- I have to go back to the doctor on Monday becuz our little Cashew is a twisty little buggar (keep on kicking and dancing, honey!) who will not lay still enough for measurements to be taken for the NT scan. And while I am not stressed out about the results, what I am stressed out about is the going-on-3rd-doctor visit within two weeks, missing work (and using up valuable sick/vaca time when I have still SO MANY more doctors visits to go within the next six months) and doing all of this for a test that I am not even sure why I need to HAVE it. If it's just to determine the chance that my baby has Down's Syndrome? Well, yes it would be sad at first to find that out but I'd deal with it. I love this baby already, no matter what happens, and that wouldn't change anything.
- I'm still not totally enthused with my OB-GYN. While some things have improved, I still dislike the fact that I show up at a doctor's appointment (anywhere from 10-20 minutes early) to sit and wait around a half hour to forty five minutes before being seen...becuz if it's a morning appointment than (a) the doctor comes strolling into this office at 9:10 am (my appointment was at 9:00am) and (b) there are two other women scheduled SIMULTANEOUSLY for that nine o'clock slot. WTF?? And then I feel like I'm rushed through the appointment so quick that I'm in and out within 15 minutes, don't get HARDLY enough information, and that I always leave wanting more. Again, I say WTF??
- I am getting so impatient with my job lately. With my co-workers. With the faculty who do not comprehend the stress I am sometimes under. With the clients calling in to complain for things beyond my control...like appointments cancelled due to a freaking SNOW STORM. I know some of it is hormones but a good portion of it is that I just don't care for my job. Unfortunately though, I can't afford to NOT work after the baby is born, and I certainly don't want to have to deal with job-hunting at that point in time, feeling the crunch as no paychecks come in.
- I'm so sick and tired of this cold, bitter weather. I want it to end. I want Spring with a passion. I'm ready for the snow to melt and the sun to feel warm and to break out my tank tops and flip flops. And to be able to throw down a blanket in the backyard and sit and breathe in the air as my doggies play around me in the green grass. I'm tired of winter coats and heating bills and icy walkways I constantly am slip-sliding on.
- I'm craving a glass of red wine. Badly. As in my taste buds are screaming for it. Yes, yes, I know, lots of people indulge in a glass here or there throughout their pregnancy. But since I'm not fully out of the first trimester yet which is my deadline to when I can sip some, I wait patiently.
- By the way, when the hell am I out of the first trimester? Can someone/anyone please tell me that? Everywhere I read, it's different! As of Sunday, I'll be 13 weeks.
- I'm missing my Dad SO MUCH lately that it hurts. I can't stop thinking about him. And trying to remember the sound of his voice in my head (I've still got it in there, playing like an old reel, over and over). And rehashing over and over his last days with us...why can't I focus on good memories and stop clutching at the bad ones?
- I hate feeling this cranky when I have so much to be thankful for and happy about. Get over it already, April!
Friday, January 30, 2009
I've been feeling kind of down lately (as you can probably tell from my last post, although that's only part of it). And becuz I don't feel like going into crazy details, I'm going to steal 'Chele's form of bulleting.