Friday, February 20, 2009


I have often wondered in the past four months, how I could love (so much) a little baby inside of me. A baby who I've never met, never held, never smelled, never touched. A baby I have yet to feel kick or move within me.

I have often wondered what is it, that could make a mother's heart expand so much in such a short time, about this little being that is growing, growing inside, still tiny, small enough to fit into the palm of my hand.

I keep hearing that I won't know "true love" until the moment I've laid eyes on my child after he or she enters the world. But if that is so, how does it explain the way I feel now? The ever-growing, intense love I feel now for this child, sight unseen?

And then today I stumbled across this blog (<---click there to read it), and this woman's heart-breaking end to her nine-month journey of love. She will never get to hear little Aiden's cry. She will never get to watch his newborn chest rise and fall. He became an Angel before she had that chance. And yet her love was true before she ever laid eyes on him, before she held his still form in her arms. She shared nine months cultivating this love, like a beautiful flower, allowing it to blossom and bloom. I know some people may not agree with me but in my opinion, I became a Mother the moment that second pink line showed up before my disbelieving eyes. I fell in love before my child even looked like a child.

I bawled like a little baby while reading Cynthiaa's story. And while I found it initially so upsetting and heart-wrenching what happened to little Aiden, I now see that no matter what we all serve a purpose. The unbelievable support she has received from all over the world, the lives that her little Aiden-Bug has touched, is immeasurable. It reminds me to cherish each and every moment of this pregnancy becuz God knows things could change in an instant. I promise my little Cashew, to continue to embrace every day I have with him or her, becuz you just never know when it will be your last.

There is nothing more beautiful
than a
Mother's Love for her child.


Tabitha said...

I have also been reading Cynthias blog and her story just broke my heart, but little Aiden Bug has changed my life in a small way forever ~ it is true what you said ~ there is no love like a mothers love. I love my 2 children more than life itself ~
Hope that you are doing ok.
take care ~ love and big hugs Tabitha XXXXX

April in CT said...

What a touching and beautiful post April.

Robyn said...

It was at the line for me too.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for making me cry. :-)

Anonymous said...

Heartbreaking and very true - the love begins before you "officially" meet.

Stephanie said...

You will be feeling those flutters any old day now. It is absolutely amazing. I remember that I had to call my sisters the first time I thought i felt the flutters just to ask them if that is what i was really feeling or if it was more likely gas!

I'll also admit that I wasn't head over heels at first. I was really scared. I knew I was at high risk for premature delivery, and I was just scared that one or both of the girls wouldn't make it. I wishI had gotten caught up in the psoitive instead of the negative. Your pregnancy is going so well, and I am excited for you. Love that baby as much as you want!

Rhea said...

Nice post, April! I think you start loving before the birth because this baby is a product of you and your husband. Your love. Your history. Your everything. How could you now love that?!!

Anonymous said...

So, I obviously just had my babies. And I love them. But you know what, I don't think I haven't known "true love" before. I have true love with David. With the kids, it's just that you love them instantaneously, even though you know nothing about them, and you love your husband even more because the two of you made them together.

Flea said...

:) Each child is precious and a blessing. No matter what their age, inside or out of the womb.

remember moments said...

Oh my goodness, I went to that blog and read and read and read and it is soooo sad and sooo unfair. I feel so awful for that woman and these are feelings I know I would never have understood w/o first being a mom.

My heart aches for her.

Jaina said...

So heartbreaking. I agree that you are a mother the moment that line appears. :)