Things are not good right now.
And I am a fucking mess.
I started having horrible, debilitating pains in my lower belly some time after lunch. It was probably around 2:30-2:4500pm. At first I tried to rationalize with myself that it was probably just Round Ligament Pains (like I mentioned in my last post). Until it started to get worse adn worse and I doubled over. I wondered to myself if it was just really bad gas pains, since I had eaten like two hours previous. I tried to walk off the pain, no luck. I tried to (sorry, TMI here) have a bowel movement, no dice.
I called my mother and my friend Crystal, both of which who told me to call the doctor. Thank God I listened. I called Daryl in tears and he said he was dropping his shit and gonna meet me at the doctor's office. I tried to laugh at myself the whole way saying I was over-reacting. A typical first time pregnancy.
The nurse had me undress from the waist down and I sat on the table, with the paper cloth over my lap, joking around with my Big D, before the doctor came in, about driving all the way there for just what was probably "gas pains" (Daryl admitted that he drove 80mph the whole way in the company van).
Well, unfortunately, it's not just simple gas pains or RLP. When the doctor did the internal examination, I could tell by his face that things were not right. He told me I was effaced and I froze at the familiar word and just managed to gasp out, "Well that's not good, right?"
He was quiet and said he wanted to do an ultrasound next. We saw baby Hunter on the screen and he looked great to me, heart beating away and the doctor said, "That's good he is active." But I could tell by his frown that something was not right. He helped me sit up and said, "I need to go over some scenarios with you and what we need to do." And at that, I think I deflated like a tightly squeezed balloon. My hands started shaking, my eyes teared up and I literally wiped my snotty nose on my hand, manners be damned. I was so sweaty from stress, my ass was literally sticking to the damn paper they put on the table. This wasn't just the doctor laughing with me that the first time preggo only had gas pains--this was serious.
I am 50% effaced, and I have (I think he called it) cervical incompetence. Essentially my cervix is weak. When he did the internal exam, he said my uterus and the amniotic sac were too easy to reach, way too low. My tears were falling freely by this point. Why wasn't he telling me I was fine? That I was having typical pregnancy pains? Why?
If it was just the incompetent cervix, he said they would do cervical cerclage (click on the words to read what WebMD describes it as). I think that's what it's called? Basically it's a stitch in my cervix to keep me from dilating, to prevent preterm labor. (usually this is not diagnosed until it is too late and the mother has m/c the baby so becuz I DID come in and we found it out, that was a good thing).
But, BUT, the other problem he saw during the u/s is that I have (I forgot technical term) too much amniotic fluid in the sac, this is abnormal, and it needs to be drained. The risk with performing the cerclage is that due to the location of my uterus, he runs the risk of puncturing the amniotic sac and thus causing a m/c. At this, I started to fall apart. My legs, leadened, started to shake. Daryl who was standing beside me, went from holding my hand to putting his whole arm around my shoulder and squeezing me.
Tomorrow I have to be admitted to the hospital, either UCONN or YALE, and be examined by some kind of Fetal Medicine doctor (forgive me for not remembering all the terms...mine and Daryl's brains are pure mush right now). They will have to perform an amnio and drain the fluid and from there, I'm not sure how we proceed.
We find out tomorrow. Tomorrow.
Daryl and I are in an utter state of shock. We've both cried a river within the past hour or two since finding out. If GOD willing this pregnancy can be salvaged, and our sweet little Hunter continues healthily on, I will need to be on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy.
I am an emotional mess right now. My low belly continues to ache dully, and I can still feel Hunter moving about, kicking, punching, saying hello.
I can't think, I can't eat, I feel for my sweet husband, who has tried to be my rock, but I can't figure out how to console him when he cries like a child. When he consoles me I feel better. But I'm so afraid I'm not having that same reaction for him.
I don't know what to do!!! I don't know what to think.
Please, please, please send some healthy vibes and thoughts for me and our sweet little baby Hunter. The thought of losing him tears my heart into jagged, painful pieces.
We can't lose him!!