Friday, January 30, 2009

I've been feeling kind of down lately (as you can probably tell from my last post, although that's only part of it). And becuz I don't feel like going into crazy details, I'm going to steal 'Chele's form of bulleting.

  • I have to go back to the doctor on Monday becuz our little Cashew is a twisty little buggar (keep on kicking and dancing, honey!) who will not lay still enough for measurements to be taken for the NT scan. And while I am not stressed out about the results, what I am stressed out about is the going-on-3rd-doctor visit within two weeks, missing work (and using up valuable sick/vaca time when I have still SO MANY more doctors visits to go within the next six months) and doing all of this for a test that I am not even sure why I need to HAVE it. If it's just to determine the chance that my baby has Down's Syndrome? Well, yes it would be sad at first to find that out but I'd deal with it. I love this baby already, no matter what happens, and that wouldn't change anything.
  • I'm still not totally enthused with my OB-GYN. While some things have improved, I still dislike the fact that I show up at a doctor's appointment (anywhere from 10-20 minutes early) to sit and wait around a half hour to forty five minutes before being seen...becuz if it's a morning appointment than (a) the doctor comes strolling into this office at 9:10 am (my appointment was at 9:00am) and (b) there are two other women scheduled SIMULTANEOUSLY for that nine o'clock slot. WTF?? And then I feel like I'm rushed through the appointment so quick that I'm in and out within 15 minutes, don't get HARDLY enough information, and that I always leave wanting more. Again, I say WTF??
  • I am getting so impatient with my job lately. With my co-workers. With the faculty who do not comprehend the stress I am sometimes under. With the clients calling in to complain for things beyond my control...like appointments cancelled due to a freaking SNOW STORM. I know some of it is hormones but a good portion of it is that I just don't care for my job. Unfortunately though, I can't afford to NOT work after the baby is born, and I certainly don't want to have to deal with job-hunting at that point in time, feeling the crunch as no paychecks come in.
  • I'm so sick and tired of this cold, bitter weather. I want it to end. I want Spring with a passion. I'm ready for the snow to melt and the sun to feel warm and to break out my tank tops and flip flops. And to be able to throw down a blanket in the backyard and sit and breathe in the air as my doggies play around me in the green grass. I'm tired of winter coats and heating bills and icy walkways I constantly am slip-sliding on.
  • I'm craving a glass of red wine. Badly. As in my taste buds are screaming for it. Yes, yes, I know, lots of people indulge in a glass here or there throughout their pregnancy. But since I'm not fully out of the first trimester yet which is my deadline to when I can sip some, I wait patiently.
  • By the way, when the hell am I out of the first trimester? Can someone/anyone please tell me that? Everywhere I read, it's different! As of Sunday, I'll be 13 weeks.
  • I'm missing my Dad SO MUCH lately that it hurts. I can't stop thinking about him. And trying to remember the sound of his voice in my head (I've still got it in there, playing like an old reel, over and over). And rehashing over and over his last days with us...why can't I focus on good memories and stop clutching at the bad ones?
  • I hate feeling this cranky when I have so much to be thankful for and happy about. Get over it already, April!

28 comments:

bekah said...

I thought that particular test was optional?

the cubicle's backporch said...

I'm with you on the SO ready for spring. Driving on ice really stresses me out.

I think you need to find a new OB-GYN. That isn't something you should feel stressed about. Yes, sometimes I have to wait for my gyno, but when I get in the room, I feel like I'm his only patient. And that's how it should feel for you.

Morgan said...

I just considered the 1st Tri over with at 13w, well 13w3d to be exact. Oh, I have actually read that red wine is good for you when you are pregnant..who knows!

RCRambling said...

I'm agreeing that maybe you need a new OB/GYN. And I work with doctors and know how crazy-hard they work and how difficult their schedules can be. But, when I was pregnant, my doctor really tried to work with me, so I wouldn't stress-out on missing work as much.

Also, the work thing, I've been there and know how stressing that can be - especially when you feel stressed about other things already.

Hang in there. Put your feet up. Take care. I'm sending a **hug*** in your direction.

Kat said...

It's hormones. They always make life difficult.

But I hear ya on this winter weather. I am so over it. It is so damn cold all the time! WHY do I live in Wisconsin???

I think those tests are optional, but a lot of people take them simply to prepare themselves for any obstacles they may have to face. You certainly don't HAVE to take them. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.
As far as waiting for your doc, that is inevitable. Try and schedule your appointments in the morning. They seem to be less behind schedule then, but not always. I just had a 9:00 appointment and didn't see the doc until 9:30. Ticked me off. Unfortunately, it is the same with all docs.
Hang in there!

Stephanie said...

Unfortunatly, I think most doctors are like that..just wait until you get a pediatrician..they are twice as bad! (sorry, I'll try to be more uplifting now! lol)
Try and schedule your appts first thing in the morning, or the first after lunch, they usually arent too behind then! :)
You are entitled to cranky days! Never feel bad about venting on here!!
Hope you have warmer weather REALLY soon!!
I say you are out of your 1st tru at 13 weeks!!
hope you have a great weekend!

