Saturday, December 03, 2011

Lately, things have been tough.

I've had some not-so-pleasant-Mommy-moments that I'm actually quite disappointed in myself over. I've apologized countless times to Hunter, after losing my patience with him.  And had to pass Avery off to her Dad or Nana, quite a few times lately cuz I just can't take it.

Avery recently cut her top four teeth (in addition to the two on the bottom that she already had) and throw in about five days worth of horrendous gas? And seasoned with a splash of separation anxiety? Makes for ONE EXTREMELY upset baby. She shrieks and screams and if I walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water (she can see me...the living room/dining area/kitchen is all open to each other) she does this crazy, frantic crawl with limbs smacking the hardwood floor, as she races as fast as her little body will take her, all the while bellowing the most hideous baby cries ever. Seriously, it sounds like someone is beating her!

And Hunter, Hunter, Hunter...I had hoped you would avoid the dreaded "Terrible Two's" that everyone told me about. That was SO wishful thinking.   You want what YOU want, when YOU want, no questions asked. And if you can't communicate your thoughts to me (or if Mommy just can't understand what you're saying) then it's meltdown-city.  And it doesn't matter if we're in the living room, grocery store, pulic restroom at Target or a friend's house. I've even resorted (more often than I'd like) to bribery BEFORE the bad behavoir happens, just to do what I have to do sometime. (Munchkins in the stroller while frantically shopping for a birthday present at Kohl's for a party we're going to.)

There are some afternoons where I feel like all I've done is yell all day or I find myself often doing my "crazy laugh" to keep from bursting into tears.

But that bad is almost immediatley followed up by all the good. And it makes it all SO worthwhile.  Driving to my mom's on a work day and listening to my son chatter happily, endlessly, "Mama, look!" and pointing out the moon to me and how we go "night-night" when the moon comes out at night.  And watching him and Avery play toys so nicely and hearing, quite suddenly and unprompted from Hunter; "Sissy, I love you!" It took all I had not to melt into a messy, emotional, happy pile of goo on the floor. And seeing my daughter's cheesy, eager grin now full of teeth!  Watching her pull herself up to a standing position, so confidently.  Recieving messy, wet kisses from both of my kids, at unexpected moments. Just becuz they love me.

These children of mine, they give me purpose and determination, to be the best mother and PERSON I can be. I want to be a role-model and teach them manners and to respect their elders and to be good people themselves. I want them to know it's ok to make mistakes, cuz lord knows, Mommy makes quite a few of them.  And most of all, I want them to have fun, love freely...and of course, BE SILLY! 


Kat said...

Oh man. I know. It is just so hard sometimes. So hard. You know I've been there so many times. Remember all the "I'm a crappy mom" posts I've done? You are not alone. We want to be the best parents possible, but none of us is perfect. And that is actually a good thing. It would be SO HARD for a kid to live up to a perfect parent. They need to see us make mistakes, that we are sorry for them, and that it is ok. You know?
Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself and move on as best you can. You're doing a great job and you are a fabulous mom! :)
Glad that in the midst of the craziness you are having wonderful moments too. :)
Hang in there!!!

CanadianMama said...

Oh nice moves! And yeah, I've been there so so so many times where I've thought I was going to lose it! But if it was easy it wouldn't be worth it. Right? Right, lol!

Anonymous said...

I am so with you on the crying when mommy/daddy leaves the room. Julia will now actually say "don't leave mommy", "daddy don't go throw the diapers out". And people claim I will miss that? No way.

Carrie27 said...

Hugs, we all have those days, weeks, etc. It's part of being a mom and wanting to be everything to them, it's stressful.

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