Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Some thoughts on this pregnancy:

1. I would LOVE to have a little baby girl this time around. If I got my boy and a girl, I would feel like my childhood fantasy of having children is complete! Now mind you, if we find out I'm carrying another little boy, I would not be disappointed. I will be just as happy to have him! But we can always wish for something, right? ;-) I don't hold a lot of stock in the old wives tales, but based on how sick I've felt this time around (with Hunter I just had random bouts of nausea here and there, and occasionally puked when brushing my teeth. With this little Peanut, I had been feeling sick NONSTOP and I literally can not touch something to the tip of my tongue-- like my toothbrush or Hunter's binky when he plays his game of shoving it in my mouth--without it setting me off gagging and heaving. I have only puked ONCE, and quite possibly I had a stomach bug at the time, but I've come CLOSE to puking constantly and running to the toilet, dry heaving like crazy. It was never like this with Hunter.) SO...based on the extreme nausea, the majority of people are guessing GIRL. I, however, am not convinced. ;-)

2. I love the feeling of knowing I'm carrying this little Peanut in my belly, while simultaneously being able to carry his/her big brother in my arms. I swear, since getting my BFP, I feel like I've fallen into even deeper love with my little baby boy. I am constantly contemplating how far we've come to get to this point with Hunter...the incredible journey it took to get him here. The journey of conceiving and carrying that baby to term, to me, is just amazing. Awe-inspiring. And I'm thankful every single day that I get to do this again and I PRAY, PRAY, PRAY for another healthy, happy little Peanut to go with our sweet Cashew.

3. I think I'm a smarter, tougher pregnant Mama, this time around. I remember how naive I felt when Preggo with Hunter, not knowing what to expect, and what all the twinges, pains and feelings meant. This time around? *SHRUG* I kinda feel like "Old hat. I remember this." I know exactly what to expect as my body grows, and what labor will be like (I put this loosely, cuz obviously I realize no two labors are the same!) and while this is comforting, I also feel like it takes away a little of that special "newness" of being pregnant. I want this little Peanut to know just how much he/she is wanted and how much I appreciate being pregnant, so even though I don't feel like I NEED to reread all my pregnancy books, I did go out and buy another pregnancy journal. I loved keeping track of my moods/cravings/weight gain/feelings/thoughts all through-out Hunter's pregnancy and if I hadn't had this journal (which also chronicles day-by-day growth of the baby) there would have been a lot I'd have forgotten throughout my pregnancy with Hunter. So I want to be able to go back with this one and have those memories and thoughts at my fingertips, as well.

4. Damn, my boobies hurt! I feel the twinges and slight "pains" every single day. And I love to think "That's my milk ducts preparing for the hard, but rewarding, work ahead of them!" I do plan on nursing with this little Peanut but I have no idea how long. I feel happy to have been able to breast fed Hunter until he was six months (and until he started biting me--locking DOWN--on a regular basis despite me trying to "correct" this behavior) but I'm slightly worried I won't be able to do it this long with Baby #2. I will be going back to work almost immediately, most likely (6-8 weeks) which is so different than with Hunter since I had quit my job and was home with him exclusively for six MONTHS. And while, yes, I only work part time (approximately 5-6 hours a day, Monday through Thursday) it's going to be HARD to pump at this job. I work in a small but insanely busy Naturopathic Doctor's office. She has appointments scheduled approximately every half hour and with Hunter...I was a slow pumper. I would pump for like 20-30 minutes and STILL only get about 3-4 oz. max. I just don't see how this is going to work when I'm at the office, cuz I'm the only office person and the Dr. needs me to check patients in/out and sell supplements as people stop in. I would LOVE some advice on this from people who have had similar difficult work situations and how you made pumping work. I really don't want my milk supply to dry up too early! Advice? Thoughts? Suggestions?

5. At almost eleven weeks, I'M ALREADY SHOWING!! HOLY CRAP!! I've been deluding myself that no one notices my belly growing (cuz right now I know my uterus is probably not much bigger than an orange) and I've been a little down on myself, thinking "Look how FAT you are getting. THAT doesn't look like a preggo belly, just one who's eaten too many Oreos!". I am already in maternity pants, cuz the band on my own pants/jeans was so incredibly tight and painful that at the end of the day my stomach looked beet red, like someone beat me! Anyway, yesterday was the first time, I think I really acknowledged it: I'm starting to LOOK pregnant! First, my Mom made a comment right after I got dressed for work and she saw my belly. The shirt was a little tighter than what I'd been wearing lately so she was really able to see it and she said, "Wow, you're showing already!" I argued with her, no, no it's just fat. She disagreed, of course,and reminded me that SHE showed early on with her second pregnancy. Then I was sitting at work and checking out a patient when completely out of the blue she asked me, "Is this your first child?" I was slightly taken aback (like I always am when people presume someone is pregnant without really knowing) but quickly recovered and pointed to my belly and said, "Oh this one? Nope! This is my second, which I guess explains why my belly exploded within the past 2 weeks or so!"

6. Please, please tell me I'm not crazy??? Just within the past 3 days or so, I've been feeling FLUTTERS in my low, low belly. Is this insane? The baby is still so small, I can't possibly be feeling him/her already, right? RIGHT? But at the same time, I know what to expect, what to feel, when she/he moves and this is JUST like those early flutters I felt with Hunter. (Granted with him, I don't think I really KNEW for sure that's what it was till almost 19 weeks...before that I kept thinking it was just my blood pulsing. Or gas. LOL) Anyway, it's not a constant thing. I probably notice it maybe 1-2 times a day. Could this really be me feeling the baby so soon?

