Sunday, December 23, 2012

Merry Christmas!!

After a pretty rough week here in CT, I'm ready for some holiday fun...ready for Christmas to work like a a salve on this open wound. 
 
We're ready for some family, food and fun.
 
My kids have been all hopped up on sugar and Hunter is eagerly anticipating the jolly, fat man in the velvet red suit to visit our home.  My shopping is pretty much DONEzo, minus some things I don't need to worry about until AFTER Christmas.
 
My baking is close to being completed (still need to do a Chocolate Chip Oreo Cheesecake...oh and probably some Candy Cane Fudge) with my kitchen overflowing in Peanut Butter Blossoms, Russian Tea Cake's, Spritz christmas trees and choclate (and sprinke!) dipped pretzel rods.
 
 Most of the gifts are wrapped (minus some Leap Frog stuff for the kids that i need to sync up to the computer and set up, first... and one gift for Big D that will be arriving from Amazon tomorrow, Christmas Eve!) so I won't have much last minute stuff to do!
 
I just remembered there ARE a couple of odds and ends I wanted to get before Christmas, so as soon as Daryl comes home from shopping for me, I'll run out to grab those. I have to get the kids their Christmas Eve jammies, a tradition I started from the first one WITH kids. ;-)
 
So now...I'm off to clean my mess of a house. The Christmas tree is pretty dead and dropping needles like CRAZY (second year in a row this has happened) and I'm sick of getting them stuck in my feet and rear end when I sit on the floor! If i don't pop back in before hand, FROM MY FAMILY TO YOURS...
 

 
...MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!
 

Friday, December 14, 2012

So much heartache today...

I am numb. So incredibly numb.

For those of you living under a rock, there was a horrible school massacre today.  A mass shooting in an elementary school. AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

Today started out like any other day. It was sunny and briskly cold. A beautiful Friday.

I was doing some Christmas shopping at Walmart with the kiddos and all flustered by Hunter's tantrum over me not letting him get a matchbox car. I hustled them out to the car, buckled car seat buckles, settled into my seat and started driving. My cell rang and it was Daryl, asking me if I had heard about the school shooting in Sandy Hook.

"Wait...what? A school shooting?"

"Yes. At SHAYNE'S SCHOOL!"

Shayne is Daryl's 9 year old cousin. It didn't immediately sink in and when it did, I was instantly in tears, practically shouting out "Is SHAYNE OK?!?!" just as Daryl was saying "Shayne is fine."

Even after the relief at that set in, I couldn't hold back the tears.

And now, the aftermath. This coward killed 26 people, 20 of which are children. CHILDREN. 

I have been in a daze all afternoon, crying sporadically and trying to hide it from my kids.  I poured like half a cup of coffee all over my face and down my shirt, somehow. 

20 babies, between the ages of 5-10, who will not get to celebrate this Christmas, or grow up, marry, have kids of their own some day. Gone, in the blink of an eye. 

I can't tell you how many times I touched my kids this afternoon. Hugging them, kissing them. smoothing their cheeks. 

Tomorrow we are going over Shayne's house (we already had plans to do this, Daryl is going to be cleaning his aunt and uncle's boiler) and Daryl called tonight, just to be sure they didn't want to cancel. They don't. I plan on squeezing Shayne so hard so will barely be able to breathe. And hopefully watching her play with my kids. I have no idea what she witnessed/heard/felt today but I can only imagine the inner scars.

And as a Mom, I can't stop thinking of the mothers and fathers who won't be tucking their babies in safely into their bed tonight. It breaks my heart. And makes me feel almost guilty that I WILL get to tuck my kids in, kiss their warm cheeks and smooth back the hair on their foreheads.

Kids are so intuitive.  Hunter came over to me earlier this evening and gently rubbed my arm. He looked up at me with sweet brown eyes and softly said, "I love you, Mama." His little hand slid into mine.  I wrapped my fingers around his and squeezed.

"I love you too, baby."

***

Goodnight, sweet children.