**UPDATE on bottom of post.**
I need to learn how to relax.
The past few days have obviously been tough on me mentally (and even physically...the tummy aches? oh lord!) and it just reaffirms for me that I need to learn/practice ways to just unwind and relax my mind and body.
I think the hardest part of all of this, especially on Tuesday night, is that I was remembering how earlier in the week I happily and naively had thought to myself, "This is the safest and most protected my little baby boy will ever be! Tucked away snug as a bug inside of me, he's protected from the outside world. I don't need to worry so much!"
So of course, when there was the potential thought that my body--the place that was supposed to keep him the safest--was the danger to Hunter, I can't even begin to describe the emotion that welled in me.
It was beyond simple fear.
It was beyond anger.
It was such a total and incomprehensible feeling of helplessness. Here I am thinking I am doing all the right things, and then fate comes crashing down to tell me that it doesn't matter?
Thank God, for the false alarm. Thank God for the fabulous technology today that can show you so much detail and let you know when/if something really is (or isn't!) wrong.
But damn, that shit was scary. And while I think we--both myself and Big D--handled it well, I definitely do see that I need some stress-relief in my life!
I did buy a prenatal yoga DVD a couple of weeks ago. Where is it? Well, still sitting in the plastic wrap in my living room, of course. So this weekend I'm vowing to crack that baby open and give it a whirl. And now that the weather has been warming up (anything 50 degrees or above is warm!) I want to start walking on a regular basis. Both Big D and I can benefit from the exercise and the fresh air. I also chatted briefly with a coworker today and she offered to share some information with me about some tapes that she recommends...basically relaxation tapes (not necessarily meditation, but similar) specifically geared for pregnant women.
SO, that's where I stand right now! My next doctor's appointment is April 8th, I believe, and I plan on asking my doctor about my low-lying placenta. Obviously the Maternal/Fetal doctor told me it's nothing to worry about yet, becuz it's so early and the placenta "usually" migrates upwards as the pregnancy progresses, but I would like to know if this is something they monitor? Or if they just check it again much later in the pregnancy. I think the knowledge ahead of time will help me to just relax and chill out about it, and not stress.
**UPDATE** Since writing this post earlier in the day, I've been doing A LOT of thinking. I still do have questions that I want some more answers on (like for instance, what would make doctor #1 think--from the vaginal exam--that I was 50% effaced when doctor #2--during my Level II ultrasound--the next day said I wasn't?) and so I called my OB's office on my lunch break and voiced that I still had a little anxiety and unanswered questions and that I wasn't comfortable waiting till my next scheduled appointment on April 8th, so could I be seen sooner? They are getting me in for this Monday at 9:30am!! I'm feeling relieved that I won't have to wait long to ask my questions (in addition, I have questions about my low-lying placenta. Yes, they tell me it's not an issue yet, but I still need to know a tad more about it to feel comfortable). Phew!