Insomnia really sucks.
It's 3:25am and I am sitting here in bed, wide awake, listening to the sounds of Big D lightly snoring, Tucker's small dog-breaths and whimpers and growls as he "runs with the pack" in his sleep, and the rough whisper of one of the cat's tongue as she patiently grooms herself in the hallway.
With perfect clarity I hear the whir of the lap top, the almost silent clicking (that I normally don't notice) of the cable box in our bedroom. The glowing sickly green light of the numerals on the alarm clock, normally blissfully ignored as I slumber away, now seem to be an annoyingly penetrating beacon of light in the bedroom. And my throat and eyes are dry as bones. That really has nothing to do with anything except for the fact that becuz I'm awake, I'm super aware of my itchy eye lids and my intense thirst. (excuse me while I gulp down half a glass of water!)
I don't normally suffer from insomnia. Before getting pregnant, I hardly ever had trouble sleeping. as a mater of fact, it was almost the joke between Daryl and I. He is a pretty light sleeper and often wakes up if a dog scratches too loudly, or a cat hacks up a hair ball, in the middle of the night. It takes him a lot longer to fall asleep whereas I am one of those people who lays her head on the pillow (often certain I'm going to read or watch a little tv) and is instantly unconscious. so we would joke about how I could sleep easily while poor Big D often was lucky to get enough hours of sleep in a night to carry him through a long work day.
Well, situations have now seemed to reverse. I know waking up a billion times a night to pee is one of the culprits--hell I wouldn't be awake to have freakin' insomnia if I hadn't gotten up to pee! But the problem now, often, is once I'm awake, I'm AWAKE and can not fall back asleep.
Unfortunately, tonight is one of those nights.
And when this happens, it's like my brain is on auto-pilot. Thoughts, worries and ideas whip rhythmically around and around in my brain and I can't seem to shut them off! Money stress, excitement over the baby, thoughts of what I need to accomplishing the next day/week/month, and most recently added is job stress. Not the typical job stress of course. This is all related to me having a child. My maternity leave, coverage, hours when I come back--there has been a lot of shit hitting the fan lately at work. And while I've done my fair share of crying and worrying about it lately, I finally feel like things are on the upswing. I don't want to jinx myself so I'm just going to leave it at that for now, until/if anything changes. But keep your fingers crossed for me!
And now to hopefully get my mind off work at fucking 3:30am in the morning, I'll leave you with a cute story about Daryl's cousins!! Both girls, the oldest Rian is ten years old, and the youngest Shayne just turned four. They were out shopping with their mom the other day--shopping for Hunter!!--when little Shayne threw a penny in a fountatin at the mall and made her wish.
She told her mom what her wish was, that she wished Baby Hunter could be born TODAY! But then, she immediately told her mom, so Rian reassured them that becuz Shayne told her her wish, it wouldn't come true.
So no worries! Baby Hunter will NOT be making his grand appearance....TODAY.
Damn, those kids crack me up!
Okay, I'm going to switch off the computer so wish me luck that I'll catch that elusive Zzzzzz-train. G'night, all!