Aimée said...

Oh, I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. I have to agree that maybe (if possible) you should look into a new ob/gyn. I hated one of the five doctors I had to see with my pregnancies (In the AF, Military hospital, so things worked differently) and my B/P always went up whenever my appointment was with him. I just didn't feel comfortable at all.

I'm also sorry about the stress and everything. It's so easy for me to sit here and tell you, it will be okay, you'll get through this (and you WILL) but I also understand that sometimes you just want to bang your fists on something!!

I was told I was out of my first Trimester at 12 weeks (this was 8 years ago), so you're almost or already there! :) Take care and I hope you feel better soon!

The Captain's Wife said...

April- the scan is not needed...you can do it if you want, but along with that comes the Amnio...are you opting for that? There are risks of M/C with amnio...I chose to not go that route. When you have your 20 week (or so) U/S they will measure the brain, the belly, the limbs the nuchal folds...and at that time you will know if there are additional risks for downs. I didn't want to know since I had no plans of terminating either way..

You need to find an OB that you LOVE...they are going to be with you through the most difficult yet rewarding experience of your life! The one that I sent you info on has evening hours (I always went at 4:45 or 5:15 pm) and I only had to wait one time for my appt (granted it was a SUPER long wait). Any other time I am in the room within 5-10 mins and never wait mopre than another couple minutes before seeing the Dr.

I waited till I was in the 2nd tri (13.3) before indulging in a glass of wine. I would say you should celebrate your 13 week milestone and the super bowl on Sunday with a nice glass of Shiraz...(3 days won;t make a difference)

I hate the frigin winter...period no more to say on that~

I am sorry you are missing your dad so much. I have not lost one of my parents so I can not imagine the sadness it brings, but do know that we all send you hugs

April said...

Hey Ladies thanks for the comments!

This is one of my main issues with my doctor...he never even TOLD ME he was DOING the tests...he just started doing them! I thought we were just having an u/s and I saw the letters "NT" pop up on the screen so the gears started shifting in my brain. So I asked, "Are you doing some tests?" and he kinda mumbled "Yes" and that was it. WTF?? WHAT EVER HAPPENED to telling your patient what you were doing? And/or giving her the OPTION if she even WANTED the test done???

Melissa said...

This is all normal stuff, you would be amazed how much hormones can play with your thoughts.

As for your OB, if you don't like him then change, NOW...the longer you wait the harder it will be for you!

This is all about you, April...follow your gut, it won't lead you wrong. And take that from someone who didn't and made a lot of bad choices in the past year.

((hugs)) my friend.

My Two Army Brats said...

Skip the test that's my two cents. Do we really need to know information that's irrelevant? Healthy baby, sick baby, it's your baby and knowing ahead of time to stress about it is just tiring don't you think?

You're almost into the red wine time frame, you'll be alright. Hopefully your second trimester will be much sweeter, calmer, and happier! I can't wait till you feel the cashew moving!

Flea said...

We're all out here chanting it, you know - NEW OB! NEW OB! NEW OB! Now, before you're too far along. See if there's some kind of new mom blog or something in your area and start asking who likes theirs. Find a pediatrician and start asking questions there. And you can skip the test. You don't have to have amnio done either.

Keri said...

*giggle*... the one thing that came to my mind first after reading this post was...
"freakin April"...
and i know you're laughing as your reading this.

NEW OB NOW !! I loved all the ob's in my prego stage... and the u/s lady was FAB!! which was great cause i saw her one to two times a week when i was preggers.

*and say NO to amnio's... you don't need to add risk when you both would be loving great parents to ANY child.

and say "yes" to one small good tasting glass of red wine on Sunday... enjoy one now and then, cause when you get 'house-big' it looks bad ordering a glass.

Peeveme said...

My Dr does that as well. I HATE it. I also glare at the women how come in late for heir appointments thus backing up the whole day.

My Ob practice does not do the NT scan. The 2nd trimester blood tests take care of the risk assessment.

Sometimes you just gotta let out the complaints. You just gotta. It's your blog and you can cry if whine if your want to.

Amy said...

I always assume they do those tests that can be done through routine ultrasound. But to make you come back because the baby can't be read very well. . .honestly, they do it for two reasons. Well three. First, so if there is something wrong you can be prepared at the birth. But the other two. . .one so they can cover their asses, in the event the miss something and then you try to sue for wrongful birth (i.e., you say "had you told me this was wrong I would have aborted"), and two, so you can abort if you want, because at some point it'll get a whole lot harder to do that - not just physically but also I think legal wise.

I didn't like my OB either, and had we not needed to move I would have switched. Although, maybe she would've been better were it not for her uncomfortableness at dealing with three.

kittyconcerto.com said...

Its so sad to hear you so down. I get a lot of it though. I hope all your tests go smoothly, and don't feel afraid (like me) to go seek another doctor.

And feel free to vent. We are all here waiting to give you lots of love.

Robyn said...

