Friday, March 20, 2009

**UPDATE on bottom of post.**

I need to learn how to relax.

The past few days have obviously been tough on me mentally (and even physically...the tummy aches? oh lord!) and it just reaffirms for me that I need to learn/practice ways to just unwind and relax my mind and body.

I think the hardest part of all of this, especially on Tuesday night, is that I was remembering how earlier in the week I happily and naively had thought to myself, "This is the safest and most protected my little baby boy will ever be! Tucked away snug as a bug inside of me, he's protected from the outside world. I don't need to worry so much!"

So of course, when there was the potential thought that my body--the place that was supposed to keep him the safest--was the danger to Hunter, I can't even begin to describe the emotion that welled in me.

It was beyond simple fear.

It was beyond anger.

It was such a total and incomprehensible feeling of helplessness. Here I am thinking I am doing all the right things, and then fate comes crashing down to tell me that it doesn't matter?

Thank God, for the false alarm. Thank God for the fabulous technology today that can show you so much detail and let you know when/if something really is (or isn't!) wrong.

But damn, that shit was scary. And while I think we--both myself and Big D--handled it well, I definitely do see that I need some stress-relief in my life!

I did buy a prenatal yoga DVD a couple of weeks ago. Where is it? Well, still sitting in the plastic wrap in my living room, of course. So this weekend I'm vowing to crack that baby open and give it a whirl. And now that the weather has been warming up (anything 50 degrees or above is warm!) I want to start walking on a regular basis. Both Big D and I can benefit from the exercise and the fresh air. I also chatted briefly with a coworker today and she offered to share some information with me about some tapes that she recommends...basically relaxation tapes (not necessarily meditation, but similar) specifically geared for pregnant women.

SO, that's where I stand right now! My next doctor's appointment is April 8th, I believe, and I plan on asking my doctor about my low-lying placenta. Obviously the Maternal/Fetal doctor told me it's nothing to worry about yet, becuz it's so early and the placenta "usually" migrates upwards as the pregnancy progresses, but I would like to know if this is something they monitor? Or if they just check it again much later in the pregnancy. I think the knowledge ahead of time will help me to just relax and chill out about it, and not stress.

**UPDATE** Since writing this post earlier in the day, I've been doing A LOT of thinking. I still do have questions that I want some more answers on (like for instance, what would make doctor #1 think--from the vaginal exam--that I was 50% effaced when doctor #2--during my Level II ultrasound--the next day said I wasn't?) and so I called my OB's office on my lunch break and voiced that I still had a little anxiety and unanswered questions and that I wasn't comfortable waiting till my next scheduled appointment on April 8th, so could I be seen sooner? They are getting me in for this Monday at 9:30am!! I'm feeling relieved that I won't have to wait long to ask my questions (in addition, I have questions about my low-lying placenta. Yes, they tell me it's not an issue yet, but I still need to know a tad more about it to feel comfortable). Phew!


Anonymous said...

I think they'll just check the placenta at each visit. Well, I was always seeing the specialist, so I'm not sure if your doctor will check all the time. But it can move. The twins' placenta was lying over my cervix until about week 16, then it moved out of the way.

3 Peas in a Pod said...

Hi! I read your blog quite frequently but have been away for a week or so. I've never commented before but am so happy to hear that you and Hunter are doing well. Those maternal-fetal medicine doctors really rock!! I had rare and severe pregnancy problems and have also had a few scares like you. One being that my amniotic fluid was too low. Only to find out it was still within an ok range. 2 of my 3 kids almost didn't make it. The last one wasn't expected to live in utero. She had a less than 30% of surviving. The good news is all 3 of my kids are happy and healthy. Keep the faith. I tried to keep a positive attitude the entire time although sometimes it was hard. Doctors do not know everything and I felt it was all in God's hands anyway.

I know it's very hard to relax when unexpected things come up but try to keep your eye on the ball (or Hunter in this case). :-)

Much love from NJ,

3 Peas in a Pod said...

Hi April!

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

So happy you got another appointment. Sometimes those doctors don't think to elaborate on things when the mother needs to know for her own sanity. They're so used to all of this that they forget the mothers aren't!!

Loved the ultrasound pictures. You must be so excited to meet your little man.

Much love from NJ,

Tabitha said...

I am pleased to hear that you have an earlier appointment ~ so that you can get some answers,
Love and hugs Tabitha XXXX

Robyn said...

I'm glad to hear everything is okay. I have been a bit behind in reading and I almost lost it when I saw your posts in my reader. I am sooo glad everything is okay. I hope you get some answers.

Poltzie said...

Good for you for being proactive! And good for you for being active. It makes your pregnancy and your labour much better!!

Stephanie said...

Way to trust your gut again!!
I'm glad you will get your answers soon! Keep us updated!!

Stephanie said...

I'm glad you felt comfortable calling your doctor to ask for more information, and that you want to be prepared for whatever might happen next. I will continue to pray that all goes well.

Krystyn said...

I'm glad you were able to schedule another appointment and hopefully get some answers.

remember moments said...

I'm just glad that things are ok, but like you are going to do, I would also be questioning doctor #1 about him/her saying you were 50% effaced and the other doc saying you weren't. I would think that would be OB GYN school 101?

Enjoy your weekend. Hope you have time to relax. :)

Trannyhead said...

I'm glad everything is ok ... Pregnancy IS scary. Even if you have a totally run-of-the mill kind of pregnancy. I wish I could tell you the worries end when you give birth, but it gets EVEN WORSE! But you'll be madly in love with your baby and won't care. :-)

~**Dawn**~ said...

I am very proud of you for advocating for yourself & asking to have a sooner appointment to help with your concerns. Especially given the way your last appointment went. I would very curious to hear what made him think you were effaced as well when the specialist said you were fine. Something must have caught his attention that he misinterpreted...

Jaina said...

I'm glad you're getting all the information you need. I'm SO relieved :)