Ugh. Being broke SUCKS ASS.

I was just on the phone with a bill collector trying to set up a payment arrangement to catch that shit up to date. One down, a million more to go, right?

I can only laugh, or else I'd cry. What keeps me sane is that I know everyone can empathize. We are in such a shitty time, a shitty economy, and I know most of us are feeling the burn! I feel bad for so many of my friends who I watch struggling on a daily basis. I've known at least a small handful of people that have gotten laid off within the past month or so.

It freakin' sucks!

But this is when I have to keep reminding myself: Daryl and I have a roof over our head. We have our health (although Big D needs a swift kick in the ass lately for not being as up on his diabetes meds as he should be! But that is fodder for another blog post). We have our active little Cashew on the way. We have our families and friends. We have great memories with those who are only here with us in spirit. Our fur-babies--as obnoxious as they can be sometimes--are healthy and give us lots of love and laughs. We have job security, something we are both insanely grateful for right now.

And despite being crazily stressed out about money and finances, especially with this little Cashew on the way, we still manage to maintain our silly senses of humor. I think the best characteristic of our relationship together? We never cease to make each other laugh.

So, yes, it could always be so, so much worse.

P.S. I spoke too soon, by the way, about the nausea being gone so Karma decided to come and bitch-slap me and remind me that SHE is in charge, not me. I've puked twice in the past three days. Yeah, baby.

I got to hear the little Cashew's heartbeat today!!

It was such an emotional moment for me. I was literally on the verge of tears, ready to let them go, when a wave of guilt washed over me that Daryl could not be there to hear it with me (this is the first appointment he's had to miss due to his work schedule). And while I struggled to control my emotion the funniest thing happened, I started to laugh! Which made my belly jiggle and the doppler move around and the h/b got static-y so I tried to STOP laughing since I wasn't ready to stop hearing that rapid galloping beat! And my mom, who had come to the appointment with me, was totally in awe. She didn't expect to get to hear the heartbeat (neither of us did!) so it was an unexpected treat. I lamented the fact that my Big D was not there to hear it but the nurse assured me that we'd hear it at every appointment from then on (of course I'll be at another doctor's office by my next appointment, but I'm assuming they'd do that the same way). And she also told me that it sounds like a strong, healthy heartbeat which made me smile.

The doctor FINALLY got the measurement he needed and said everything looks good to him. We all kept chuckling at just how much the baby was moving around. I think this was the most active I'd seen him/her to date. Twisting, rolling, turning, arms and legs going a mile a minute. The doctor at one point said, "You have yourself a very active baby. And active is good!" So, it was super cute after we left the appointment, that my mom kept repeating almost like a mantra, "An active baby is a GOOD thing!"

I think my mom is now officially in love with her grandchild.

Anyway, I got a print out of the back of the baby's head and neck (since that's where the doctor spent most of the time focused on). It's a 4D shot and it's so cute....he or she has his/her arm up and covering the quarter section of the face that would have been visible, as if he or she is bashful of us looking. And the doctor, who of course was perfectly fine and nice during the appointment, made a second print out for my mom to take. I went and had blood drawn afterwards and then headed back to work, meanwhile wondering 'Am I making the right decision switching doctors?' Once I called Daryl he was like "Come on, April, you are switching! You have been miserable and you know this is how this doctor is. We'll have one visit where he's fine, and two more where he is cocky as hell, and I don't want you to be on this roller coaster of emotion and stress through out the pregnancy."

He is totally correct, of course. So, tomorrow I'll be stopping in his office on the way to work to tell them I need my medical records released to the new doctor's office.



Anyway, I swear, I feel like all I've been doing today is eating. And now the indigestion is killing me! If one more person tries to stuff a bite of something down my throat with the assurances of "It's okay, don't worry, you're pregnant!" I'm going to beat them over the head with the food item. Just becuz I'm pregnant does not mean I want to gain a bazillion pounds! What I WANT to ask after people say this, is, "Oh do YOU plan on carrying that extra 20-30 lbs. for me, after the baby is born? No, I didn't think so." So now I'm paying the price, and my tummy hurts. Ugh.

Ooh, on a side note, I had a massage yesterday! It was much needed. I wish I could get them more on a regular basis and with a licensed MT (instead of just with student therapists) cuz I'd love to work with one person who gets to know me and my body and all its quirks. But unfortuantely that is definitely out of my price range right now. And if we could afford it, I'd be signing up Big D first and foremost...that poor man has so many aches and pains due in part to his job but also from his motorcycle accident years ago. When he gets a massage I know it oftens gives him such great relief! Anyway, all I'm saying is I'd love to work on a regular basis with licensed MT. The students are great, don't get me wrong, but you start over "from scratch" essentially with every one since it's a different student every time. Yesterday came right at a good time though, cuz I've been having this pain in my low back on the right hand side...constant and not debilitating but definitely uncomfortable, so she worked that area good and I'm happy to report: no pain today!

