thursday it dawned on me that not only was I totally exhausted (which up until that point I had been blaming on the puppy--who we got that Saturday before--and the insane amount of baking, cooking, food shopping and cleaning I had been doing for Thanksgiving) but I was extremely low on patience (and for me that is not normal...I have oodles of patience when it comes to puppies or children!) and I was freaking out left and right on a dime.
I lost count of how many times I called Daryl, while he worked, practically screaming that I just needed a break/just needed a nap/just needed him to get home asap to give me some peace from the dogs. That Wednesday he even text messaged me in the early morning after he left for work: "Just remember I love you, try to have patience with Timber today...he is just a puppy. I am off the rest of the week and I'll be able to help you out with everything." And I text messaged back, feeling kind of embarrassed, "I know, I'm sorry about my lack of patience lately.I don't know what's wrong with me!" And after I typed it, it was like a very faint light bulb dinged on in my brain. Could it be? Nah, it's probably just PMS. But wait, if it was PMS, I would have been bawling my eyes out, not yelling! Nah, it's just PMS, you idiot, now get back to baking!
Thursday, Thanksgiving morning, I woke up early and began preparations. Put the turkey in the oven, peeled oodles of potatoes, drank my cup of coffee and chowed down on cinnamon rolls with Daryl while catching glimpses of the Macy's Day parade on tv...while Daryl was fiddling with the turkey fryer outside he suddenly realized we didn't have enough oil so he had to run out to get some. Almost like a sleep-walker, with no conscious thought about it, I went into the bathroom after he left and reached under the sink for a pregnancy test. Why? I have no idea...at this point I wasn't technically late (at least I didn't think I was but then again my cycles are anywhere between 26-30 days so who really knew?).
After I peed on that stick, I washed my hands and bustled around the bathroom and almost casually looked back down at the test. I didn't see anything. Or wait, do I see something? I picked up the test and squinted down at it...wha----? Is that a line? Or am I crazily imagining a line becuz I want one so badly? I picked it up and put it back down quite a few times. I finally ruled it as a negative test but strangely enough I still took a picture of it and saved it in a plastic ziploc bag. I put it away and stopped thinking about it for Thanksgiving. Obviously I didn't believe it, becuz I still had my glass of wine with Thanksgiving dinner. BUT thinking back on that, I remember I unconsciously didn't finish that glass of wine.
Friday morning, early, Daryl had to go to my grandmother's to go clean her boiler. He also had plans to do his own grandmother's but we were going to there together, since his grandparents lived close to the Christmas Tree farm we wanted to go to. Again, as soon as he left, without much thought I whipped out another test, This time a First Response test which I knew were one of the best for detecting early traces of hCG (for those that don't know it is: Human chorionic gonadotropin, which is a hormone produced during pregnancy). I took the test, started to wait, but almost immediately a second line started to show up.
I peered closely at it, as if my eyes were playing tricks on me, and then pulled it away. "Are you freakin' kidding me?" I said aloud, shaking my head in disbelief. "Is that---? No, no, no, it can't be that--?" I put it back down and took a photograph of it. Just in case. I hopped in the shower but I kept peeking back out the curtain, as if I expected that line to disappear. I took another test, this time an EPT which I didn't know if it was as good as the First Response. The line showed up, very faint, but there. I still kept saying OUT LOUD, "No way, it can't be! Oh my god!" One more test later, I finally, finally felt convinced that the tests weren't playing some horrible, cruel trick on me.
I ran into my room and dug through my nightstand to find something I'd bought months ago, hoping to have the chance to use it. A small baby frame with the words "I LOVE DADDY" on it. I threw it in a gift bag, grabbed all the tests, and went to go sit out on the couch and wait for Big D to get home. The phone rang.
"Hey hun, I just finished your grandmother's boiler. Do you mind if I just go straight to my grandparents now to do theirs' since I'm already dirty? And we can go back out later for our Christmas tree?"
Trying not to sound as anxious as I felt, quelling the nervous and excited tremor in my voice, I said kinda high-pitched, "No! I want you to come home. It's no big deal if you get dirty again doing your grandparent's boiler. Come home now."
"Uh, why, is something wrong?"
"Nope! Nothing wrong. I just want you to come home."
"Is the puppy making you crazy?" He asked curiously.
"Ha, ha! No, he's fine. Just come home now please. " I laughed.
So as soon as Daryl walked through the door, I was already on my feet (I'd been pacing since our phone call, and kept pulling out each test to analyze in utter shock, in awe.) I quickly handed him the gift bag and said "Here! I have a present for you!" with no doubt what looked like a huge-crazy-silly grin on my face.
"What's this for?" He smiled curiously and started to pull out tissue and a small box. He opened up the box and pulled out the frame and looked up at me in confusion. "What's this for? Is this becuz of...the puppy?"
"No!" I said with a smile, no longer able to hold back my excitement "Not the puppy! Look at these!" I stuffed the tests into his hands and he started to look at them all and then back up at me with a hopeful expression.
"Are these--? Wait, are you--?" He started to laugh--laugh-- and smile like a hyena.
"I'm pregnant!" I cried. We immediately attached to each other in a big-crazy bear hug and he kissed and couldn't' stop smiling at each other. I didn't cry though...I just kept smiling. Finally after our frenzy died down a little, Daryl said, "NOW can I go clean my grandparents boiler?" So I of course agreed. He stood in the doorway, just staring at me as I sat on the couch, smiling, smiling again and at the look in his eyes, I finally did it...I started to cry! All the excitement, all the anxiousness, all the worry, all the wonder just finally caught up to me.
So now here we are! Monday I went in for blood work, Tuesday I got the call to let me know that yes, indeed, I am pregnant. I knew it deep down, but I still desperately needed to hear that confirmation from my doctor's office before I could relax a teeny, tiny bit. I know it's early, I know a lot of people choose not to share the news this early, and Daryl and I did contemplate keeping it to ourselves for a while but we were practically bursting at the seams so I said "Screw it". GOD FORBID, if something happened, I know we'd need the support from our family and friends anyway, so we're choosing to share the news.
I have my first ultrasound on Monday so I'm counting down the days/hours/minutes till then!