I agree new OB. While I chose not to do the amnio, I did do the blood test and am actually glad I did I found out I was a carrier for cystic fibrosis. Thankfully J was not. I am just going to warn you that I wouldn't pray for summer too quickly when it is the dead heat of July and you are 8 mos preggo and you are melting or so swollen from water retention. Just a warning:)

Krystyn said...

I know the cold and dreary isn't fun..but trust me, you will be wishing for it come this summer.

And, you are in your third trimester...13 weeks is it...so I say, have that glass of red wine...just don't chug it!

Trust me, when I say you are on the upswing, too. The second trimester, you are happy, you feel great, you get your energy back, etc!

Kel said...

Hang in there, It can be frustrating, but just repeat - this too shall pass.
*hugs*
~J

Trannyhead said...

Let me just say that if you don't like your OB? Switch. It's still early on in the process and trust me, you don't want to be in the delivery room with somebody that you don't like. You've got a long way to go and it's just not worth having somebody as your doctor that you don't like.

*steps off soapbox*

Also - I think they offer those tests to women primarily if they are going to abort if they determine that the baby has some sort of genetic issue. If you aren't going to abort, you don't really have to stress about it, right?

Hang in there - I felt better between 14 and 16 weeks.

Julie said...

:) Hormones can push you off the edge when pg. I used to watch TV and cry about my job I was miserable. I would even cry when I was at work.

I think you should at least investigate a new obgyn. Call for a interview, sit and talk with them, feel them out and share your current concerns. I worked for a gyn and we had new patients come in all the time to meet her first before seeing her in the chair.

I sent you an email, I will try and get more info for you.

Stephanie said...

I didn't read all of your somments today, so please forgive if this is a repeat. You REALLY need to take a stand with your doctor, or find a new one (that would ahve been really hard for me). Their job is to take careof you and Cashew. Make the doctor take the time to answer your questions. You are paying for them to take care of you. One of the things that I did was walk in with a written list of questions, and checked off each one as I got an answer. I wouldn't let the doctor leave the exam room until everything was checked off. If you're like me, this will be really hard because you know that by taking so much time for yourself, you are taking time away from someone else, but get over that. This is your baby!

And doctors often like to do the NT scan to hopefully avoid later testing. It is all optional though. I refused the testing for Downs and wasn't going to have the NT scan. We sort of lucked into a really good U/S tech who said that thigns looked good unofficially. Once she said that we had the scan done just to feel better.

I wish you luck and peace. You should be relaxing and enjoying this time. Hopefully you can find the balance soon, or at least a watm sunny day.

nancy said...

Hey - I got you in my reader and wanted to thank you for coming to my blog to give support during my scary time. Super nice of you.

As for your bullets (i'm sure others have already given same answers, so forgive if any are repeats)

~ The NT scan looks for much more than just downs. I think it's a wonderful test to be taken so early. sorry it's yet another appt. I had a high risk pregnancy and had to take a 2 hour test (bpp/nst every week and then twice a week. I know how you feel)

~ I love my OB yet had to wait soemtimes up to an hour each time. And this is through 3 pregnancies! But he NEVER rushed me. In fact, he sat down and chilled with me each time, making me feel so comfortable in chatting all my questions/concerns and even just general chitchat. I would never wait that long for someone who made me feel rushed. Have you thought of switching?

~ Wine. Sometimes the craving is just that and a sip is all you will need. I'd just take a sip and quench the craving.

~mathematically, each trimester is 13.333 weeks, which is 13w2d, so you are in your seond trimester starting 13w3d.

~ it's hard when we lose someone and we focus on all the crap we would rather change. It's normal and it'll get better. ~hugs~

Stephanie said...

Those all sound like good reasons to be cranky to me.

Here's what I'm thinking:

If you aren't 100% certain you are being treated with the upmost care, I'd switch doctors. You should not be rushed. Ever.

I considered myself in the 2nd trimester at 13 weeks. And I would indulge in red wine here and there. My baby was perfect (I may be biased, but she was and still is). Enjoy! You can even make it a spritzer and half half red wine, half sprite. That's good too :)

Jaina said...

::hugs:: I hope your doctor either shapes up or you find a wonderful new one. I've never gone through it, but I know it's important to feel comfortable with your doctor.

Lovely Lalo-Cha said...

Hope you are feeling better. Cold weather and missing your father..all without wine can be enough to make you go crazy. As far as the OB/GYN goes...good luck. They all tend to be that way. I am sure there are a few who are better but word gets around. Take some time to talk to the doc about your frustrations. Demand it if needed. This is your right to feel comfortable and not rushed out of there.

I go for my knee today and I hope I am impressed. I do plan on skiing again and being active so I need a good fix.

BIG HUGS to you! You've done great your first 13 weeks.

MarciaBrady said...

Eh...it's ok to feel that way...you've got the hormones kicking and this winter weather is enough to make you that way. I usually like winter, but I'm ready for spring!

Poltzie said...

I used to get confused with the trimester thing too. Every tri is 1/3 of your pregnancy so if you want to get technical. It's every 13 weeks and three days lol! So today - CONGRATS!!