7. I need to enjoy every moment of this pregnancy becuz...sniff, sniff...this is most likely going to be my last. :-( Daryl is pretty adamant that he doesn't want any more children, after we have our second. And not becuz he doesn't want more children, but becuz financially, we would just be too strapped. And while i completely understand and agree with his practical thinking, I can't help but feel so sad that this will be it. I think unconsciously, I always had the thought I'd like three children. Growing up, it was me and my brother and I remember BEGGING my Mom to have another child becuz not only did I want a sister, but I wanted a sibling I was close to. My brother and I fought too much and he was never a loving sibling (and still isn't. At 33 and 32 years old, I'm sad to say we no longer stay in contact and he has NO INTEREST whatsoever in seeing my son. This is incredibly painful and hurts me more than he'll ever know. More about this in another post though. I don't want to hijack this post with my horrible sibling relationship!). So emotionally, my second pregnancy is bittersweet, knowing it's my last. But at the same time, I think it reminds me all too well of how precious this time is and how I need to appreciate it. Life is crazy with a one year old, a husband who works ALL the time and my part time job, but I still have take those quiet moments when I get them where I lay my hand on my (already burgeoning!) belly and send some love and health to the Peanut within.

7 comments:

Bekah said...

You know what it feels like to feel your baby move, who are we to doubt you?!

And for the nausea thing...i was wicked sick for 17 weeks, and he is most definitely a boy! But who knows!!

Flea said...

I'm so excited for you! With the second and third pregnancy, I never looked pregnant till late. I did, however, look LARGE. It is what it is. I, too, hope for a girl for you!

Amy said...

I was pregnant with the three girls and never puked once, and only *thought* I was going to puke once. But the deed was done on a Thursday so maybe that was the key. =)

Sarah R said...

I was much sicker this time around (read: puking when I brushed my teeth in the morning) and I had a girl! I just had a lack of appetite with Andrew and it was more of an evening nausea. I was sicker, longer this time.

Also, I have heard that you can feel girls sooner than boys! With Andrew, I was 20 weeks. This time? 13 weeks. :)

Sarah said...

I have also been feeling flutters from time to time, not daily like you, but still I have. You know it is the baby, so don't think you are crazy ;) With your second (or more) you can tell earlier because you know what it feels like, plus your body is "familiar".

This pregnancy is not too different from Alice's, so I'm going to guess girl as of now. I really don't have a feeling either way at this point. It probably will be another girl, because like last time, I only have boy names picked out.

I also know what you mean about it most likely being your last. My husband is already planning a vasectomy, which I'm not okay with. I want to wait 3-4 years before settling on being done. But who knows.

Kat said...

#1- Wanting to experience raising both a boy and a girl is completely understandable. I really get it. And of course you will love a second little boy if that is what you have. AND, I must say watching two little brothers play together will REALLY melt your heart. :) But it sounds to me like you might be carrying a girl. :)

#2- All my life I will remember how being pregnant felt. It is the BEST feeling in the world. Absolutely magical. I don't know if I will ever feel as special again in my life. LOVE IT!

#3- It is a nice feeling trusting yourself the second time around. But I get the whole missing the newness of it. There is nothing like that first pregnancy, but then again with the subsequent pregnancies you really GET that there is this little personality, spirit, person, in your belly so much better. Very cool. :)

#4- At 6-8 weeks the feedings do spread out a little bit so you might not HAVE to pump to much at work if it is just a 5 hour work day. Wait and see. You will probably still be able to breastfeed just fine.

#5- Showing earlier with second, third, etc. pregnancies is perfectly NORMAL. Stop beating yourself up about it!

#6- I felt Grace moving around 11 weeks too. I told the doc and he told me it is probably just gas, but I knew the difference. When I got my ultrasound done he said that my placenta was attached in a way that I could feel the kicking much more so I probably really DID feel it at 11 weeks. Could be the same thing for you! :)

#7- Never say never. I know Daryl said he is done at 2, but you never know. Your financial situation could really change too. Just ask him to keep a semi open mind. You don't HAVE to decide immediately. Either way, enjoy this pregnancy. I always told myself that to enjoy each pregnancy like it was my last because you just never know. ENJOY IT. :)

And thank you for posting about your pregnancy. Like I said before, I have to live vicariously through you. :)

Birdee said...

Funny, I had the same feelings with baby B. When I was pregnant with him, it had been so long since I had been pregnant and looked forward to re-living all those fun magical memories. I bought all my favorite books and tried to relive the experience. To my surprise, it was different, way different. I guess there are some things in life aren’t meant to be relived. We’re moving forward and aren’t meant to go back. I felt guilty at first for not feeling as magical with Baby B as I did with Big B. But then I realized that Baby B has his very own set of magic. I got to watch Big B put his ear on my belly and listen for Baby B, or press in my tummy trying to encourage punches from Baby B. That was magic that was a new bliss.
And now even with Baby B here, I tried plugging in the old nursery songs I listened to day and especially night with Bib B and I just can’t. Those are Big B’s songs. I gave Baby B his own songs. And someday when I’m old and grey, I can listen to each set of songs and have them take me back to each of my kids.
I’m so happy for you and am going to enjoy very much watching Hunter become a big brother.