I'm frustrated and I have a stress-stomach ache... but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Went to my doctor's appointment last night and after waiting the prerequisite 45 minutes, they ushered us in. The first words out of the doctor's mouth as he brought up the baby on the ultrasound was, "Oh, this baby is already not cooperating." I wanted to instantly roll my eyes and tell him to lay off my kid. Instead I silently watched the screen.

After about 10-15 minutes of the doctor poking around and analyzing, he said he still could not get the measurement. So I asked, "What does this mean?"

"It means you need to come back on Thursday."

I immediately looked at Daryl whose face had tightened up and he looked disgusted. And then as if I wasn't irritated enough with the doctor, after I pulled my shirt back down and was still laying there while he randomly chatted with us about the damn weather (THE WEATHER? you can't give me information on my pregnancy but you can talk about the stupid mother-f'ing weather?), he RESTED HIS HAND ON MY THIGH. I wanted to swat it off in disgust. I am in no way saying he meant that as an inappropriate gesture--I mean hell, my husband is standing right there--but if it was meant as a "fatherly" gesture or something, he could shove that hand up his ass.

I am DONE with this man. DONE with his God-complex. DONE with his sarcasm, horrible bed-side manner and lack of time and interest in my pregnancy. Just plain DONE.

I did cry again in frustration today BUT we've made progress. I asked a couple more friends who I knew delivered somewhat locally (cuz the majority of my friends have delivered at Yale which is not SUPER far but in proximity to mine and Daryl's work, it's farther than we want to go). I called one of the OB-GYN's who my friend and her sister went to and loved AND it turns out that Daryl's' cousin went to as well. I briefly explained my situation to the woman who made the appointments and kinda hesitantly asked if I should keep the appointment with my current doctor on Thursday, just becuz the window for this test ends this Sunday. She agreed I should keep it but then said to have my medical records faxed over to the new doctor's office after all was said and done, and to call after to make an appointment. I breathed a huge sigh of relief to hear her say that.

While I am NOT looking forward to going back to the asshole-doctor again this Thursday, I feel better knowing I already have a plan in place to get OUT. And the hospital that my potential new doctor delivers out of has one of the best birthing centers in CT. I've heard/read many good things about them today after asking around and looking online. I'm not sure if Daryl will be able to go with me on Thursday...even though I know he would want to, he is trying to save up his PTO so that it accumulates for other more important appointments and for when the baby is born. So UGH, I might have to deal with this f'ing doctor myself on Thursday. But I'll deal. His time is almost done, thank goodness.



How am I doing otherwise? Not bad, not bad. No more nausea (unless I'm absolutely ravenous), not as much fatigue even though I still go to bed somewhat early. I've gotten into a pattern of going to bed and watching television around 9:00 and I enjoy it. I keep telling myself to take advantage of it now while I can. Sleep and rest while I CAN sleep and rest!

What else? My hips and lower back have started aching. My body pops and creaks a lot more so than usual when I get up from a chair/bed. Sleeping is a tad more uncomfortable, but not impossible. I am looking into a maternity pillow. (Kandi-I looked at Babies R Us this weekend for the Snoogle and wouldn't you know it, the damn store was freaking OUT of stock! Jerks! LOL) Oh, and the best part of all, everyone says that I should be peeing LESS now as I enter into the first trimester? Um, yeah, not me. I pee way more. I'm up about 3-5 times a night peeing. And during the day? I lose count. Also, I'm still waiting for this beautiful lustrous hair and fabulously glowing skin to kick in. Instead I still have my pizza-face and limp locks. In my face's defense, it has cleared up a TINY bit but just a tiny bit. And my hair? I'm ready to cut if off. For reals, yo. And don't tell me not to...this has been a long time in coming.

Otherwise? I feel great! I'm serious! I know that sounded like a lot of complaining, but I really do feel a lot better and that makes me very happy!!

13 weeks: Our baby Cashew


Your Baby This Coming Week

Your baby measures about 3.2 to 3.5 inches (7.6 to 8.9cm) from crown to rump and weighs about 0.9 ounces (25g). Your baby is now nourished by the placenta.

His face is developing and his cheeks and the bridge of his nose are appearing. His ears are moving from the sides of his neck to higher on his head and his eyes are moving closer together. Your baby's external genitals are now distinct and may be recognized on an ultrasound. Your baby will move away from stimuli near your tummy, such as noise and light.

Your baby's eyebrows have formed and a small amount of hair, called lanugo, has appeared all over his body. Lanugo, which will be shed before birth and replaced with the hairs with which your baby will be born, is thought to have a protective function.

Insulin is present in your baby's pancreas. Some bones may be well outlined. Your baby's thyroid gland, already developed by this week, begins to make hormones.

Baby boys begin to develop the prostate gland at this time and the ovaries of baby girls descend from the abdomen into the pelvis.