Friday, February 20, 2009
I have often wondered in the past four months, how I could love (so much) a little baby inside of me. A baby who I've never met, never held, never smelled, never touched. A baby I have yet to feel kick or move within me.
I have often wondered what is it, that could make a mother's heart expand so much in such a short time, about this little being that is growing, growing inside, still tiny, small enough to fit into the palm of my hand.
I keep hearing that I won't know "true love" until the moment I've laid eyes on my child after he or she enters the world. But if that is so, how does it explain the way I feel now? The ever-growing, intense love I feel now for this child, sight unseen?
And then today I stumbled across this blog (<---click there to read it), and this woman's heart-breaking end to her nine-month journey of love. She will never get to hear little Aiden's cry. She will never get to watch his newborn chest rise and fall. He became an Angel before she had that chance. And yet her love was true before she ever laid eyes on him, before she held his still form in her arms. She shared nine months cultivating this love, like a beautiful flower, allowing it to blossom and bloom. I know some people may not agree with me but in my opinion, I became a Mother the moment that second pink line showed up before my disbelieving eyes. I fell in love before my child even looked like a child.
I bawled like a little baby while reading Cynthiaa's story. And while I found it initially so upsetting and heart-wrenching what happened to little Aiden, I now see that no matter what we all serve a purpose. The unbelievable support she has received from all over the world, the lives that her little Aiden-Bug has touched, is immeasurable. It reminds me to cherish each and every moment of this pregnancy becuz God knows things could change in an instant. I promise my little Cashew, to continue to embrace every day I have with him or her, becuz you just never know when it will be your last.
There is nothing more beautiful than a
Mother's Love for her child.